Around age 15 to 20, men and women are biologically at two extremes. The body of 15-year-old boys takes care of Testosterone, sexual fuel par excellence. For many, this translates into a sudden obsession with genital sexual performance. “We have sex on the ceiling, we have to prove to ourselves that we are men,” recalls Yvon Dallaire.

Girls do not experience this hormone surge, and instead will dive into the romanticism. Of course, they can have sexual urges and use the sexuality to find mates or to seduce a boy. But what interests them are more the relational and sensual dimensions. While many 15-year-old boys masturbate every day, girls stick to an average of once every two weeks. In general, they feel more in the sensuality than in the genitality.

Men and women are still in their respective poles. What man in his twenties has not already been told: “You just think about that … you’re a real sex addict …” Meanwhile, some suspect their partner of being “frigid Because she wants to talk more about love than making love. During this period, the challenge is toaccepter to leave influencer and D’apprendre the other.

In general, men are at the peak of their genital performance in their twenties. For women, genital pleasure develops more gradually and often does not reach its peak until around age 30, provided they have accumulated personal experiences pleasant relationships and erotics.

Learning theorgasm being more complex in women than in men, the young man can help his partner to develop his genitality. It is also one of the great desires and pleasures of man to ensure that his partner experiences the same intense pleasures that he feels genitally.

For his part, the boy must stop thinking that the girl has the same desire and the same libido than him. He must remain open to what she can bring him in the fields of sensuality, tenderness, intimacy and feelings. He can also learn from her the delight of letting himself to desire, to cultivate the expectation, to make the pleasure last, to play, to laugh.

Unlike men, women can have several Orgasms in a row. But if, together, they know how to modulate stimuli, man will be able to learn to delay his ejaculation and let the pleasure rise in several bearings more and more intense, until orgasm. It is a real learning process. “It is essential to know that it is completely normal not to get there all of a sudden: the majority of mammals ejaculate upon intromission”, emphasizes Yvon Dallaire.

At the same time, the woman can tame and explore everything that revolves around orgasm, the rise of pleasure, even a certain aggressiveness, and realize that for her too it is a learning normal. Finally, it is an opportunity for many women to stop hoping for the arrival of the perfect man …

During this period, these are often order constraints family or sports that hinder sex life. However, it is also an opportunity to continue the discoveries made in your twenties. The challenge then is to use one’s creativity to keep the desire alive and continue on the momentum of pleasure despite the children, the work and the worries of everyday life.

During a conference organized by McGill University, Julie Larouche, clinical psychologist and coordinator of the Sexual Health Program of the McGill University Health Center, gave 2 tips on this subject.². First, say “no” to things that take up too much of our time, with television at the top of the list! (Canadians watch over 20 hours of television per week.) Then set your priorities and put sex life on the agenda. Planning a time for love would be really worth it, even if, at first, the idea does not seem very romantic …

During the thirties, if the sexual desire of the man is regularly satisfied, in various ways, it becomes less and less obsessive. And the pressure of hormones is also starting to be less insistent. For her part, the woman who has known and explored genital and orgasmic pleasure becomes more and more receptive to sexuality. She will often want to try new experiences and put more piquancy and fancy in his sex life. It is at this moment that many people take the opportunity to deepen their fun and learn to give and receive more.

It is during the forties that the sexual differences are at their minimum between men and women. On both sides, there is often a balance between sensuality and the genitality. “For many couples, it’s a moment ofapogee sexual, ”notes Yvon Dallaire.

On the other hand, new dangers lie in wait for those who have not found this balance. For example, sexually dissatisfied men will see the ” noon demon »And will want to finally live their adolescence … Some women who have not succeeded in developing sexually may, on the contrary, be completely disillusioned through sexuality.

On the other hand, quarantine brings with it a multitude of changes, especially on the physical level. In both men and women, the libido may decrease. Moreover, the erections may be less spontaneous, less firm and less durable. Ejaculations and orgasms may be less powerful. In women, the breasts tend to sag, the lubrication may become slower and less abundant and the number of orgasmic contractions decrease.

The great danger is to consider all these changes, however normal, as sexual dysfunctions. Negative thoughts and second thoughts concerning his virility, his beauty or his power of seduction can then create a psychological and emotional state very harmful. Ignoring that these changes are normal, and the ensuing panic, is believed to be the main cause of impotence or loss of desire problems in people over 40.

“Yet it is clear that the ability to fun is in no way reduced, on the contrary, ”says the sex therapist. Sexual pleasure can continue to intensify, bonding can grow and it is still possible to explore new erogenous zones.

From the age of 50, there is a gradual decline in the importance of sexe in life. Biologically, however, older people can continue their sexual activities, but generally do so with less time. frequency. “Studies show that 50 to 70 year olds who continue to make love or to masturbate regularly live older, healthier and happier! », Insists Yvon Dallaire. This could be explained physiologically, but also psychologically because the body continues to have pleasure.

But in their fifties, many women at the dawn of menopause, and seeing their bodies wither, feel less desirable. At the same time, a man’s libido and his genital performance can decrease a lot. Some women might think that maybe it is because they are less beautiful and attractive. They can, however, continue to be sexually active and thus maintain sexuality of the couple. The woman must, for example, realize that from now on she must contribute more to stimulate erection of his partner who no longer occurs “automatically” as at 20 years old. In addition, when one experiences a long period of sexual abstinence, it is more difficult, both physically and mentally, to return to an active sex life.

Regarding products like Viagra, you should know that they work best with men who have erectile difficulties whose origin is psychological. Viagra can be very useful and of course facilitates erection. But above all, it makes the man feel less tense and less focused on the performance. He can then let go more, which facilitates erections.

Before turning to Viagra, the man might come to terms with the idea that his erections are now taking longer to obtain, that he needs more stimulation, and that he no longer has to reach orgasm every time. Accepting this minimizes the anxiety that is at the root of most psychological erectile difficulties. And the fun can return to the appointment.