Sex and manipulation in relationships

Women don’t manipulate relationships. What women do, compared to manipulation, is like a punitive police raid compared to a street thief’s outing. To understand who the «bitch» is and what techniques she uses, let’s do a funny move — invert the situation:

Imagine a man who lives at the expense of women, without being embarrassed at all, demonstratively pushing them around, and for this he is honored and respected. Let not the whole society, but some. “Oooh, bastard!” the women say, clicking their tongues admiringly. “A real vulture,” the men echo respectfully. «How can I become like him!» Funny? Rave? But on the part of women, such behavior is the norm. Haven’t you seen how women admire bitches? Yes, all around! The situation takes on a completely anecdotal outline when men also begin to admire bitches. And sometimes — to teach women to be bitches, and just consider that this is the norm of life — to give it a special … piquancy. What it is?

A woman becomes a bitch when she starts behaving with a pretense of pretentiousness, that is, realizing the so-called “prize model”: “Here she and I, honored you with my presence — serve me quickly!”. She makes her relationship with her partner a prize. The logic is this: “If you behave “good” (the way I like) and fulfill my whims, I’ll probably give you a chance, and if it’s “bad” (the way you want) — I don’t have such a relationship. needed, behind me is the turn of fans. The calculation is made to further control the partner’s behavior by putting down the «good-bad» ratings. As a result, the prize either moves closer, or moves further away.

What is the result of such a setting? To the escalation of the deterioration of relations. Expand: If the partner takes a step forward and submits to such a relationship (for example, perceives this as a gift on his part), he is a “loshara” and caved in. So, you can ride it even cooler. Over time, the bitch herself qualifies him as henpecked, «and she doesn’t need such weak men.» It’s embarrassing to show your girlfriends … If a partner begins to defend his rights with a fight, relations also worsen. Because the bitch is not ready to make reciprocal concessions. If it doesn’t come to a break, the whole life together turns into an arena of hostilities. Including sexual relations.

They become a bitch when sex begins to be considered as a bargaining chip in a strategic game — a means of manipulation.

By the way, this strategy of restraining oneself and a partner for the sake of manipulative social benefits is called “sex from the head” among women and, indeed, is a very unfortunate phenomenon. For both women and men.

From joy and mutual pleasure, sex turns into a means of defending interests and a life routine — a way to earn money, defend a privileged position, gain intra-family power, etc. In some cases, this is precisely what causes the «cooling of relations» as a result of long-term cohabitation — the strategy of manipulating sex is gradually depleting itself, what is this prize that has already been won 100 times? And such women do not use other strategies of sexual behavior — either they do not know, or they are afraid.

Where are the problems? Normal, natural sexuality is closely linked to the cycle of mutual erotic stimulation: a woman gets aroused by feeling it, a man gets aroused, which in turn arouses a woman even more, and so on. As a result — really an avalanche of feelings and fireworks of emotions. There is one small but important detail in all this — you need to really open up to your partner. How else would he feel?

If a woman deliberately builds a blocking mechanism into her consciousness (“no, now you can’t give up, you should taunt him a little more so that you appreciate it more — the more difficult the victory, the greater the rollback”), then this mutual escalation of sensations does not occur. The moment is gone, sensations are dulled, the cycle is interrupted. The result is dull friction instead of real emotion.

In Russia, sex is very popular closer to 6 am — before that, the procedure of multi-tiered breaking. Naturally, we are no longer talking about any vivid sensory impressions. A man, heroically struggling with sleep, simply saves his «male honor» — as far-fetched as the female attributes of sexuality. The result is a classic Pyrrhic victory. Regardless of the result (whether another star appears on the fuselage or not), the man then twitches at the mere memory of THIS (in a tired, exhausted, semi-conscious state, often fighting with approaching alcohol intoxication). Of course, any positive feelings quickly disappear.

Instead of real sexuality, the bitch demonstrates the so-called attributes of sexuality (lips inflated with Botox, silicone implants, and just general “glamour”). At the same time, it restrains natural sexuality, expressed in an unconscious response to the partner’s emotions. The same notorious mechanism works in the head, which does not allow you to let go of yourself and experience any feelings other than fear and greed. I must say that this mechanism, as a rule, is already present, the bitch differs from an ordinary woman only in that it transfers it from the default mode — «fear» — to the «greed» mode.

Since childhood, a girl in our society has been hammered into one simple thought: sex is dangerous (“you catch diseases — then you will be treated all your life”, “AIDS is wandering everywhere, you have to be extremely careful!”, “if you get pregnant — you will educate yourself”, “you will give birth early — you will not have a career you will do»). Be afraid of sex, beware of it, be alert at the mere thought of it.

And, as a rule, it is mothers who hammer in. Not to mention the widely disseminated statement about «males who only need one.»

The first and, as a rule, the only thing that children hear from their parents in this regard are warnings and prohibitions. At best, they hear nothing. Some especially talented parents manage to forget in a conspicuous place a book that looks more like a manual for novice venereologists. Of course, after this, a clear setting appears in the mind of the girl, which will make her tense up and experience real fear at the mere thought of sex. It’s so dangerous! Cons — a wagon and a small cart. For some reason, they usually keep silent about the pluses. Out of tact, probably … As a result, there is a constant monitoring of any hints on this topic and total closeness, a real “visor”, behind which lies fear and increased attention to not inadvertently showing that she is excited. Some never crawl out of this armor.

This explains the infamous cases at corporate parties, when women deliberately get themselves drunk so that they “bloom the roof” — “at least once try”, because they cannot enter into a relationship in another way, barriers interfere. And who reciprocates passionately drunk woman? An intelligent and equally blinkered man? Only if he gets drunk himself to the same state. The very “nosy types” that parents warned against in childhood react much faster. As a result, this adventure brings the woman nothing but disappointment — and further strengthens her in the opinion «you can not trust anyone.» Close carefully!

Fortunately, the majority still does not follow the lead of their parents — the body requires its own.

However, parents instill in the girls one more attitude, namely, “you will find your prince, a high-quality, wealthy, proven one, get married — and you will do whatever you want with him, but for now, no, no.” On the other hand, the commandment — «you will sit for a long time in the girls, they will not marry the old one» also has not been canceled. Not only does a girl need to constantly monitor how closed she is from a very young age, despite this, she needs to calculate and somehow attract a potential companion for the rest of her life! Make a serious existential bet. From an early age, girls are taught to constantly ask the price (and whether she will lose) and suppress their natural emotions.

If it’s quite simple, they are taught not to give (you never know who can use it!) And not even to negotiate (somehow we don’t use words), but to manipulate – in fact, “trade” sex. But it’s also not easy to manipulate: life is complicated now …

If grandmothers «traded» sex wholesale, mothers — at retail, then today sex can be likened to venture investments for an indefinite period. Nothing can be guaranteed anymore. It is not clear how “profitable” the investment will be, it is not clear whether it will be at all. So the woman in our society is engaged in endless «marketing» of people and situations. Hence the disappointment (and the girlfriend got a better man), the statistics of divorces, single mothers, etc. What kind of sensitivity, sincerity and responsiveness in relationships can be expected after such a targeted and massive impact on the psyche? As a result, we get the reciprocating machinery of pragmatic biomechanoids instead of normal sex. And a bitch — as an application for efficient operation.

And what to do in situations of manipulation of sex in a relationship? Both men and women?

In a frank conversation, in plain text, say the real — hidden — goals of the manipulator. For example: “You know, it seems to me that you are now turning away and silent so that I feel guilty and pay more attention to you. So right? You can, of course, continue to do this further, but why? Let’s make it good for both of us.» If the secret meaning is revealed, the manipulative game loses its power, and it has to be abandoned — or invent a new one. And you just let me know every time that you see manipulation. It is important to make this known in such a tone in order to persuade the interlocutor to an agreement, and not to violence.

To do this, you need to realize the hidden motive of communication with your partner. One way is to read this article (to clarify the motives) and put yourself in the place of a partner — what would you do, how would you behave with such motives and such a life situation? There is another extreme here — «mind reading», in which you impute to a person something that he actually did not think and was not going to think. Moreover, not as an assumption, but as a statement. It is advisable to avoid mind reading.

Further: in order to start a cycle of mutual excitement, and feel the emotions that you want, you need to learn to trust and open up. In order to trust (until true mind reading was invented), only one way is known — to negotiate and abide by agreements. You need to sit down and honestly talk about what you would like from a relationship, from a person, what a person would like from you. Of course, these are not feelings in themselves, one should not expect some stunning impressions from putting dots over i — this is just a necessary foundation for building relationships.

Finally, if you agree on the main points, it would be good to have sex right away — in many cases, trust naturally leads to this. You will immediately feel the difference.

And if not — and the person basically does not want to negotiate, but wants to manipulate you for the rest of his life — think about it: do you need such a partner?

And one more thing: it is important to refrain from periodically (according to old memory) a rolling desire to take advantage of a second openness and insert your own manipulation, which allows you to get something from a partner. Sex is not for manipulation. Sex is for pleasure. Well, unless you’re planning on having kids, of course. This is exactly how he should be treated. Then the feelings will become much aggravated and the relationship will acquire a new, unfamiliar and charming coloring.