Sex and betrayal: what teenagers in love think about

Sherlock, 16 years old

“I have a girlfriend, we have sex. Parents fight about it. Who will explain to them that this is normal for us? They don’t hear us.”

I agree, Sherlock, that you are an adult and as an adult you have the right to your privacy and to the relationship with a girl that you both accept. You would like the whole world around to support your relationship and help you love each other. But, unfortunately, there is a reality, which is that your parents are also adults and they have their own opinion about how everything in the world should be arranged.

You can ask them about it, but most likely they belong to the generation of people who first kissed after 18 years. It is quite difficult for them to come to terms with the fact that everything is going differently for you than for them. You ask who can talk to your parents to change their minds. I’ll disappoint you – there are no such people. Only you can do this by showing your parents that you are really an adult and capable of being responsible for your relationship with a girl.

As long as you are directly dependent on your parents, they are responsible for you, ensure your financial interests and your safety. Respectively, The price of this addiction is that they still have the right to control your privacy. There are still two years before you come of age, and during this time you have to decide how you can start a really adult independent life in order to be responsible for yourself already.

Alena, 16 years old

“My best friends Anya and Roma broke up, and I started a relationship with Roma. Anya says that I betrayed her, and I am very worried about this.

Alena, we are all afraid of betrayal, it seems to us that a traitor is a very scary person. And it is difficult to admit that we ourselves can be such a person. But almost every one of us goes through difficult moments when he betrays someone’s friendship, love, good attitude. This happens when we have to choose ourselves and our destiny.

Every time we choose our feelings, attitudes and ideas, we “betray” those who think differently, want to do things differently, want to have a relationship with the same person as we are. We have a choice – we can give up ourselves and our desires, or we can “betray”: listen to ourselves and do what we think is more important, more valuable and necessary for ourselves. This is a difficult choice, but everyone goes through it one way or another at different periods of life. And any option will not be easy.

You choose to “be good,” step on your feelings, but then you realize that you can’t always be good to everyone. Or you decide to give in to your feelings and face the judgment of other people. Whatever you choose, there will be an unpleasant aftertaste – what if you had to do otherwise ?!

In stories about love triangles, no one knows what is right, every time we have to think what way out for us in this situation will be the best. By the way, from your letter it is clear that your friend Anya was the first to betray your relationship, because she selected your best friend, he became her boyfriend, and you, it turns out, lost not only a friend, but also a girlfriend. They also made their choice, so it’s strange that you feel such a strong sense of guilt, because you survived a double betrayal.

In such triangles, maintaining relationships with everyone is traumatic and almost impossible: someone is sure to become the third wheel and sooner or later fall out of this structure.