The closer to menopause, the more often we notice a lack of desire to make love. But sometimes the reasons are not at all in the hormonal changes in the body. How to experience strong passion again?
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“I don’t like being touched by my husband. I go to bed and sincerely hope that he will just turn around and fall asleep, 52-year-old Tatiana shares. – If only there was no sex – just the thought of it causes discomfort. I have not felt the desire for many months … “
This state of mind can have a profound effect on relationships, and we wonder, “Is this only happening to me? What can I do to get my lust back?” In fact, the absence of desire at the age closer to 50 and older is by no means the rule. On the contrary, some people experience a second honeymoon with a former partner, experience a stronger orgasm than during the period of fertility.
“I look at my husband with new eyes. He wonders: “What is the matter with you? You have become so passionate!” — says 49-year-old Irina. He likes it very much, and I even more so. Maybe it’s because I’m calmer. The children have grown up. I have less responsibility for them. Less hassle at work. And what to hide, I stopped using protection, not being afraid to get pregnant. It also relaxes and relieves the clamps.
However, many women perceive menopause as a problem.
“About 30% of women over 50 indicate that they suffer from a decrease in desire,” says medical psychologist Beate Schulz from Berlin. – During menopause, the body produces less estrogen and progesterone, which can lead to poor blood supply to the vaginal mucosa, loss of sensation, and sometimes causes pain during intercourse. It is not surprising that a woman does not experience excitement, but because of shame she prefers to refrain from violent bed exercises.
Hormones are not always to blame
However, hormonal changes are just one of many factors that can lead to a lack of enjoyment in sex. Often it is the state of mind that deprives women of excitement. As they age, they begin to feel unattractive. Sometimes elderly parents need help, and the fact that children become guardian angels does not contribute to passion.
In addition, with the onset of menopause, a new stage begins, which for many means: the fruitful phase of life is over. Add to this the “age set”: sleep problems, hot flashes, heart palpitations, which can occur during menopause and lead to general malaise, as well as a decrease in the ability to arouse.
Talk and ask
How to ease menopause and return desire?
“Those who are dissatisfied with their sex life admit to me that the roots of their troubles are not in menopause, but in partnership in general,” the psychologist shares. – They – from marriage to retirement – live with the same person. They are bored, they want something new. Their demands for sex life are changing. Often, clients are not satisfied with sexual relationships for many years, but they don’t tell their husbands anything, nor do they tell doctors. However, it is never too late to change the situation.”
Ask yourself:
- When did I lose my desire?
- Am I tired of conflicts at work, family or partnerships?
- What does sex with my partner mean to me?
- Do I like what he does in bed?
- Does my husband suffer from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation?
- Do I suffer from any chronic disease?
- What medications do I take regularly?
- Do I experience pain during sex?
- How does my partner deal with my passion and desire?
Sexuality problems happen at any age. However, sometimes mature and older men have great difficulty with erection, and women take longer to get aroused. Therefore, be more tolerant of each other, enjoy the foreplay. Discuss problems, keep trying new things, and talk about your desires.