In the event of divorce, the situation is far from being egalitarian in the courts when it comes to defining the type of childcare. According to Christine Castelain-Meunier, sociologist, we have to go back to the beginning of the industrial era to understand the erasure of men in education.
Parents.fr: Why does the word of mothers sometimes carry more weight than that of fathers before a family court judge?
Christine Castelain-Meunier: The idea that fathers are not legitimate to take care of children (even more babies) is still anchored in mentalities. However, we must remember that in the Middle Ages, and even in prehistoric times, men took care of children, fed them, and took them hunting!
This rupture in the way of seeing parenthood dates back to the XNUMXth century, to the industrial era. From the advent of work outside the home, men took on this role “outside” and left all private tasks – home and children – to their wives.
It was not until the end of the 1975th century that new, more egalitarian standards developed. In XNUMX, when divorce by mutual consent is made possible, the judges still entrust the child to the care of the mother in a systematic way. Since then, mentalities have slowly evolved in the courts and in society.
Divorce: why do men not have custody of the children?
Parents.fr: How to explain that still 70% of women request the main residence and that in case of disagreement, 35% of them refuse the joint custody offered by their ex-spouse?
Ch. Castelain-Meunier : It is a curious paradox. The new generation of men is looking to get more and more involved, to bond with their child. Fatherhood was “institutional”, it becomes “relational”.
At the same time, the imperative to be a “good mother”, implying to spend a lot of time with his children, got stronger. Some women then face fathers who are very willing to educate their children and may find themselves in a form of confusion.
In a way, this paternity embarrasses them, they find it difficult to give up ground, to give up their role of “control” when the child is with his father … It is a whole process to experience.
Parents.fr: Similarly, the figures are surprising for fathers: they ask for joint custody in only 21% of cases. Why ?
C.C.-M. : Like women, men look for themselves in this new context. They don’t have a model, their only inheritance is often a father who “did things wrong”.
They must therefore fight to impose their way of being a father, define their place in the family. Not to mention the suspicion cast on their virility if they fully assume their paternity. In short, some are shy, cautious and are putting a spade in the wheels themselves.
Afterwards, it’s a vicious circle. The less you see your children, the less you feel legitimate. And the bond can become difficult to maintain.
Education: what role for the father?
Parents.fr: However, the importance of the father in the education of children is no longer to be proven …
C.C.-M. : He moves crucial for the child to develop with other voices, other gestures, other skins than those of his mother. The exchanges of glance between a father and his baby are of an incredible richness. We marginalized the men of the world of early childhood, erase the paternal instinct by opposing the masculine to the feminine.
We have to write a new story, for men to fight in the courts to be able to get involved, to talk about their situation, to come out of the guilt, to seek advice. And children, boys and girls, by imitation will have much less trouble than their parents to conceive equality parental.