I’m afraid to be alone… — in my childhood, my relatives reacted to this fear and stayed with me whenever I wanted. I don’t want to leave my childhood!
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The fear of parting is at the same time a difficult feeling, and a bad habit, and a phantom of a negative nature, capable of taking psychosomatically real outlines.
Behind the fear of parting, there may be nothing but empty words, or there may be a full-fledged functional state of fear with all its somatic attributes (trembling, paralysis of will, disorder of attention and decrease in intelligence).
Like a fairy tale, separation anxiety paints a beautiful picture of past intimate relationships and a dark, horrific picture of a future independent future.
Sample text: “I can’t imagine life without you!” «I’m afraid to lose you!» (with a hidden accusation that you are to blame for my fear).
As a script in relationships, the fear of separation plays out through helplessness, stupidity, tantrums, crying and tears. More often it is female emotion and female behavior.
The fear of parting is usually experienced more by those who are abandoned. This is both culturally appropriate and a convenient way to put pressure on someone who plans to leave a previous relationship (see Causes of Problem Behavior).
I’m afraid to be alone… — in my childhood, my relatives reacted to this fear and stayed with me whenever I wanted. I don’t want to leave my childhood!
The fear of parting is based on the tale of parting as a painful stage in the breakup of close relationships. The parting tale suggests that parting is heartache for someone who treasured the relationship, and the severity of the heartache speaks to how much the person treasured the relationship. Such cultural myths cultivate a sense of heartache, but — do you need it?.
How long does it take?
Usually, parting seems like a tragedy only at first, when there is still an unconscious hope that the parting is not forever and everything can be returned to its original place. As a child, you could achieve your goal by being very upset: what if this will help now? As soon as the realization comes that the relationship is really over, that it is really pointless to play the tragedy further, sane people switch to other concerns — they master their new position and get used to a new way of life.
How to react to it? — Calm down, positively, no way. This is a common childhood manipulation, no one has died from it yet.
If this is a hysterical demand “be always with me, love me always, tolerate any of me,” then at the moment of hysteria, talking with a person about something is just as appropriate as admonishing a drunk. It makes no sense. Just act, just do what you planned, talk is meaningless now.
If it’s like a request “support me and come soon”, then kiss and come soon. But later, when you come and everything is fine and already calm, be sure to discuss this situation so that it does not turn into a sick attachment and a nuisance for both of you.
How to warn it?
This is really important. If you have been friends for more than a day, you may have already noticed many times small attempts to control you with the help of resentment, frustration and other negative emotions. The first times are always tests, checks, to see how you react to it. If you react with any emotion in response (whether in plus or minus, reciprocal dissatisfaction or reciprocal tenderness), this will continue and intensify from time to time. If you react not with emotions, but with calmness and (once) a discussion of her behavior, the person will either leave you, or a very decent person will appear next to you. And you and each other will be very good!
What if I’m already connected? — Good question. Live, smart, think. Go to a good training. Read Love and Affection.