An environmentally friendly attitude to the surrounding space and an environmentally friendly attitude to one’s own psyche have much more in common than it might seem at first glance. Psychologist Olga Agafonova talks about unexpected parallels and coincidences.
I am a practicing psychologist. And I sort the garbage. It would seem, how are my professional interests related to my eco-habits? Oddly enough, directly.
Years of working with clients show how difficult it can be for a person to take the first step towards change and how, if he did take it, as if by magic, all areas of his life change — one after another.
Deciding to visit a psychologist is not easy. To do this, you first need to acknowledge that there is a problem. Second, decide to change your life. Third, psychotherapy requires investment—personal, emotional, temporal, and financial. Therefore, often, instead of contacting a specialist, it is easier for many to pretend that nothing unpleasant is happening, and try not to notice what is bothering them. Or hope that someone else will solve the problem. Preferably quickly and effortlessly.
However, problems rarely resolve themselves, and hoping that others will solve them usually ends in a co-dependent relationship. Sooner or later, you will have to take responsibility and take action. So why not start with sorting garbage, if it’s still scary to turn to a psychologist? If you are not ready to change yourself, start putting things in order around you, and you will be surprised to notice that purity, clarity, and harmony gradually appear both in your head and in your life.
What do therapy and waste sorting have in common?
1. Resistance. Both in the process of psychotherapy and in the implementation of an environmentally friendly approach, you may encounter resistance. Having made the decision to separate waste collection, you will notice that the world is not yet quite ready for this and is far from being fully adapted. To hand over recyclables, you need to rinse it, sort it and take it to a special collection point, or at least to the nearest tank with the inscription «Secondary Waste». It is more difficult than what we are used to, it takes time and resources.
It is much easier to throw a garbage bag into a mixed waste bin or into a garbage chute without thinking about where it will go next and how many hundreds of years it will decompose in a landfill and pollute nature. Approximately the same “demons” will tempt you to interrupt therapy: “I don’t have time for this now, I don’t have extra money, this is the wrong psychologist. I’d rather live as I lived … «
2. «That’s all of them.» Sometimes we blame others for our problems. Sometimes we long for their repentance, confession, apologies, fulfillment of promises. We expect them to suddenly “understand everything” and do for us what we demand. The cohort of these «others» includes parents and other relatives, partners (current and former), children, bosses, friends, teachers (their own or our children), the state and the government, and anyone else.
This step is very important in therapy. It must be lived in order to move on. Even if your parents were unfair to you and in many ways wrong in childhood or now, it is in your power to change the situation, draw conclusions, take responsibility and move on. You can blame others for all your failures all your life, or you can take a closer look at yourself and see that in fact a lot depends on us and each person is able to change his life.
In the case of separate waste collection, resistance arises at the first stage when food containers have to be rinsed and sorted, and not just thrown into one common bucket. Further, it is customary to scold the authorities for the fact that there is no recycling center in front of each entrance, or at least a round-the-clock eco-mobile: “First, they have to organize everything for me, and then I will think about whether it is worth doing sorting.” At the thought that it is necessary not only to use the garbage chute, but to carry the package somewhere, there is indignation. And if you have to go and carry your garbage in order to hand it over, this causes strong resistance.
3. We change ourselves — the world is changing. In the process of psychotherapy, a specialist accompanies, supports, helps to survive difficult emotions and get out of difficult situations with useful experience and new strength. At the same time, the psychologist works with us, and not with our environment: he does not directly affect others in any way.
Amazingly, if you successfully pass the resistance stage, the environment and the world around you will also change. Mom suddenly begins to understand you better, the husband becomes more sensual, the children become more obedient, the boss becomes calm. Passers-by smile, passengers step aside in transport, and the “green traffic light wave” makes it faster and easier to get to the right place.
To some, this may seem like a fiction, but those who have undergone or are undergoing psychotherapy will confirm how much the quality and standard of life is changing.
When I started sorting garbage, no one believed in the success of this venture. I was convinced that there was no point in this, because in the end everything would end up in one tank. They reminded us that the state must first do everything for our convenience. They pointed to the «west», where «everything is like with people, not like with us.»
I heard what they told me, but I treated it as a private opinion: I did not convince anyone, did not force, did not blame anyone for their unwillingness to take care of nature. I just felt that I could not do otherwise, and continued to calmly sort recyclables and hand them over for recycling. Somehow, imperceptibly, my friends and acquaintances also got involved — even those who thought that this was not their story at all.
My mother now sorts plastic, glass and metal, although at first she considered it empty and useless. Recycle bins and nets began to appear around my house and the houses of my friends, although this used to be a rarity. Is this not a confirmation that the space responds to our requests and needs? In addition, it became obvious to everyone that the sorting process itself is much simpler than it seemed. There is nothing terrible and burdensome in this, you just have to start.
Where to begin
1. Mindfulness. This is what we strive for in the process of psychotherapy. A conscious attitude towards oneself and the world, the ability to listen and hear oneself and others, to feel the moment «here and now», to think about one’s actions, to take responsibility for oneself. This is the basis of a free and happy life. If you are thinking about a healthy relationship with nature and yourself, check out the data on how much different types of garbage decompose and how much damage landfills cause to the environment. Perhaps this will help you decide to stop regularly replenishing landfills and come to sorting and recycling.
2. Start small. Turning to a psychologist, one should hardly expect that in one or two consultations it will be possible to resolve all the issues accumulated over the years. At the first sessions, you get to know a specialist, tell what worries you and what you would like, conclude a “contract”, agree on working methods and the frequency of meetings. At the same time, an anamnesis and diagnostics are taken.
It is unlikely that you yourself will be ready from the first minutes of a conversation to dive into the depths of emotions in order to deal with everything at once. I am for a careful attitude towards myself, for a gradual acquaintance with my inner world and a careful study of exciting topics. This is a transition to a new level of consciousness and life in general. Do not force processes, so as not to harm yourself. Feel better and move at your own pace.
Same with sorting. Start small. If you decide to only recycle plastic, that’s better than nothing. When you’re ready, you can expand the range.
3. Information space. To understand our soul, we read psychological books and blogs, watch thematic webinars, listen to lectures, attend conferences and trainings, go on retreats and turn to psychologists for help. To understand the issues of sorting and processing, you can subscribe to useful social media accounts. For example, for a project or on a YouTube channel .
I believe that the more people sort garbage, the more popular and natural this activity becomes. Even in small towns, we will gradually come to widespread separate collection. In any case, it is better to start with yourself — just as in psychological work. It is our responsibility to clean the garbage from our psyche and rid the planet on which we live. Nobody but us will do it. There are no magic pills, so you will have to change your lifestyle, habits and attitude towards yourself and the world. Believe me, it’s worth it!