The life of a high school student is marked by the need to choose a university and pass the exam. On the threshold of the future, the support of his parents is invaluable for him.
Luck is the result of effort
The interest in knowledge among high school students depends primarily on the atmosphere at school, the prestige of education among friends, and the plans of the teenager himself for the future. But there is an important area where the role of parents is great. It depends on us how the child perceives the reasons for his successes and failures. He may consider that his success is an accident (for example, the result of a teacher’s good mood or the fact that he came across a familiar topic), and explain his failures as a lack of talent … And why try if nothing depends on you? “It is very important to show in communication with a son or daughter that our efforts are necessary for stable success,” says psychologist Tamara Gordeeva. “But at the same time, teach the child flexibility: rather than doing something that doesn’t work over and over again, it’s better to look for a new solution strategy.” It is difficult to admit a mistake and move on if the child is sure that he is inattentive. Any label that “sticks” to teenagers limits them, prevents them from treating themselves constructively. Telling a child that he is incapable, lazy, we cause him helplessness, grief, despair; he doesn’t understand what to do. “And vice versa, when a teenager sees a connection between the result and the strategy he has chosen,” continues Tamara Gordeeva, “he begins to analyze what and why he is doing, where it is better to start next time.”
Overcome fear of exams
It is not easy to keep cool and not succumb to the general panic associated with passing the exam. “Parents are primarily concerned about the result,” says Tamara Gordeeva. Guilt manipulation (“I’m so worried about you” or “We spent so much money on tutors, you just can’t pass the exam badly”) may cause a surge in hard work, but it will be short-lived. Interest and desire to prepare for the exam arise in schoolchildren only when adults orient them to the process of finding answers, to the content of assignments, albeit not always logical and well-composed. The intelligence of high school students is not inferior to the intelligence of adults. However, when cramming and coaching on the result, only memory is used, which means for the child a retreat to a lower level of thinking. Such a method not only weakens his motivation, but also drains his strength.” It is enough for parents to offer their help, but not to impose it. Stay interested and believe that the child will cope with the trials (after all, worrying, we imperceptibly undermine the child’s confidence in his abilities — children feel us very well).
Help your teenager understand himself
To decide on plans for the future, a high school student needs the help of parents. Not knowing himself, he may not calculate his strength and get carried away by extremes — to study all day long or not to study at all. Lack of experience does not yet allow a teenager to be objective: it is difficult for him to see his strengths, to understand his desires, priorities, tastes and interests. There are many approaches to self-organization, but one that is based on self-knowledge will be effective. What am I? Is it easier for me to memorize by ear or take notes? Work gradually or by storm? This is where parents can help teenagers: give advice, show different options, talk about their own experiences. “Talk openly with your child about what he can expect after school,” says family psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya. — Plan the future with him, taking into account the financial capabilities of the family. For example, there is money for tutors or courses, but alas, for a paid department … If this is not clear, he will think that almighty parents will somehow decide everything for him. Some teenagers cannot make a decision about their future specialty for a long time. If a child thinks that a profession is chosen once and for life, this will only exacerbate his anxiety. Moreover, the era when many people worked in one place all their lives is a thing of the past. So feel free to make your first choice!