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Maria Arbatova believes that being a self-sufficient person is quite enough.
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What is self-sufficiency and a self-sufficient person? Who needs it and why, self-sufficiency?
Self-sufficiency is when you have enough of yourself and you are not afraid of loneliness. When you have everything important, when you can do without others.
Self-sufficiency is a negative version of independence. The slogan of independence is «Thank you, I can handle it myself.» «I can manage without you!» — the slogan of self-sufficiency.
It is necessary to distinguish between economic, psychological and social self-sufficiency. When a young man cannot do without his mother to feed himself in the morning, this is not economic self-sufficiency. If a girl cannot imagine herself without communicating with her mother and friends, this is a psychological lack of self-sufficiency. Social self-sufficiency is when you are not just smart and strong, but also successful, wealthy, in your business. Not self-sufficiency is a problematic state, but self-sufficiency is not always good. Self-sufficiency can also be healthy and problematic.
If a man loves to be with friends, but feels great without them, this is healthy self-sufficiency. If the same man arranges his life in such a way that he does not depend on anyone and does not meet with anyone, this self-sufficiency is problematic.
Self-sufficiency is both a state of mind and the presence of certain life skills. Self-sufficiency has its various facets and is defined by several lines. This is the ability to live on one’s own, to do without outside help, to organize life around oneself, at one’s own expense.
At a minimum, feed and clothe yourself with your own money, but seriously, live on your own square. For example, rent an apartment.
It is also the ability to make decisions on your own, to live with your head, guided only by your own judgment. Which does not mean «not to listen to anyone.» Asking is good, listening to reasonable advice is useful, but I will decide for myself. It is the habit of living without needing outside support or approval when you have the strength to make your decisions without the approval of friends and others around you.
If you take full responsibility for your actions, then the approval or disapproval of others for you becomes nothing more than feedback, and nothing more. The same goes for the need for the attention of others. This is nice, but for a self-sufficient person it is no longer very necessary.
And, a very important point — the absence of sick attachments. If you understand that someone’s existence is necessary for you as air, letters or calls from someone are a matter of life and death for you, it is difficult to talk about self-sufficiency. These are sick attachments, and this is not self-sufficiency.
The condition for healthy self-sufficiency is the absence of fears or the ability to overcome them. An anxious person is not a self-sufficient person, or his self-sufficiency acquires features of isolation, features of running away from life.
Self-sufficiency attracts many, but how many? Most often, those who are tormented by the fear of loneliness and dream of getting rid of it, which for him means: to become a self-sufficient person. See →
Is self-sufficiency good?
Self-sufficiency is not liked by everyone and not by everyone. The shadow side of self-sufficiency is separateness, isolation from others. If a young person is learning self-sufficiency because he does not know how to live among people, then such a withdrawal into self-sufficiency is hardly the best way out. Parents often do not like the self-sufficiency of children, because children can no longer listen to them calmly. If parents are stupid, then self-sufficiency of children is a wonderful way out. If the parents are wise, and self-sufficient children stop listening to them ahead of time, this situation is more controversial. The more confident a self-sufficient person is, the more open he is to smart prompts from the outside, the more qualitative his self-sufficiency turns out to be.
How to become a self-sufficient person?
The only way to become a self-sufficient person is to stop waiting, let alone demand something from others, to start living and behaving like an adult and self-sufficient person. First steps: learn how to serve yourself, learn how to earn money and solve all your life problems on your own.
Gosha lived as a completely self-sufficient person until he met his beloved woman.
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Prospects for development: what’s next, beyond self-sufficiency?
Everything has its time. At a certain stage, self-sufficiency is a sign of growing up, a sign of the qualitative development of a person.
“I know how to stand on my own feet in life” is worthy.
But self-sufficiency is not at all the height of personal development, the ability to take care of oneself is only the beginning. Don’t get stuck on self-sufficiency. Start learning to think about others, take care of others, learn to give care to people around you.
Gosha from the film «Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears» lived as a completely self-sufficient person until he met his beloved woman. After that, he may have lost his self-sufficiency to some extent, but gained love and a new meaning in life. What we wish you.
For those who are interested, we recommend the exercise «If I loved», for those who are completely interested — the University of Practical Psychology. And good luck to all of us!