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A heart-to-heart conversation or psychotherapy with a specialist? There is one more option. In self-help groups, all participants share their problems and support each other. But this conversation is still very different from communication with friends, and from individual work with a psychologist.
One evening, several people gathered around a table in the premises of The Wing sorority in New York. It was not the first time that events were held there with the participation of celebrities, motivational speakers and career coaches, but this time there was an unusual atmosphere. The theme of the meeting that evening was “Getting Over the Transition”, the event itself served as a peer support group for women to share experiences and connect with people with similar problems.
A variety of topics were discussed – from parting with partners to changing careers, some of those present shared advice, comforting those who were ready to burst into tears at any moment. The meeting was a moment of catharsis, after which many participants said that they felt like they had been in a psychotherapy session.
“I myself work with a psychotherapist, but at the same time I am open to all forms of support – psychological and even spiritual. At the meeting, I was silent, but I listened to other people’s stories, experienced with these people, and this also helped. I’m interested to know what others have to go through, because when I’m alone, I only think about my situation, it seems that I alone have to experience this, but here I know that this is not so, ”says one of the participants in the meeting, 31 -year-old Gina Roco.
The MNDFL guided meditation studio in New York also hosts regular self-help group meetings. They are open to everyone who wants to talk on a given topic and share feelings and experiences. Recently, there was discussion of the law on severe restriction of abortions, passed in the state of Alabama in May 2019.
The organizers suggested that the participants of the event, for a start, just silently reflect on the feelings that the new law caused in them. After the meeting, everyone shared how they felt when they realized they were not alone in their experiences.
The composition of the group will be different each time, which will give you the opportunity to communicate with a variety of people.
“It seems to me that a sense of community and unity comes from shared experience and mutual support,” says Ellie Burrow, founder of the MNDFL studio.
A simple Google search will show that there are a great many such communities – from specialized groups that help overcome severe grief or overcome alcoholism, as well as “general purpose” self-help groups, whose members share experiences of coping with everyday difficulties.
Research shows that it really does work — members of self-help groups say that the activities give them strength and confidence and help them overcome feelings of isolation. These results are encouraging, since individual psychotherapy is not available to everyone and not everywhere.
What are “self-help groups”?
Self-help groups come in many different forms, but the general definition goes something like this: any space where a group of people come together to discuss similar experiences. For example, one group may deal with the problem of coping with loss, the other with dealing with anxiety, but in any case, group members experience similar experiences.
“Anyone can lead a self-help group, anyone who has experienced the same thing as the rest of the participants, even if he does not have a special education or license. Of course, it can also be a professional psychologist, psychotherapist, social worker,” explains New York-based clinical psychologist Kimmy Ramotar.
“Groups meet regularly, most often once a week, meetings usually last about an hour. For many participants, these meetings are of great benefit – when they associate with people who are experiencing the same difficulties, it becomes much easier for them. It helps to overcome the feeling of isolation, to understand that they are not alone with their pain, ”adds Ramotar.
Sometimes all you need to do is to listen to another person with similar problems to make it easier for you.
Meetings vary from group to group, but usually the facilitator invites you to talk about a particular topic and asks the appropriate questions. For example, if the topic of the group is grief, the facilitator may invite participants to talk about some situation in which they managed to channel their difficult experiences into a productive channel.
Then the conversation usually takes place in a free form, the participants communicate with each other. The facilitator makes sure that they do not go far from the topic and show respect for each other.
You don’t have to attend the group regularly, you can come as often (or rarely) as you like. Therefore, the composition of the group will be different each time, which will give you the opportunity to communicate with a variety of people.
Self-help group is not psychotherapy
Psychotherapy (group or individual) is always carried out by a licensed professional psychologist. Treatment usually follows a specific plan. It is important to attend therapy sessions regularly, without gaps – once a week, twice a month – depending on the agreement with the therapist.
“In therapy – both group and individual – it is necessary to talk with the therapist at each session, and often also do homework. Therapy usually has a specific goal – to reduce symptoms of anxiety or depression, to help the couple solve relationship problems, understand the cause of some emotions and experiences, etc., ”explains psychologist Lee Faustino, who leads a self-help group for those suffering from depressive disorders in New York .
Peer support group meetings, on the other hand, are not always led by specialists. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. “Sometimes, to make it easier for you, just listening to the story of another person with similar problems is enough,” emphasizes Lee Faustino.
Therapy, in addition, can be quite expensive (and not always covered by health insurance). Visiting a self-help group is in most cases completely free (or very inexpensive). It is also worth remembering the different ethical standards in psychotherapy and peer support groups. For example, you can expect that everything you tell a therapist will remain between you. Self-help groups do not always respect the principle of confidentiality.
“The facilitator may ask the participants not to tell outsiders anything that was said at the meeting, but he does not have the opportunity to monitor compliance with these requirements. A psychotherapist, on the other hand, is both ethically and legally prohibited from disclosing confidential information of clients – except in exceptional cases when it comes to a threat to life or health, ”explains Kimmy Ramotar.
Self-help groups allow you to directly meet and communicate with people suffering from the same problems.
According to Lee Faustino, first of all, people go to a self-help group to feel that they are not alone. “Because you don’t have to say anything in group meetings, it’s the easiest way for some to get help,” says Faustino.
“Of course, individual therapy can give strength and confidence, but the same result can be obtained in another way – with the help of a self-help group. The members of the group support each other on an emotional level, and this support gives them hope.
They help each other, motivate and encourage. They exchange experience and knowledge – in the group you can get not only emotional support, but also valuable information – for example, on fighting an illness or solving divorce problems, ”says Kimmy Ramotar.
Is a self-help group right for you?
If you can’t afford individual therapy, or if you find it particularly important to connect with “comrades in misfortune,” it’s worth trying a peer support group. This option also works well for those whose schedules are too unpredictable for regular sessions with a therapist.
But there are also certain disadvantages. If you are overly sensitive to the problems of others or, on the contrary, do not want to contact anyone, most likely, such groups will not suit you.
“In support groups there are people with tragic fates and severe symptoms, sometimes they behave inappropriately or do not respect personal boundaries. It can be difficult for some to listen to their stories for an hour or longer,” explains Lee Faustino.
You need to be guided by common sense and listen to yourself: if the group and the leader cause unpleasant emotions, it is better to leave
Most experts still believe that self-help groups cannot completely replace psychotherapy in the treatment of diagnosed mental disorders (eg, depression).
“Some do without psychotherapy – the group gives them a sense of community and togetherness that the therapist cannot give. But to solve serious problems that interfere with daily life, the group may not be enough. For my patients, I usually recommend a combination of psychotherapy and work in a self-help group, and in really serious cases, also drug treatment, ”explains Lee Faustino.
Be prepared for the fact that you may have to try several options until you find the right one for you. Some groups stick to narrow topics, while others can discuss a wide variety of topics. The groups also differ significantly in the number of participants. And of course, the atmosphere largely depends on the personality of the presenter.
“It seems to me that the most important thing is that the group is led by a person whom you trust. Here you need to be guided by common sense and listen to yourself: if the participants and the host cause unpleasant emotions, it is better to leave, ”Lee Faustino sums up.