On an average of six times a day, the problem of self-harm appears in conversations with 116 111 consultants. This is one of the forms of self-harm used by children and teenagers. Auto-aggression does not always mean cutting the body, however. It is also all the other acts that aim to inflict pain on oneself. How and why do children and young people hurt themselves? Michalina Kulczykowska, an expert in a helpline for children and adolescents, explains for MedTvoiLokona.
- Self-harm in the form of self-harm mainly affects adolescents. For children and young people, it is a form of release of emotions – explains the expert
- Young people usually do it so that traces are not visible, but it also happens that they want these wounds to be seen
- Young people can be really creative. I know the case of a girl who mutilated herself on the breast – only this place has not been seen by anyone – says Michalina Kulczykowska
- On March 1, we celebrate the World Day of Self-Aggression Awareness
- More current information can be found on the Onet homepage.
Agnieszka Mazur-Puchała, Medonet: How is self-aggression manifested in young people?
Michalina Kulczykowska, helpline expert: The most common way is the one that comes to mind first, which is self-harm. Children and teenagers mutilate their bodies through incisions, most often in the hands or wrists. But not only. In fact, any part of the body can be cut in an act of self-harm. Young people do it in such a way that no traces are visible, but it also happens that it is quite the opposite – they want these wounds to be visible.
Self-aggression among children and young people can take many forms. In my work, I have encountered many things, including tearing out my hair, nails, cuticles or scratching myself to the blood. It’s about anything that hurts, hurts. In fact, every young person can come up with a different form, because it is mainly about the auto-aggressive function itself.
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What exactly is this function for? Why do young people hurt themselves?
It is about relieving tension or emotions. It does work, but only for a while. This is also how we explain it to children. Relief does come after the self-harm, but it wears off faster and faster each time. You can become addicted to this feeling, and the need for it also increases over time – young people must use self-harm more and more often to feel better. This, in turn, endangers their health and even life, and is not a way of coping with problems.
Children and adolescents we talk to often explain that during an act of self-harm, they are able to feel themselves. There are so many thoughts and emotions in them, they are so lost that this self-violence is a way to come down to earth. Then the child begins to feel his body, which makes him forget about his mental problems for a while. Young people often say that physical pain is easier for them to bear.
You are talking not only about teenagers, but also about children. What’s the minimum age? When do children consciously begin to hurt themselves?
This is not an issue that only affects teenagers. Most often they are in the 13-15 and 16-18 age groups, but there are also cases of 12-, 11-, and even 10-year-old children. Young people who are, for example, 15 years old, but have been using auto-aggression for five years, also write to us, so they started to do it very early.
You have distinguished between cases of self-harm to those taking place in hiding and those where young people want someone to see their wounds. Is it such a cry for help?
Among others. There is a tendency to treat self-mutilation as an attempt to get attention, but also a cry for help. In my experience, there are more of these functions. So, first and foremost, it is about relieving tension through physical pain. We are approached by children who say, “I was walking with my wrists uncovered, everything was visible, and no one ever asked me about it. The parents pretended not to see anything, and neither did the teachers at school ».
Neither are the teachers? In their case, there is no obligation to intervene in such situations?
It happens that they do not react. I don’t know if they really don’t see these wounds or if they don’t want to see them. School staff are required to notify parents when there is an immediate threat to life. Mutilation itself is not a threat to life. Self-harm is often confused with thoughts of suicide, but they are really two different things. Of course, it may be that someone is thinking about taking their own life and is self-harming at the same time, but one thing does not arise from the other. So in the case of incisions, this direct threat theoretically does not exist. But indeed a teacher who sees disturbing signals, scars, should look after such a student. This is the moment when a school specialist should be involved – a psychologist or educator.
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How does the topic of self-harm among young people look statistically? The number of such cases is increasing over the years or is it rather constant?
Rather, it remains at a steady but high level, she would say. Self-harm itself is not the main topic of conversation. Usually, a young person contacts us in connection with mental difficulties, in the family or in contact with peers. And in the course of the conversation, self-harm occurs very often. In fact, we already have as standard the question “Are you mutilating yourself?”. Because a lot of young people try to cope in this way.
The pandemic has increased the number of suicide attempts among adolescents, increased domestic violence, and increased the number of adolescents with depression. What has changed in the topic of self-harm during this year?
Here, the form changed in those kids and teens who didn’t want anyone to know about their self-harm. They had to find a new way to do this since the rest of the family were at home all the time. In this case, unfortunately, young people can be really inventive. I know of a girl who mutilated her breast because it was a place on her body that no one saw.
In such a situation, how can parents know what is happening? Is there a way to do that?
Yes, because apart from the wounds themselves, there are also other symptoms. I personally do not know a single case when the child’s only problem was self-harm. This is the result of other mental difficulties. I always say that you have to be careful about any deviations from the norm in your children. Of course, teenagers are people who change and behave differently. But if we know our child and observe him every day, we will notice that something bad is starting to happen. And then we should react.
How?
Let us signal that we are here, that the children can talk to us. But – what is very important in the case of self-harm – do not panic. Usually, if someone mutilates himself, he has too much of his emotions. And if we adults add ours to it, it will become too much of an accumulation. Also, do not expect a young man that when we tell him, “Do not mutilate yourself anymore”, he will adapt, stop and never do so again. Mutilations are addictive and take time to deal with. Psychotherapy is also most often needed. As an aid, weighted blankets can be used, which give a sense of security and reduce anxiety.
So it’s not something you grow out of. You cannot count on a young person simply “going through”. Our reaction is necessary.
Yes, we definitely need to intervene. Sometimes it is said that someone is mutilating himself for the sake of fashion. But it’s easy to tell. If a young man follows the crowd, he will do it once or maybe twice and stop. Because this self-mutilation will be useless to him. It will not give him any relief, it will not help relieve tension. The situation is different when someone faces problems. Then, even if he starts mutilating himself for conformist reasons, he will feel relieved. And that’s a sign that he has mental difficulties that need to be dealt with.
Where to go for help?
- Psychologists and psychotherapists
- A helpline for children and teenagers. Open 24 hours a day, seven days a week: 116 111
- Contact form
Also read:
- Suicidal thoughts – causes and help
- Can i be depressed? Self-assessment test
- When mental illness moves into our home, let’s learn how to live with it
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