Perhaps we have happiness, but we simply do not know about it … Moving away from our essence, we enter into a confrontation with ourselves and others, which will never bring satisfaction. The philosopher Leonardo Arena reminds us of Eastern wisdom: to be happy means, first of all, to find your true self.
Psychologies: You talk about happiness as a mental state. That is, as about something that is available to everyone. Why then is happiness so difficult to achieve?
Leonardo Arena: the main difficulty is that happiness is not a goal to be achieved, but a path. It is difficult to find happiness, because we are used to thinking of it as what we strive for and what we do not have. Therefore, we feel disappointed when we do not find happiness, because we are looking for it somewhere outside of ourselves.
Thus, happiness is identified with the achievement of one or another good. And in many parables, dating back to Taoism, it is said that we already have everything that is needed for happiness.
You call to look for the treasure hidden in us. Where can we start this journey?
Lao Tzu said: without leaving the courtyard, you can know the world. The search for hidden treasure always begins with awareness. It can happen in a dream or due to a chance meeting: we notice that we are missing something. We don’t know exactly what. Although the subject of search is unknown, we search in different directions until we understand: search is a new acquisition of opportunities that we already have. Actually, you don’t have to go anywhere. What we have is already with us.
Success, money, career have nothing to do with happiness?
No. We strive for success, but then, having achieved it, we are not satisfied, because we understand that this is not what we were really looking for. But this is not a defeat, because the main thing is to notice the moment of crisis, to understand that behind our desire was an attempt, albeit erroneous, to find ourselves. And from here you can move on.
Followers of Sufism live by the principle: «To be in the world, but not of this world»…
Yes, a person can do whatever he wants, set himself any goal, but if he does not have inner freedom, if he depends on what he has achieved, his life will have no meaning. It’s all about the way you understand life. A person can be very successful and still be himself. It is important to be aware that true happiness is not the goal, but how we go towards the goal.
Today, many lament that they lack something, and Taoism calls to be content with what you have. How to reconcile these contradictions?
To be satisfied does not mean not to have aspirations and desires. But if you did not happen to be born a crane, there is no need to envy the crane. Anyone who lives the dream of being a rock star will be forever disappointed…
Let the other can achieve goals that are inaccessible to me — this does not mean that his life was more successful than mine.
Very often they say: if I had a bigger house, if I got on television, if I had love, a better job, I would be happy. But, reasoning in this way, I myself deny myself happiness, because, linking it with the achievement of some good, I will always depend on others.
There is such a parable. The horse in the stable complains that he is less valued than other horses. But when those others are sent to war, she realizes how lucky she is. I cannot envy another, because I do not know what his fate is. Everyone lives their own life. Let the other can achieve goals that are beyond my reach — this does not mean that his life was more successful than mine.
Many oriental stories call to use the possibilities of the present. How to notice the signals that life sends us?
The answers are always in front of us, but expectations prevent us from seeing them. We are like a character in a Buddhist parable who does not notice that the door to the dungeon where he spent many years is open and remains a prisoner.
Similarly, we make the same mistakes, reliving situations that hurt us over and over again. We feel out of place in this or that environment, and yet we strive for it. This inevitably entails psychosomatic disorders, headaches, fatigue, anxiety.
Let me give you an example of career growth, which often forces us to make compromises that some part of our being does not accept. In a word, it is not by chance that we are confronted with people or situations of a certain type. We cannot blame others for being unhappy, only we ourselves are the masters of our destiny.
One parable tells of a man who walked all night to visit a friend, but just before his door turns back. Happiness is also the ability to change course, to look for new paths?
Yes, while realizing at every moment what we really want. Most would certainly visit a friend, since they spent the energy for a whole night of travel. And the hero of this story turns back, because on that snowy night, when he was going to his friend, he had already experienced the sensations he was striving for. He saw the beauty of the night landscape — he no longer needs to see a friend. Even more than that: a conversation with him could disturb his peace.
In general, to be happy, sometimes you need to be able to stop at the right moment …
Exactly. Having tasted what you aspired to, you can end your day. If we talk about everyday life, this means not overeating food, paying attention to the signals of the body that it is full.
And you don’t need to take on all the cases at once, be too active. This is a call to moderation — not to humility, but to understand each time what is really good for us and what is not.