Secrets of attractiveness from the point of view of science

As soon as this woman enters the room, and everyone turns in her direction … As soon as he speaks, other conversations fall silent: everyone wants to listen to him alone … And the reason is not in beauty and eloquence. Or not only in them. There is a mysterious quality at work here, an innate or acquired charm, a set of those skills and traits that help us stand out favorably from others. Where does it come from and what is it for?

All about my mother

We know that we have a charm if we are told about it in one way or another. The interest, approval, delight of the other confirm that we are able to attract others to us. What does psychology know about when and how we acquire this property?

“The pleasure of being liked by others appears very early,” says French psychoanalyst Gisele Arrus-Revidy. – Probably, you have noticed that some children like others, while others do not. The first ones already have a childish charm: they look at you and you find them charming. But this is due not so much to their appearance as to contact – they know how to draw attention to themselves.

An infant, of course, will not learn to maintain contact without the help of an adult. And more often it is the mother who becomes the “simulator” for the child in developing this quality.

“In order to feel entitled to attract others, we need a look that emphasizes our dignity, inspires confidence that we are special and one of a kind,” explains Gisele Arrus-Revidy. – The mother’s gaze makes the child attractive, as it supports children’s narcissism (“I-libido” or “narcissistic libido”) – a vital energy that contributes to personal development. The child begins to attract others because he attracted the mother with his body and smell.

But it also happens that a loved one for one reason or another (burnout, illness, character traits) does not respond to the infant’s attempts to win him over. Unfortunately, this indifference can affect our lives.

“A person devoid of charm recognizes in the depths of his soul that his mother was right, who looked at him in childhood with an empty, cold, bored look,” says Gisele Arrus-Revidi. “The lack of love always manifests itself in the need to prove one’s attractiveness both to others and to oneself.”

The evolution of attractiveness

From the point of view of biology, charm “is in the service” of sexual selection. It is based on two processes: competition between representatives of the same sex for the most profitable partner and the choice of a potential lover. Sexual selection is a special case of natural selection. “Natural selection is primarily a story about reproductive success: about how many children you have, how many of them will survive and live to maturity,” notes biologist and paleontologist Alexander Markov.

Let’s make a reservation right away: in everyone’s life there are goals that have nothing to do with the evolutionary aspirations of our species. The physicist Isaac Newton remained a bachelor and, moreover, a virgin, because he believed that a woman would distract him from science. Actress Helen Mirren has no children, and she has repeatedly said that she never aspired to motherhood. However, most of us still do not mind being the center of attention of the opposite sex. What is required for this?

“The attractiveness of a potential marriage partner can be considered from a scientific point of view,” says Alexander Markov. “And in different species, different traits positively or negatively influence preferences.” Biologists and anthropologists identify several parameters that make us attractive in the eyes of others. Let’s figure out why they are important for ourselves and for potential partners.

Features of the structure of the body

The physical parameters of another tell us how healthy and prosperous he is. “Ethological (ethology is a science that studies behavior, primarily its innate aspects. — Approx. ed.) Observations show that tall men are perceived by women as more attractive in all cultures,” writes ethologist and anthropologist Marina Butovskaya in the book “Language bodies: nature and culture.

A thin waist combined with wide hips in a woman is perceived as “an indirect sign of her good health and ability to conceive and bear a healthy child.”

Symmetry

When looking for a partner, we give preference to those whose face and body are “arranged” the most symmetrically. “This is explained simply: symmetry indicates a good genotype (hereditary basis. — Approx. ed.) of a potential partner and good conditions for its development,” explains Alexander Markov. “Genetic disorders and poor childhood conditions exacerbate the asymmetry.”

Facial features

Developed superciliary arches, a powerful chin in men speak of the work of androgens – male sex hormones. The full lips of a woman send information to her partner about the activity of female hormones – estrogens, which are necessary for successful conception. That’s why we like faces that seem to say: “My master is suitable to have offspring with him!” But there are some caveats.

“Women’s preferences also depend on the phase of the menstrual cycle. Polls show that on the days when women are fertile, they like men’s faces with pronounced masculine features more. But it’s not a fact that they marry just such people. On the one hand, future offspring need good genes, on the other hand, it is easier to communicate and interact with a more caring, less belligerent man,” Alexander Markov explains.

The power of smells

We have heard about the miraculous power of pheromones and that each of us has his own special scent that can both attract and repel a potential partner. It is believed that we are best suited to one whose smell is as different as possible from the aroma of our body. This difference speaks of differences in genotypes – and the less similar they are, the better for the offspring. Is there any chance of smelling a partner’s natural scent if we shower every day and use cosmetics?

“There were studies that showed that the influence of smells on the choice of a sexual partner is weak, but remains,” says Alexander Markov. – Now it is controversial and not obvious. In a situation where everyone is washing every day, using deodorants and perfumes, if the smell affects something, it is vanishingly weak.

Do not forget that in addition to evolutionary mechanisms, we are also influenced by the trends of time and the characteristics of national cultures. “When it comes to humans and other animals with a developed brain, it is difficult to understand to what extent the revealed preferences are innate, genetically determined, and to what extent they have developed in connection with experience, training, and cultural traditions,” Alexander Markov explains. “If where we live, it is generally accepted that a long neck is beautiful, everyone will think so.”

Unique recipe

“Today they explain to us that charm can be learned with the help of various techniques, techniques, and specialists. Is it real charm? Do not know. But if people are taught to show interest in the interlocutor, to be able to listen to him, then why not? I don’t see anything wrong with that,” comments Gisele Arrus-Revidi.

As for appearance, we know the stories of stunningly attractive celebrities whose lives did not work out, despite successful “initial data”. We also know those whose parameters are far from the standards of conventional beauty, but they are successful and loved due to their charisma. For those who, for various reasons, are not satisfied with their own appearance, the fashion, beauty and plastic surgery industries work. However, we can also work with what we have, if there is a desire.

Charm is like a recipe for your favorite cocktail: everyone has their own. Someone will like the tart Negroni, someone will be attracted to the sweet Pina Colada. Like real bartenders, we mix together the “ingredients” of attraction that we have. And we do not lose hope to meet someone who will appreciate our signature cocktail.