“Second mother”: how to get along with the children of her husband?

“When we are together, the child ignores me. I tried everything, but he doesn’t seem to see me…”

As the laws of communication say, there can be no communication. Even detached behavior without showing interest is a form of communication. So the child shows that he is not satisfied with this relationship, perhaps because he considers the newly-minted stepmother guilty of the destruction of his family or the loss of attention from his father. Understand that a child experiences stress getting used to a new life. The best thing you can do is to keep the right balance: do not try to win him at any cost, but do not show your displeasure or annoyance either.

“He talks to me about his mom all the time”

This is quite understandable: he does this because he is talking about a person who took a great part in his life (usually the mother takes care of the child), and because he wants to understand how the stepmother will behave towards his mother: “What is this will the woman say about my mother?”, “What does she think of her?”. It is right that a child asks himself such questions and that, unlike an adult, he does not beat around the bush, but speaks directly. Keep patience. The child wants to ascertain the stability of the order established in his new family. Do not allow yourself negative expressions in relation to his mother, adhere to a neutral behavior. Touch this issue only if it was raised by a child. And as soon as he is convinced that you have nothing against his mother, change the subject.

“He’s trying to get all of his father’s attention”

This is fine. However, it is normal that it annoys you. However, choosing a man with children, we choose difficulties. It is important to remember this from the very beginning. This relationship will require effort, sacrifice, and self-control. The more you show your irritation, the more you provoke the child. Your hostility depresses the baby – he is simply looking for confirmation of his father’s love, he wants to know that he will not be abandoned.

“He is jealous of our closeness and does not want to leave us alone”

Try to lead your intimate life in the absence of children and control yourself when they are at home. Of course, at the very beginning of a relationship, this may not be so easy. But your caresses, too revealing or provocative underwear can irritate and embarrass the child. In addition, imagine that in the place of children – your parents. Surely you would try to behave more restrained. Children deserve at least the same attention and respect.

“He doesn’t want to be with dad anymore (with us)”

Obviously, something happened that the child did not like. Or his own mother sets him up against his father. If the child lives with his mother and only visits his father, his detachment may be due to his reluctance to “betray” his mother – and he adopts a cold tone towards both his father and his new girlfriend. What to do? Be as calm and friendly as possible – both with the child and with the husband, who is probably tormented by guilt.