Psychologists advise not to try to stop communicating with a stranger as soon as possible – perhaps after talking a little longer, you will find a new friend.
People tend to underestimate the pleasure they get from talking with a previously unfamiliar person, psychologists from Northwestern University (USA) found out. If you’re always trying to cut the conversation short, you’re making a mistake—not only are you missing out on a chance to enjoy the conversation, but you’re also missing out on a potential new friend, write the authors in their article published in .
The researchers drew their conclusions based on the results of five laboratory experiments, in which a total of more than a thousand volunteers took part. These people have talked to each other almost a thousand times face to face or via video link.
So, during one of the experiments, people who did not know each other had to talk in pairs for several minutes, and then evaluate the degree of pleasure received from the conversation. And also to predict how pleasant further communication with this partner will be.
It turned out that even if the participants liked the first conversation, they usually greatly underestimated the pleasure of continuing to communicate.
As a rule, further conversations turned out to be very pleasant for both partners. As the researchers found out, the whole point is that at first people simply do not realize that they have something to talk about with a new acquaintance, that they have a lot in common with the interlocutor.
Another experiment showed that people are afraid to quickly get tired of long communication and therefore try to stop it as soon as possible. However, in reality, fatigue occurs much later than we imagine.
In another experiment, participants were asked to indicate how long a conversation with a stranger should last in order to remain pleasant and unobtrusive. As a result, many made the mistake of deciding that a few minutes would be enough for them. Those who were allowed to continue talking for 25 minutes enjoyed the conversation more than others who only talked for a preselected time.
“People tend to make incorrect predictions about how a conversation will develop and, as a result, tend to avoid longer interactions that can lead to close relationships,” the researchers conclude.