So, the situation: the child is ready to start a scandal. The reason doesn’t matter – the doll’s arm fell off, it’s time to go to bed, homework doesn’t work, or you just don’t want to do what you ask.
What to do?
Way one: ASK THE CHILD A QUESTION ABOUT THE VALUE OF THE PROBLEM.
Namely, we look the child in the eye and ask one question in a calm voice: Is this a big problem, a medium problem, or a small problem? When my daughter began to think about what was happening to her, it worked on her in a magical way, at least here at home. I ask this question, she answers, and we find a way to solve the problem, and the daughter herself suggests where to look for a solution.
- A small problem is usually the quickest and easiest.
- Some problems she considers «average». Most likely we will solve them, but not at the same second — it helps to understand that there are things that take time.
- If the problem is serious — and what your child considers important cannot be ignored, no matter how stupid it seems to you — this problem will need to be given a little more time.
Here is a recent case where this method worked great. We were choosing clothes for school, and Alice is usually very worried about what to wear, especially when it’s cool outside. In short, she wanted to wear her favorite pants, but they were in the wash. She was already starting to grunt when I asked, «Alice, is this a big, medium, or small problem?» She looked at me and said softly, «Little.»
We already knew that small problems are easy to solve. I asked her to suggest a solution (I knew she needed time to think), and she said: «Choose other pants.» I say, «And you have a few pants to choose from.» She smiled and went to pick up other pants. I congratulated her on the fact that she was able to solve the problem herself, because it is very important to praise the child for coping with it, this will put an end to the situation.
Method two: ASK A CHILD A QUESTION ABOUT THE MEANING OF HIS SCREAM AND DEMAND IT TO BE REMOVED.
Kate is a very smart girl. At the age of 10, she honed her “hysterical” skill perfectly. And once again, watching this picture, and my daughter turned out to be the culprit, I intervened in the upbringing process:
- Katya, STOP! Why are you screaming? What is the purpose?
- Why is Maya taking my things?!
- We understand that you don’t like it. Why are you screaming?
- She shouldn’t take my things!
- There is no point in screaming for this. Just tell her. You’re squealing over nothing like you’ve been attacked by bandits. — Then I turn on a very strict and decisive tone — So this is: if you do not hear your mother, then I do not allow you to scream. Any questions now you decide only a calm conversation. Understandably?
- Yes.
Next, I positively reinforced her desire to respond calmly. And in some magical way, the next 2 days of being together passed in relative silence.