School is good, but home is better?

Family education in Russia is already a quarter of a century old. When, in the early 90s, parents had the opportunity to choose the form of education for their child, it was symbolic: the state gave citizens the right to decide for themselves what is good for them and their children. Since then, entire communities of “family people” have grown up in Russia: those who have gone through this themselves help others. There are clubs for parents of homeschoolers (children who study at home) in every million-plus city, and thematic groups on social networks have tens of thousands of subscribers.

However, in the decision to take the child out of school, many see something suspicious, if not sectarian. There are even more of those who look at the idea with skepticism: is it possible to give knowledge at home better than professionals do it? Will the child grow up infantile, capricious, «wild»? Why, after all, do you need so much fuss, if the nearest secondary school is within easy reach, and the reviews about it are not bad?

Practice at your own pace

If you start to understand, it becomes clear that there is nothing “alien” in education outside the school. Just look at the outstanding athletes and actors — those who could not go to classes on a par with everyone who needed an individual program.

Homeschoolers include tennis player Maria Sharapova, actors Elijah Wood, Emma Watson and Ryan Gosling. The latter changed the desk to a desk in his bedroom, because he simply did not get along at school: he could not sit still, he always violated discipline, and relations with classmates did not work out. The boy was even diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. As a result, his mother took up his education. According to the actor, this gave him «a sense of independence that has never left him since.»

According to the observations of family education consultant Olga Golovanova, parents most often withdraw their children from school after a bad experience, when they realize that something is going wrong. “Many people see that the child has been unlearned for six or seven years, but cannot show any special knowledge in any subject,” she says. — In elementary school, as a rule, everything goes smoothly if you are lucky with the teacher. And then the program becomes more complicated, and difficulties and stresses begin. The parents are holding their heads.»

Having transferred a child to family education, many breathe a sigh of relief: there is no need to wake him up at dawn, think about quarter grades, write explanatory notes due to omissions. You can finally focus on the main thing: what and how to learn.

“We strive to ensure that each child is engaged in an individual plan,” says Alexei Semenychev, president of the Association for the Development of Family Education. “With this approach, there is no pressure, there is no pursuit of indicators: children walk a lot, study in circles, go to museums, study and make something themselves.”

Interest, not coercion

The desire to protect the child from overload and create a comfortable environment for him is not the only argument in favor of a «divorce» from the school. Many parents believe that at school the child will not be taught the main thing — to independently set tasks for themselves and solve them, think creatively and act not on orders.

“Each child by nature wants to learn, and the task of the teacher is to kindle this desire, or at least not extinguish it,” Alexey Semenychev continues. — The best way to kill motivation is to show the child that we do not care about his interest, we only expect him to clearly follow the instructions. In family education, on the contrary, we try to teach the child what is interesting to him. If it’s dinosaurs or snails, great. We not only follow interest, but also direct it. There were six circles — there are three left. Everything that is not interesting, sooner or later will disappear by itself.

The point is not only in the classes themselves, but also in the alternation of pauses, the change of activity: a more flexible approach is possible in home schooling. The teacher and artist Alexei Karpov, who taught three of his children in this way, reflects: “How is the school lesson going? Children study, but in parallel they communicate — in fits and starts, between desks. The child has a need for communication, he needs to have adventures, he needs to throw out energy.

When he satiates his thirst, he will more willingly take up classes. For example, my son loved to play the guitar. And God forbid touching him at this moment. But then — yes, he understood that he needed to work out. Due to the fact that I thought about these moments, our study itself went comfortably, optimally.

Parental Responsibility

Taking a child to school is like turning on autopilot and handing over control over his safety, time and development to others for a while. Of course, we keep our finger on the pulse — we look through the diary, take an interest in his successes, go to parent-teacher meetings. But at the same time we know: in the morning he lives by someone else’s rules. Is it good?

“In order to develop, a child must get different experiences, and the family cannot always give it,” says child psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. – At school, he interacts with strangers, learns their requirements, builds models of behavior in difficult situations. For example, it is important to be able to tease. Why? It’s a childish way of getting in touch, a «lice check.»

The child tries to answer in different ways, peeps something from others, and the repertoire of his communication becomes richer. And if there are only close people who are familiar and understandable to him? Of course, there are children’s camps, tourist trips, communication trainings and psychological games … But a parent should think about all this. At least not let the issue of socialization take its course.

“I told the children: when you get into a team, you must build constructive relationships with people,” Alexey Karpov shares his experience. — Even when we went to the certification, we discussed: how to interact with the teacher psychologically. This person may be good or he may be evil. He may treat our way of life badly, try to find flaws. What if he’s just tired?

Each situation for us was an occasion for conversation. And then in life it was very useful for them: everywhere they need people who can adequately communicate, build working relationships.”

Ready to search

The main problem of family education is that there are no clear guidelines. The school offers a contract: «if you follow the rules, you will get a start in life.» In family education, this linearity disappears, and with it the guarantees. But let’s be honest: in today’s world, where knowledge of facts is valued less than the ability to think quickly, these guarantees are worth little.

“I was calm about the amount of knowledge, I tried to reduce the load where possible,” says Alexey Karpov. — And then, when the children were already grown up, I realized that their main advantage turned out to be the ability to learn on their own. And one more thing — to make decisions: are they doing this year on the subject themselves or with my help? Want to study the discipline in depth — or just to pass the certification? Are you going to continue studying at home or will you go back to school? As a result, one of my sons did return: he missed his friends.”

The very logic of learning in the family presupposes sensitivity, the ability to be critical of dogmas, to weigh different options. “The secret is to seek,” says teacher Dima Zitser, author of the book “Freedom from Education” (Peter, 2016). “Family learning can be arranged in dozens of different ways.

Several families can unite, and someone’s dad will be a biology teacher, and someone’s mom will be a math teacher. Or families will find the world’s best (in their opinion) geography teacher. Or you can find a private school where there will be exactly three students in the class and your child will be provided with an individual approach. There would be a desire to search!”

Learning outside of school is not a panacea. While solving some problems, it sometimes creates others. After all, it may not be necessary if the child is more comfortable in school. But it is worth remembering this possibility — at least in order to always keep in mind the «alternate airfield».

“Studying at home is productive. But it’s very sad.»

Polina, 19 years old, student

“In the seventh grade, I began to skip school a lot — I was a difficult teenager, and my father, with whom I then lived, had feuds for any reason. I started studying at the lyceum, and my father did not find a better way than to send me to family education. Practically put under house arrest. I studied with tutors every day, and went to school every quarter to write test papers.

Such training is very productive. We managed to master the program of the eighth grade in a year and catch up with the lost time for the seventh grade. I could ask the teacher any question, get a comprehensive answer and not be afraid that they would laugh at me in the class. I felt responsible to the teacher and to the parents who paid money for this.

Then I moved in with my mother and went back to school. But that year spent at home made me very sad. I remember how bad I felt on September 1: instead of meeting with friends, I sat and leafed through their photos on Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia) … It seems to me that the decision to study at home should be voluntary. And I would never tear my child out of society. Because while you are in school, friends are classmates. And when you are alone and look at them through social networks, it seems that life is passing by. Nothing can replace live communication for me.

“My parents were afraid that I would be spoiled by the school environment”

Maria, 20 years old, student

“Sleep as much as you want, study as much as you want” — I, a six-year-old, really liked this mother’s argument in favor of family education. In fact, the reason is different: there were no good schools nearby, and my parents were afraid that the environment would spoil me.

Mom taught me herself. She is a programmer, she approached the matter very responsibly. We practiced clearly according to the regimen: exercises, breakfast, lesson, walk, second lesson. The fact that we went through effortlessly, walking in the park, for two months, schoolchildren learned for two years. And that really spurred me on: I can! I’m ahead of the rest! And there were many circles — aikido, clay modeling, flute, boxing. Didn’t have to be bored.

In high school, I was on my own. I analyzed a new topic from the textbook, and if there were questions, I looked at the teachers’ explanations on the InternetUrok website and understood everything. The atmosphere of the «booth», however, was sometimes not enough. I visited school holidays, was friends with classmates, but then our interests somehow diverged. I came to class — and there they only talked about heels and cosmetics. And I was already happy that I didn’t have to see each other every day.

I found friends on the Internet, they live in different cities — St. Petersburg, Lipetsk, Orel, Minsk … Sometimes we come to visit each other. I will definitely teach my child at home for the first years. But in middle school, I’ll give him a choice.»

“Grades no longer made me emotional”

Alexey, 22 years old, actor, photographer

“I switched to homeschooling in the middle of seventh grade. Claims against the school have accumulated — both in terms of the curriculum and in terms of the number of students. The conflict with classmates was the last straw. My parents suggested that I try to study on my own. Twice a week I went to the Igor Chapkovsky Family Education Center. The teachers communicated with us on an equal footing, did not intimidate us with deuces, they helped.

I learned to allocate free time to what I considered necessary. My parents were afraid that I would «blame». And indeed, at first I showed carelessness. He refused to repeat what he had already learned in school. But one day a history teacher said, “Imagine how many times I repeat this and each time I find something new.” It hooked me, and I went through the topic again.

It was a turning point: I realized how much more interesting it is to study for myself, and not for teachers. At school, I hated grades, but here they did not cause any emotions. They were just a signal that more work needed to be done. I learned how to extract information that will be useful in life.

They often say: “And who are you friends with if you are sitting at home?” Of course, I did not sit at home, I had circles, rehearsals in the theater, where I communicated with people of different ages, habits, and views. And I don’t have a fear of the adult world for a long time. ”

“I knew what I wanted to do in the future”

Larisa, 22 years old

“Until the third grade, I studied at a regular school, in the lyceum class. Teachers set us up for the highest results and constantly said: “You must be the best!” It caused me a lot of stress. I already studied for only fives, but even the rare fours of some teachers categorically did not suit me. At the same time, I studied at an art school, and it was difficult to combine it with general education.

In the middle of the third grade, my parents transferred me to family education. I came to a regular school to write tests and pass the topics covered. I was given textbooks and materials, and then I sat and figured everything out myself. I turned to the teachers if I had any questions — they were always ready to help.

Of course, I practically did not intersect with classmates, each of us lived according to his own schedule. But I had enough communication in art school.

My parents gave me complete freedom, and I managed my own time. The results were more than good — I graduated from school with an excellent certificate. The only difficulty I can think of is the period of preparation for the exam. After all, I didn’t have contact with my classmates, and I had to find out everything from my friends from the art school. It wasn’t very convenient.

Personally, this format of training suited me. From an early age I was directed towards one profession and studied in depth in subjects that were important to me.

I don’t think that studying at home hinders the development of communication skills. Although, in my opinion, those who graduated from a regular school find it a little easier to build relationships with people. But this does not bother me in any way, because I connected my life with computer design, and this work does not require much communication.