American pediatricians are sounding the alarm: the state of mind of children and adolescents causes serious concern, and the situation has only worsened during the pandemic. What should we adults do about this?
In the US, pediatricians and child psychologists are talking about nothing less than a national emergency: Suicide rates among teens and young adults aged 10 to 24 have risen steadily from 2010 to 2020, and in 2018 became the second leading cause of death in that year. age group. And although there are no exact data characterizing the situation in Russia, it can be assumed that this problem concerns us too.
On the one hand, parents often do not allow the thought that their children are thinking about how to harm themselves, but on the other hand, this trouble can knock on any house.
Does it apply to everyone?
“Today there is a lot of talk about the appearance of suicidal thoughts in children and adolescents, but what does this really mean? There are a lot of options: some children just think about what would be better if they didn’t exist at all, others start planning a suicide attempt, explains Steven Myers, professor of biology at Roosevelt University. “Most of the time, thoughts remain thoughts, but you can never be sure of that.”
Children are rarely recognized by adults in general and parents in particular in such thoughts and fantasies, so it is difficult for specialists to determine the scale of the disaster. And yet, unfortunately, we can already say that more and more children want to harm themselves or even take their own lives: the number of such attempts is growing, especially during a pandemic.
Fearful thoughts occur in 2-10% of children aged 9 to 10 years
“Our goal is not to scare parents at all, but to let them know that the threat is real, and such sentiments are becoming epidemic,” Myers emphasizes. “Unfortunately, most are sure that this will not happen in their family.”
When it comes to child suicide, most of us think of teenagers and young adults, but various studies show that 2-10% of children aged 9 to 10 have such thoughts, and even a five-year-old child may attempt.
Therefore, parents should take such thoughts of their children seriously, including if the child does not talk about it, but, for example, writes or draws pictures on this topic. In addition, it is necessary to pay attention to signs such as problems with eating and sleeping, as well as the fact that the child isolates himself from others and speaks of a state of hopelessness.
Difficult but necessary conversation
“It’s not easy to imagine that your child might want to take his own life, and to start a conversation with him on this topic is even more difficult,” says Myers. “That’s why it’s so important to talk to your kids regularly, share your feelings with them, and invite them to do the same—in a trusting and relaxed environment. If your family members get into the habit of it, you will be able to recognize the warning signals faster.”
And, of course, you need to speak with the child in his language, taking into account his age and level of development. “You can start by talking about “negative” feelings and moods and teach the child to deal with them correctly – not to suppress or hide, but to express and seek a solution to the problem that caused them. Slowly, you can carefully approach a disturbing topic – do not talk about suicide directly, but, for example, ask if it happens that the child is ready to give up, that his hands drop.
No matter how difficult the conversation is, it is important to start it
And if the mere thought of such conversations makes you uneasy, if you are overwhelmed by horror, know that you are not alone. It is painful and difficult to realize that the child is having a hard time, that he cannot cope, just like admitting that we are bad parents and have missed something.
“But the life and health of the child is above all,” recalls Myers. So, no matter how difficult the conversation is, it is important to start it. And please do not think that in this way you will “throw the child with the idea” of suicide. This is not true. Such conversations are the only way to understand in time that something is going wrong, and if necessary, immediately seek help from a specialist.”
And he must solve the problem. Yes, parents can and should support their children and be the first to notice signs that their child is not okay, but most of us simply do not have the education, experience, or competencies to help a person with psychological problems, even – and especially – if this is our child.
Asking for help is normal and natural. Moreover, this is the only way to prevent trouble.
If you are a child or teenager, you find yourself in a difficult life situation, you are in pain, feel bad or unbearable, please call : 8-800-2000-122. The call is free and anonymous.