Is it necessary to sacrifice yourself for the sake of children? From people who left Russia in the late 70s, one could often hear: «Nothing good will happen in our life, we are just saving children.» Then I saw many of these «saved.» They usually do not speak Russian. At the same time, their parents most often did not advance in English further than “How much?”. And why, if life is over.
As a result, generations do not have a common language. Parents sacrificed themselves, but the children did not appreciate this sacrifice and consider their parents losers.
Another situation. The Russian film director sent his son to study in England. The boy was lonely and asked to come back. The father also missed his son, but nevertheless insisted that he complete his education. The boy graduated from high school and entered Oxford, where he was treated politely, but not accepted into any of the prestigious student organizations. He eventually took a job as a bank clerk in London. He does not want to return to Russia, relations with his father are tense.
What do these two examples have in common? It seems to me that in both cases the parents tried to solve their problems at the expense of their children. It sometimes seems to them, dissatisfied with their achievements, that if children are placed in ideal (from the point of view of their parents) conditions, children will succeed in everything that they themselves have not succeeded in. The fact that the child begins to look like a XNUMX%, say, American, makes mom and dad feel proud: look, our varmint talks like a foreigner. These parents forget that a child would rather spend time with them in a hut than in Buckingham Palace with strangers.
Children need parents, that’s understandable. But they also need parents who they can be proud of. And for this, parents should be proud of themselves. It’s a value system issue. Suppose father and mother inspire a child that the value of a person is determined by the cost of the car he drives. Here, the disappointment in the parents is laid down by the rating scale itself: there will always be someone with a more expensive car.
If we value ourselves and trust our tastes, the child will appreciate them too.
A happy family is one that has its own scale of values, not borrowed from advertising or magazine articles. In such a family, children willingly adopt the tastes and interests of their parents. If you love, say, a movie with Faina Ranevskaya, and buy your child the cartoon «Forest Fellowship», which you can’t stand, the conflict is guaranteed. But if you value yourself and trust your tastes, your child will also appreciate you and your tastes. And you will laugh together at your favorite comedies — no matter what years.