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This small word carries a lot of weight, but it is not easy to say it to someone who depends on the opinions of other people. Yet denying others (and sometimes yourself) is a life skill. Moreover, having said “no” to what your soul does not accept, we simultaneously say “yes” to other, better moments, we open the doors to possibilities.
When you think about how to say no, you will discover a surprising thing. When you do it calmly, people understand you. They respect your honesty and accept that this is the reality at the moment. And very often this is soon followed by “yes”, just when it is needed.
1. When your gut protests
You need to go to friends for a party, you were invited, but your “ex” will be there, and the last thing you would like to see is him. You know that you will spend the next morning in a bad mood.
It’s good to step out of your comfort zone from time to time, but that’s not the case. Your pulse is already quickening and your heart aches at the very thought of the upcoming meeting. Force yourself to go somewhere where you’ll be stressed all evening? Have pity on yourself and explain to your friends that you will come to congratulate them in a few days. Real friends won’t even ask you why.
2. When you have no idea how to make time for it
And this is about how to say “no” to yourself. Sometimes we literally “wear” the stamp of employment on ourselves as a badge of honor. Even if professional success or, let’s be realistic, the opportunity to bring a little more money to the family is most important for you, you can’t deprive yourself of sleep, don’t go on vacation and live for years in the rhythm of “arrived from work” – “fell asleep” – “woke up” – “ left for work.” Include a mandatory item in your life: time to connect with your family and minutes to be in silence alone with yourself.
3. When you say yes just to please someone.
As Bertrand Russell (philosopher and mathematician who won the Nobel Prize in Literature) said, “Sadly enough, people only agree with what they are essentially not interested in.” In English there is even a special word for this – people pleasers, “pleasers of people.” Such people often say “yes” without even thinking – what is important for them in this situation? Remember that self-care and selfishness are by no means synonymous. Or listen to Winston Churchill, who said: “He who agrees with everyone, no one agrees with that.”
Read more:
- Low self-esteem: how to improve it?
How to say “no”: rehearsal before the premiere
To make it easier for you to do this the first time, do not choose words, but use homemade preparations. Read these phrases aloud, imagine in what situation they are appropriate.
But that’s not all. Now the most important thing is intonation. Not harsh and not apologetic. Not interrogative. And exactly the same as when you calmly say “yes”. “Will you have tea?” – “Yes”. – “With sugar?” – “No thanks”.
This is how your “no” should now sound:
- “No thanks”.
- “No, It is Immpossible”.
- “Unfortunately, I can’t help you, but I can give you the phone number of another specialist.”
- “No, thank you.”
A special art is to say “no” so as not to offend a person. The best option is to thank and offer an alternative.
- “Thank you mommy, you are a culinary genius. But I’m not hungry right now, can we just have some tea?”
- “Very interesting, but, unfortunately, I have to refuse. I have other plans”.
- “Now it doesn’t work. How would you feel if I came to you on Tuesday after work?
- “I am very interested in your offer. May I call you at the beginning of the week in the morning?”
4. When you are very tired
Admitting it is not a sign of weakness. If you have an appointment for tonight, and you only have the strength to get to your own bed, feel free to call back and ask to be moved. Be for quality communication!
5. When you’re not interested at all
Life is too short to waste your energy on those events that (by and large) do not respond to either your body or soul. It’s tempting when there is not a single free evening in your schedule and all weekends are booked for a month in advance. But as soon as it ceases to please you, make adjustments to the schedule. The signal will be the thought “Again I have to go there; I don’t want to, but I have to.” If you say the same about your work, do not repeat these words like a habitual mantra and do not try on the halo of a martyr. Little by little, look for opportunities and ways to find, at least as a part-time job, something that inspires you.
Don’t be afraid to say no because
“Right words are not graceful. Beautiful words are not trustworthy. Kind is not eloquent. The eloquent cannot be kind. He who knows does not prove, he who proves does not know. (Lao Tzu)
6. When the hell you just want to say no
Ultimately, this is your life. Make the choices that make her better. If this means giving up something that definitely doesn’t fit your idea of goodness, say “no” calmly and confidently. Because by saying “no” to the circumstances that you do not want to see in your life, you are saying “yes” to yourself.