We are told that it is harmful to surround ourselves with people who are trying to kill dreams, to listen to those who say that we will not succeed. Writer Jessica Wildfire disagrees. She is sure that these people inspire and help to achieve goals no less than friends and allies.
Most people thank those they love for their achievements: friends, mentors, colleagues. And what about those who were sure that nothing good would come of you? I think they deserve thanks too. Of course, we need support and approval, but we also need those who do not believe in us. We put in a lot of effort to prove that they were wrong, and we achieve our goal. Yes, they did not plan to help us, but in the end they helped.
The first such person in my life was Miss Grim, a kindergarten teacher. She told my parents that when I grew up I would be a stripper or worse. Then there was the professor, who, barely skimming through my story, rolled his eyes in annoyance. Another teacher interrupted me mid-sentence when I was trying to thank him for the book and for the inspiration it gave me. “Actually, I’m busy,” he said, glancing at his watch, turning away and ordering another cocktail (it was in the hotel bar).
I will not forget the supervisor who accused me of plagiarism and did not write a letter of recommendation, and the reviewer lady who said that I had no chance of finding a job (she was wrong). And all the important people who couldn’t remember my name.
The person to whom we want to prove that we are capable of something will find a way to belittle our dignity.
All good things happen to us because of others. We don’t achieve anything alone. Even if you are sure otherwise, most likely a dozen people or more deserve thanks. But we also owe our success to those who put a spoke in the wheel, they make the goal even more desirable.
It seems to me that such an attitude towards critics and skeptics is more useful. This is better than drowning in doubt, taking everything to heart and giving up ahead of time, blindly believing opponents. A classmate once had a nervous breakdown due to the fault of an overly strict professor. In fact, he was strict with everyone and often unfair. He made it clear that those in whom he did not see potential did not deserve his attention. “I’m not here to inspire you,” he said. He preferred to work with those who managed to prove themselves well. Encouraging speeches and well-meaning strictness were not his forte.
For many, this style of teaching did not suit them, they lost motivation and began to seek love and approval from other teachers. And when they found it, they told who praised them and for what. But they deceived themselves, and today most of them do not have jobs.
The older generation likes to criticize millennials, considering them weak and pampered. The best of us understand that you can’t stay in your comfort zone forever. We are looking for challenging tasks and are not afraid of adversity. But they are also not prone to self-flagellation. You need the right combination of both, balance. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
We like the idea that the enemy will know about our success, even if in reality this does not happen. I’d like to do a striptease in front of Miss Grim and then wave my diploma in front of my nose. But, most likely, she simply does not remember me. It would take a long time to explain who I am and what it all means, and someone would probably call the police. Most likely, over the years she managed to inform hundreds of children that a panel or prison awaits them. The question is what lesson did they learn from this.
Whatever we really achieve, the person to whom we want to prove that we are capable of something will find a way to belittle our dignity. Not scary. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of us, what matters is what he did for us. He inspired us, although he did it in his own way. This is how it should be taken.
Personally, I know only one person who deliberately tried to deprive others of inspiration. The professor, the author of a dozen books, was put on a pedestal during his lifetime. “Most of you have no future,” he told us every week. “But don’t worry, I hear the diner around the corner needs waiters.” We hated him.
Let’s be honest, there’s a part of us that yearns to be underestimated.
A year later, I ran into him in the library. The meeting shocked me. He didn’t smile, but he wasn’t rude either. “Saw your story in a magazine,” he said. There was a pause. — Actually, I even read it to the end. Usually they print nonsense, but I remember your story. The words sunk into my soul, they were more pleasant than any praise and flattering reviews.
We strive for happiness, for our work to be approved and for our friends to surround us. I’m not sure this is the only thing we need. Even when everything is good, we find something to complain about or create problems. In fact, we need conflicts, this is part of our program. Maybe it’s time to admit it?
Of course, you shouldn’t create unnecessary difficulties for yourself, but you don’t need to be afraid of those that may arise naturally. In any case, they will be useful. Let’s be honest: some part of us yearns to be underestimated. We need an opportunity to surprise arrogant naysayers. Let this be your source of motivation. If the chance to dance a striptease in front of the teacher does not present itself, the game is still worth the candle.
Source: medium.com