When relationships are coming apart, it seems like the only way out is to slam the door and walk out into the night. Everything has been tried – and conversations, and scandals, and compromises. You have already decided that people do not change. But do not cut off the shoulder. Try these methods, and perhaps a miracle will happen.
Joint life is not always cloudless. There are crises, quarrels, misunderstandings. Sometimes hands down, but do not despair. Even if you don’t know what else to do, try these three techniques, and perhaps they will help make the relationship deeper and warmer than before.
1. Keep each other warm
Do something nice for each other? Give gifts? Arrange romantic evenings? Perhaps you have already spent about half your life trying to become good and comfortable. And you finally got tired of it. There is no longer any desire to please, understand, listen.
It’s hard to stop criticizing and making endless claims, especially when you already have a huge list of them. However, becoming kinder and softer is quite possible, although difficult.
Why should you put yourself in the position of a partner, even when he behaves disgustingly? The benefit and meaning is not at all in turning a blind eye to problems. On the contrary, kindness, respect and generosity help to speak sincerely and openly about difficulties, and then solve them.
2. Respect differences
Joint life implies respect for the characteristics of each of the partners. However, it is difficult to truly realize that a loved one may have a different truth. We are all sure that we know the truth that we (and only we!) live right and the world will be a better place if everyone does the same.
But in order to live happily ever after with someone, you have to realize that our differences do not mean at all that one is right and the other is wrong. It’s just that everyone has their own view of the situation. We all see reality through different filters, we perceive life taking into account social position, cultural characteristics, education, genetic factors, family history and psychological trauma.
In addition, we are used to dealing with anxiety and stress in different ways. One likes to communicate, the other needs solitude. One finds solace in sports, the other in sad music.
Respecting differences is not the same as allowing a partner to humiliate and limit us. This means that you will try to understand his truth, to acknowledge that he thinks and feels differently. And don’t try to change it.
3. Don’t choke
Imagine that you are the soul of the company, and your partner is withdrawn, silent, does not like to speak loudly and does not like to talk at all. You have some serious battles about this. And this despite the fact that once, even before marriage, it was precisely these features in him that attracted you.
What you fell in love with and what pisses you off now are different sides of the same coin. After all, our shortcomings are extensions of our virtues.
Endless discussions of problems are not the only way to get closer. Psychologist Carol Tavris recalls: “A few years ago my husband had a blood test and was worried about the results, and before we went to the hospital we decided to have dinner with his best friend.
I thought that my husband would tell him about his fears, but everything turned out wrong. They did not discuss tests, diseases, anxiety. We laughed, remembered funny stories, discussed films. They didn’t have to show fear in order to feel the support and participation of another.”
Accept the fact that you and your partner have different ways of calming down, supporting yourself in different ways. It will be easier for you to connect with your partner if you keep in mind that communication in marriage and the expression of love can take different forms. The partner does not like to chat, well, don’t pester him, it’s better to hug him.
Try putting these three tips into practice. Remember that sometimes we get too attached to rituals that no longer work. Therefore, try to look at relationships, including through the eyes of another, respect his opinion and his ways of interacting with the world, and then, perhaps, it will be easier for you to face difficulties together.