Safe sex: it is for our health, it is not forced and we enjoy it

Safe sex for most of us is associated with protection against unwanted pregnancy and prevention of STDs. However, sex specialists argue that it is not enough to use a condom to feel safe in bed.

1. 19 percent sexually active Poles do not use any form of contraception. This group does not include people trying to conceive or living permanently with one partner. Experts confirm that the fear of pregnancy is one of the main fears, especially among very young people. However, fear does not translate into searching for knowledge about contraception.
2. Contraception is also intended to protect us against sexually transmitted diseases, which in recent years have experienced a real renaissance throughout Europe. More and more is said about infections among seniors who continue to have sex but believe that since they do not need to protect themselves from pregnancy, contraception is not for them
3. Safe sex is also one that happens on our terms and with our consent. Happy, unforced. – The only proper consent to sex is the cry of “yes, I want it, don’t stop.” This is called the enthusiastic consent theory, explains Joanna Keszka, creative sex trainer
4. An important element is also the knowledge of your body and your own needs, without it it is difficult to get pleasure and pleasure. “If he was fine and you didn’t hurt, that’s enough” – many women hear this message, which completely discourages from any sexual search – argues Keszka
5. You can find more up-to-date information on the coronavirus on the Onet homepage

Safe sex is one that serves our physical and mental health, leads to well-being at various levels of life – says psychiatrist and sexologist, Dr. Maciej Klimarczyk, MD, PhD. As she emphasizes, in the summer, young people have more opportunities to have sex and they also decide to have their first time more often, which is why it is a good time for sex education. It is worth talking about what is the most important and neglected in sex.

1. ARTICLE FROM A SPECIAL EDITION: NEWSWEEK ABOUT SEX 3/2020

Contraception: I don’t know, I’m ashamed to ask

For years, gynecologists have pointed out that young people know the least about methods of preventing unwanted pregnancy. The lack of real education means that teenagers start their sex life with great ignorance, so sex is burdened with fear and fear of negative consequences for them from the beginning.

– Young patients often talk in the office about fear of pregnancy, which sometimes has a very negative impact on the approach to sex and its quality – explains Dr. Klimarczyk. – As a sexologist psychiatrist, I do not choose contraception for patients, I refer them to a gynecologist, but I always talk about the health and life consequences of sexual intercourse. During such conversations, I ask them what their worldview and approach to sex are and whether they are aware of what safe sex is all about. Recently, it has been heard a lot in public space that sexual health professionals are persuading adolescents to have sex or promoting specific behaviors. This is bullshit. First of all, we listen to patients and with respect to their worldview, we help solve their problems and educate. Sometimes young people find that it is impossible to get pregnant during the first intercourse, or that intermittent intercourse is a form of natural contraception. Then they should be told what contraception is and what its limitations are. They want and need this knowledge. We should talk about contraception: matter-of-fact, neutral and loud – argues Dr. Maciej Klimarczyk.

The gaps in education are also visible in the statistics. As much as 19 percent sexually active Poles do not use any security measures – according to the National Health Test of Poles 2020, an online study that covers a group of over 400 people. Poles were moved in February and March this year. MedTvoiLokony service. Importantly, this group does not include people who have constant intercourse with one partner or couples trying to conceive a child. Why do so many people risk unprotected sex? As the sexologist explains, it results from a lack of knowledge, sometimes from irresponsibility and not being aware of the consequences of sexual intercourse.

– People, especially young people, first succumb to lust and then think – says the sexologist. – An additional factor is that in our country sex education and contraception are turned into a demon. If you were to talk to every teenager about sex and its consequences, I think the statistics would look better, ‘he adds.

1. Physical proximity is the best weapon against stress. But Poles have a problem with desire

When asked about the type and frequency of collateral used, 19 percent. of the respondents replied that they use a condom during each intercourse. 14% that they always use a different security method. Others use contraception occasionally or not at all.

The sad conclusions from the National Health Test of Poles 2020 are also confirmed by other statistics. The “Zdrowa ONA” survey, conducted in 2019 by the SW Research agency, shows that more than half of all Polish women do not use contraception at all. We are also terrible in research on the awareness of methods of preventing pregnancy. In 2019, Poland came last in the Contraception Atlas survey, which checks and assesses the policies of European governments in the field of access to contraceptives, family planning and sharing information on the above.

Venereal diseases: doctor, I’m going to the sanatorium

Unprotected sex also has the other side: sexually transmitted diseases, the return of which in recent years medicine has been noted in Poland and all over Europe.

The number of cases of syphilis is the fastest – over the last decade in Europe it has increased by as much as 70%, which makes it the fastest-spreading infectious disease in the Old Continent. In Poland, it is currently the most frequently detected sexually transmitted infection. According to the data of the National Institute of Public Health – National Institute of Hygiene, there are more and more infected people in Poland each year. In 2019, a total of 1642 cases of syphilis and 556 cases of gonorrhea were recorded. A year earlier, there were 1445 and 332 cases, respectively.

1. The most common venereal diseases. This is how unprotected sex can end

As Dr. Klimarczyk argues, the lack of knowledge about safe sex harms the body and psyche. – I have patients who had some risky sexual contact, for example on vacation they went “all the way” and did not start thinking until the next day. Sometimes they have such a strong fear of contracting an STD that they need to take a sedative for a while. Stress only releases when it turns out that they are healthy. Unfortunately, not everyone will come out healthy from such a night. A particularly dangerous tendency, recently fashionable among young people, is the so-called chemsex, or sex under the influence of intoxicants. In such cases, they often release all brakes, which further increases the risk to your health. Here the trauma is sometimes twofold: apart from the fear of contracting a venereal disease, some people, after sobering up, feel that they have been sexually abused.

However, risky sexual behavior is not only the domain of young and inexperienced people. The number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases among seniors has been increasing for several years. Reason? We live longer and longer, we manage to maintain good health and sexual performance for longer. A man who loses sexual performance due to age or accompanying diseases is helped by pharmacology, which strengthens potency. And thus a greater desire for sex and greater daring in making contacts. This trend was also confirmed by the 2020 National Health Test of Poles, in which it turned out that 56 percent. seniors over 65 are still sexually active.

– In my office, I meet men who come for erectile dysfunction drugs and who say to me: “I’m going to a sanatorium.” And they smile mischievously. And it’s very good that they enjoy sex, but they also need to think about having safe sex. Just because an older woman won’t get pregnant anymore doesn’t mean she can’t be infected with syphilis, gonorrhea, or HIV. There is still an erroneous stereotype among seniors: if we do not have to be afraid of unwanted pregnancy, we are not afraid of anything in bed. It’s an error!

1. I advise my patients: have sex, please! Preferably for a lifetime.

Permission to Sex: Yes, I want it, don’t stop!

When asked about safe sex, the sex educator Joanna Keszka replies without hesitation: sex that is not forced is safe. Only a situation where neither side gets hurt is healthy and good. When people have sex that they both want and feel good about.

– If a woman is treated as a game that the other side wants to persuade to have sex through requests, persuasion, manipulation, embarrassment, intimidation, we are dealing with sexual violence – argues Keszka.

Unwanted sex is a huge problem in Poland. According to the comprehensive report on sexual violence “Break the taboo”, which was published by the Ster Foundation in 2016, 87,6 percent of of women have experienced sexual harassment at least once in their lives, and 20% – rape. 90 percent victims of sexual violence do not report this fact to the police. These data are confirmed by Dr. Maciej Klimarczyk.

1. Women get beautiful after sex. The skin becomes younger and the body cleanses itself

– The most common sexual problem I am approached with by patients (although they are usually female patients) is sexual harassment. – Usually it looks like a woman who is 30 or 40 years old with depression comes to me. We talk about it and usually during the second or third visit she says: I still have a problem that I have not told anyone about, but it seems important to me. I was molested by my uncle or my cousin. Usually it turns out right away that this event has not been reported anywhere, maybe my mother knew about it, but she told her to keep quiet or she did not believe her daughter. Child molesters often have problems with closeness, openness and the joy of sex. Even if they are in a relationship, sex is often a duty, compulsion, nothing nice for them – explains Dr. Klimarczyk.

– I will not forget how once a patient told me about an uncle who molested her for many years, but at the same time she had to sit with him at the same table on every Christmas Eve. It was the worst experience in her life – recalls the psychiatrist.

Why are so many women victims of sexual violence? Again, the lack of sexual education is bowing. Women are not taught to put limits or learn about their needs. We are not used to speaking freely about sex, we have trouble speaking the names of organs freely. If we already name them, we use the language of the medina, and most often – the language of the street.

– Sex in the public forum is spoken in the church language – says Joanna Keszka. Girls are spoken of about purity and modesty, and boys are spoken of about natural male needs, the power of nature that must be satisfied. It is the girl who is responsible for protecting herself from the natural male sexual need. A man hunts, tempts, seeks and takes advantage of opportunities, but the woman is required to remain vigilant at all times, not to be exploited or raped – she explains.

Both experts agree that many women experience male persuasion to have sex, insistence, pleading, endless proposition that women themselves eventually succumb to. Usually they do it out of fear that he will go to another, that he will think badly of her, that he will be offended.

– The only proper consent to sex is the cry of “yes, I want it, don’t stop.” This is called the enthusiastic consent theory, explains Joanna Keszka.

Statistics on sexual violence show one more important thing: up to 80% of of victims know the perpetrator of the rape. – Sex is often used to intimidate women – explains Joanna Keszka.

– Please note how much information in the media is directed at women, what to do to avoid rape: do not walk in the dark, watch a drink, take a self-defense course. At first glance, this information seems helpful and meaningful. But when you think about it, they’re all aimed at women. As if it was up to us whether we would be raped or not, as if we had an influence on the perpetrator’s behavior. It is always the rapist who is guilty of rape. And just the fact that he stops raping increases the safety of girls and women. In 80 percent. in cases of sexual violence, the victim knows the perpetrator: it is the boy, husband, cousin, friend, and still about the perpetrator, who is known, is said too little and too rarely points with his fingers, shifting the blame onto the woman with the text: “to herself” or “stupid” what she was thinking. What was he thinking when he raped?

1. “I will not go any more, because I will hear that I am letting go”. What do Polish women hear from gynecologists?

Pleasure: if he was fine and she didn’t hurt, there’s nothing to complain about

Once we talk about everything we might fear in sex, there is room for what is most important: having fun, pure pleasure and a sense of security. But we still have a lot of lessons to do in this field.

– I am attended by women who are heartily fed up with the fact that simple mathematics does not agree in bed, i.e. he had an orgasm, and she stayed again only hoping that maybe next time it would be better. At 40, they learn that they do not pee with their vagina, that the urethra is a separate place on the map of our body. Over the years, women have been encouraged not to be interested in their sexuality. The message was that the vagina is something a woman offers to a man. That only men are interested in sex. “If he was fine and you were not in pain, that would be enough,” they said.

Joanna Keszka conducts workshops for women on making friends with your sexuality and erotic games. – In order for us to love and reproduce, we must have the pleasure of sex, and this applies to both women and men. In my workshop, participants discover that orgasm is not a complicated thing, you just need to know your body. They learn that the extra clitoral stimulation during sex gives them a lot of fun. But many women are still reluctant to touch “there” during intercourse, fearing that their partner’s ego will not stand it. They prefer to sacrifice their pleasure so as not to offend him – explains the educator. And he argues that the basic tool to enjoy your body, sex and feel safe is the ability to set your own boundaries and teach both parties that such boundaries should be respected. Talking openly about your needs brings great benefits to both sides. A confident and satisfied woman in bed is the most attractive lover, a man only gains in this situation.

Substantive consultation:

1. dr. n. med. Maciej Klimarczyk, psychiatrist and sexologist. He runs a medical practice in Bydgoszcz and Mogilno. He is the co-author of the books “Clinical neurology in practice – brain homeostasis” and “Chaos in the head – brain and life” and the creator of the YouTube channel, where he deals with the promotion of mental and sexual health
2. Joanna Keszka, creative sex trainer, specialist in the subject of female sexuality, sex educator and erotic script writer. Author of guides and books on sex “I’ve already been polite” and “The power of funny sex”. He runs the Barbarella.pl website as well as workshops and trainings all over Poland

Read also:

1. Eternal virgins: can a woman who does not have sex be happy?
2. «I slept with two colleagues. I’m not proud of it »
3. What to eat to feel like sex? Here is the greatest aphrodisiac

The content of the medTvoiLokony website is intended to improve, not replace, the contact between the Website User and their doctor. The website is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Before following the specialist knowledge, in particular medical advice, contained on our Website, you must consult a doctor. The Administrator does not bear any consequences resulting from the use of information contained on the Website. Do you need a medical consultation or an e-prescription? Go to halodoctor.pl, where you will get online help – quickly, safely and without leaving your home.Now you can use e-consultation also free of charge under the National Health Fund.