I recently had Marie Jo, an American teacher who is a wonderful master of group teaching, visiting me. The first day of the workshop she led for her Moscow colleagues was over, and we were returning home. Success, in my opinion, was undeniable, and she looked … somehow depressed. “Something wrong, Marie Jo?” “I looked at the faces of the teachers… Judging by their expression, it was a complete failure: they didn’t smile at me!”
Non-verbal signals are extremely important for us: facial expressions, facial expressions, gestures provide up to 80% of information about the attitude of one person to another. And it’s amazing how differently we – Russians and Americans – read these signals.
“You don’t smile,” Americans say and begin to interpret: well, of course, you have such a difficult history, a difficult life, naturally, people are depressed, over-anxious, etc.
I don’t think this is always true. Personally, Marie Jo and I decided to conduct a small experiment on reading non-verbal signals: we sat in a Moscow metro car and compared how each of us interprets the facial expressions of people sitting opposite. We turned out to have about 90% of the differences in their understanding!
I saw fatigue, thoughtfulness, detachment – simple human emotions. And Marie Jo read aggression, depression, anxiety, pain in the same faces … It turned out that our measurement systems are very different! And with regard to the Russian people, of course, I trust my own interpretation more.
When I enter the classroom and notice that the children are smiling, I know for sure: they are smiling at me.
What does a man tell me with his smile in Russia? “I’m glad to see you!” In psychological parlance, this is called the “you-message”. This message is about the one I smile at.
For Americans, the meaning of a smile is different: first of all, it carries an “I-message”. The easiest way to explain this is by the example of the obligatory charming smile of the secretary when the boss enters her office. He says are you o’key? And she, smiling dazzlingly, thereby answers: yes, boss, everything is in order with me, I am ready to work, you can rely on me. This is the basic “I-message” of the American smile.
But the “Russian” smile is much less common there. I don’t think it’s bad or good. These are just “translation difficulties” that should be taken into account in cross-cultural communication.
In response to the often asked question “Why do you smile so little?” I, in turn, want to ask: for whom is it not enough? It’s enough for me. Because when I enter the classroom and notice that the children are smiling, I know for sure: they are smiling at me. And American children just smile about something else.