The road to happiness is not strewn with roses, there are many traps along the way. Philosopher Olivia Ghazaleh talks about where we run the risk of «stumble».
«You have everything you need to be happy!» Yes, but the paradox is that the obsessive cult of happiness itself prevents me from being happy: it seems that everyone simply has to be its adherent, otherwise they will look like a loser. «Be happy» — now it is proclaimed as an absolute truth, almost the eleventh commandment, dooming each of us to forced bliss. But are we so sure that happiness, like the daily routine, is only a matter of willpower? Is there some kind of trap here, into which our naive conformism easily leads us?
Suppose happiness is something I can achieve. So, I imagine myself having everything that I dream of: good health, a loyal lover, a decent job, gifted children, reliable friends … well, without five extra pounds.
personal ideal
Composing this idyllic picture in my mind, I have no doubt for a second that all these various elements are compatible with each other. I collect from them a single whole, which is my personal idealized idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbhappiness. But it is precisely the possibility of combining these elements that raises serious doubts. Descartes’ chimera—a creature possessing body parts from various animals—would not stand the test of reality. It could not exist in reality, because its parts cannot be connected to each other — there are not enough joints.
So, the first stumbling block on my path to happiness was the harmony of the whole. I am unable to combine a stormy professional life, health, family hearth and great love. I despair of not being able to match the image of cloudless happiness that day after day the advertising extravaganza with its “eternal euphoria” intrusively brings down on me.
The cruel gaze of another
Let us nevertheless try to assume that, by acting energetically on all fronts, I will be able to reconcile the irreconcilable. Will I be happy then? Will my inner feeling of happiness be enough for me? Will I not need my happiness to be acknowledged and validated by others? Make no mistake: this lucky man, who is dancing around a magnificent creature, is not casting anxious glances around because he is afraid of the sudden appearance of his wife (who has been sleeping at home for a long time); on the contrary, he is afraid that no one will see him in such an enviable position. He is the embodiment of unnatural happiness, which is based on the envy of others: they envy me, therefore, I am happy. But as soon as an even more spectacular beauty appears, our dancer will instantly cease to be happy, since all eyes are now turned to her and her gentleman. The look of another is cruel, it is as insidious and fickle as luck. I look for confirmation of the authenticity of my happiness in it and find nothing in it, except for the unreality of happiness, exclusively for show. This is the second trap I have fallen into in the pursuit of happiness: the confusion of «being» and «appearing.»
Risk of loss
Suppose now that all my desires, including the desire to be the object of admiration, nevertheless came true. Will I finally feel happy? Will I be satisfied with what I «have»? Is the happiness of «being» reducible to «having», to the joy of possession? And what happens if suddenly one of the components of my hard-earned happiness suddenly disappears? What then will remain of my happiness, except for the bitterness of defeat?
Pascal Bruckner writes: “The secret of a successful life is not to think too much about happiness, not to chase after it and accept it without thinking whether it is deserved or not and whether it is good; don’t cling to it and don’t mourn for it. […] In a word, treat it always and everywhere as a secondary thing, since it only comes along with something else” (see “On This”).
What am I waiting for to be happy? Happiness — that’s all.
Try this: What is your happiness?