A playground is a place where one can hear either unrestrained laughter or loud crying. Often, children’s clashes turn into serious parental conflicts. How to behave as an adult so that peace reigns in the sandbox?
Not dividing a toy or a swing, some children with desperate cries run for protection to their mothers and grandmothers, others phlegmatically defend their interests with the help of bites and “shoulder blade” defense. Some mothers, like eagles, are in constant tension – at any moment they are ready to rush to protect their beloved child. Others sit like shadows on the benches, demonstrating complete indifference to the battles taking place on the site.
Woman’s Day asked a psychologist how to deal with situations that most often arise in playgrounds.
Conflicts on the playground are quite common, and our task is to reduce them to nothing. You should be attentive not only to your child, but also to the children around him. Treat other children the way you want your child to be treated.
This is an unpleasant situation. No one is ever allowed to beat and offend other people’s children, especially since it can harm the health of your child. Moreover, the slide is a dangerous place.
Try to contain your anger, but be sure to reprimand the child who pushed the other. Say: “They don’t behave like that on the hill! You need to ride in turns! ” Give your baby maximum attention, hug him, ask how he feels, if it hurts him.
You don’t need to take your child away from the playground and say that his abuser is bad, that you no longer need to play with him. Children’s grievances are short-lived, perhaps it happened by accident. You also need to take into account the age of the other child, maybe he was not told about the rules of behavior.
Do not enter into polemics with another mother – the dispute about the methods of upbringing is meaningless, everyone has their own opinion on this matter. Your task is to support your own child, so that he feels his safety and your support.
Children can react in different ways to such a situation: one child will obediently give, while the other will try to hold or return his toy back, sometimes using force. Kids at this age are not yet able to understand that the toy is not taken away forever, but for a while, so for them it can become a tragedy. Another kid also may not understand why it is impossible to take a toy that he liked (especially if the age of children is up to 2,5-3 years).
If there is a conflict and you see it, you need to intervene. First, you must support your baby by voicing his feelings: “Do you want to play with the toy car yourself and do you want it to stay with you?” You can further explain that the other child liked his toy and invite the children to exchange toys for a while. If the child does not agree, despite all efforts, do not force, because this is his right! You can say to another kid: “Sorry, but Vanechka wants to play with his typewriter himself.” If this does not help, try to captivate them with some other game or separate them in different directions.
In a situation where the mother of another child is nearby and does not interfere with what is happening, ignores, act in the same way, without entering into a dialogue with her. After all, parents are engaged in upbringing, and by your actions you help your child, without violating the rights of someone else.
There are usually many children on the playground and each has their own toys. But the kid can see a toy that he does not have, but he wants to play. So he is trying to get it. Tell your child: “I understand you liked this toy, you want to play with it, but it’s a stranger. Let’s ask permission to play, and then we’ll give it back. “
Thus, you understand, share the feelings of the child and teach him certain rules of behavior and handling other people’s things. Further, in order to calm another baby, you can offer to play with your toy in exchange or return his toy to him. It is necessary to teach the child to respect both his own and someone else’s property.
Sometimes situations occur when your child is offended, thrown with sand. It can be either accidental or on purpose. This happens for various reasons: either the other child does not know how to communicate constructively, or attracts attention to himself and monitors the reaction of others.
Therefore, if you react too violently and emotionally, it can provoke the little bully. Say briefly and clearly: “You can’t do that!” Pay maximum attention to your child, ask if it hurts him, explain that the other kid does not understand that it is not good to throw sand. Suggest a co-op option. Show, for example, that sand can be used to make Easter cakes or machine paths.
Take the child out of the playground if necessary. There is no need to enter into a conflict with the offender’s mother: looking at your restrained and correct behavior, the mother of another child will draw the right conclusions and discuss this situation with her baby.
First of all, you need to ensure the safety of your child. You can tell the offender that you cannot do this (but calmly, do not shout). There is no point in teaching that mother how to raise her child (“Your child is fighting, tell him that you cannot do this,” etc.). A “normal” mother will understand everything and talk to her child anyway. The same one who does not care how her child behaves with other children will not listen to you. Conflict between children can easily turn into conflict between adults. Plus, you will set a bad example for your children.
First, if that mother is cursing, then ask her not to shout, but calmly tell you what happened. If your child is to blame, then tell them that you will understand the situation. Apologize to that mom. It is better to take your child away and talk to him face to face, explain that this should not be done.
If you see that your child is being made guilty in vain, then without raising your voice or getting into arguments, you can answer the other mother like this: “Thank you for your comment, but I do not think that my child is to blame. Leave your critical remarks to yourself! “
The visitors to the playgrounds are different. One way or another, everyone interacts with each other, exchanges phrases, toys, mood. If, at the same time, each mother helps her baby to build good-neighborly relations with other children, she herself, with her reactions, will demonstrate a desire to protect the peaceful fuss in the sandbox, then the playground, no doubt, will turn into a quiet haven where both children and adults are comfortable.