Contents
Alas, family ties do not always imply mutual love and respect. What if communication with some family members only spoils your nerves?
Many of us have been taught since childhood that the family is sacred and that elders should be respected. But if the behavior of another negatively affects your condition, no matter who you are the person, you need to build boundaries with him and defend them.
This is especially true for those who are used to not arguing with others, not to argue and always please. Such behavior harms mental health, and most importantly, does not give others a reason to change their attitude towards you.
1. Remember: “no” is a complete sentence.
If you do not want to agree to offers or invitations and satisfy other people’s requests, because it is unpleasant or burdensome for you, say so. The word “no” is more than enough – you do not have to explain the reasons for your refusal to anyone, even relatives.
2. Set clear boundaries
But first, determine for yourself where they go, what you are ready for and what you are not (you can even make an appropriate list in a notebook or on a smartphone). After that, you need to tell your family members about them.
Of course, misfires can happen at first. You can still agree to do something you don’t want to, or pick up the phone knowing that a completely unbearable relative is calling. Remind yourself how you want to be treated and try again to build boundaries.
3. Stand your ground
If you’ve already set boundaries and said no, don’t change your mind. Don’t let others coax or force you into doing things that you don’t like, feel comfortable with, or don’t want to do by making you feel guilty and ashamed or accusing you of heartlessness and selfishness. It doesn’t matter what your place in the family hierarchy is, those around you must reckon with your position.
4. Avoid unpleasant conversations and situations
And if you still find yourself in such circumstances, just say: “All this is unpleasant for me. Let’s change the subject. Not? Well then, I guess I’ll go.”
5. Just don’t show up for family gatherings.
If you have repeatedly seen from your own experience that a situation or a person is toxic to you, try to avoid them as much as possible. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t come to family gatherings, don’t get into arguments with people who sow negativity. Do not waste your energy and time on things that can harm you.
Once you start respecting yourself and your boundaries, there is no going back. Most likely, at first it will not be easy for you: toxic relatives are unlikely to be happy with the changed state of affairs – but this is the only way to protect yourself and your psyche from people whose communication has a detrimental effect on you.
You deserve to have your feelings considered, opinions respected and arguments listened to. This is the only way to build healthy relationships with yourself and with those around you.