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To deceive so that others believe is also a kind of art. Former FBI Special Agent John Schafer reveals the secrets of the perfect lie…leaving the moral choice to our conscience.
Everyone in their life at least once had that awkward moment when they were caught trying to deceive. Researchers have spent countless hours studying the verbal, non-verbal and paralinguistic signs of lying so that we can identify who is lying to us. But the other side of the coin, the characteristics of ideal liars, has been studied very little.
Former special agent and now FBI consultant John Schafer shares unexpected information on how to tell a lie without being caught lying.
Good liars control their emotions
The fear of being caught in a lie turns on the natural “fight or flight” mechanism that mentally and physically prepares the body for rescue. When this algorithm is turned on, the body automatically, completely unconsciously, gives out a reaction to the state of fear. When fear builds up, the brain’s ability to process information plummets—how much depends on the actual or perceived likelihood of being caught.
The fight-or-flight response presents two important obstacles for liars. First: breathing and pulse become more frequent, sweating increases. The increased energy of the body “splashes out” through increased motor activity. It is these manifestations of a nervous state that have been identified as non-verbal signs of deception. Fortunately for liars, none of them is considered an accurate indicator of a lie.
However, the best way to deceive cheaters is to observe the characteristic gestures associated with the fight-or-flight response. Good liars have learned to release excess body energy without attracting unwanted attention.
Cognitive overload creates difficulties for the thought process and speech, which, accordingly, makes it difficult to successfully deceive
Second hurdle: cognitive overload during the fight-or-flight response. When trying to deceive someone, liars think about many things at the same time. We have to control verbal and non-verbal signs, remember what they have already said and what they have not said before, make sure that the story they have composed sounds logical and believable.
In addition, liars have to constantly keep in mind what words, gestures or facial expressions can give them away. In other words, when a person tells a lie, his brain is fully turned on. Cognitive overload creates difficulties for the thought process and speech, which, accordingly, makes it difficult to successfully deceive, explains John Schafer.
The first piece of advice is that in order to lie more effectively, you need to identify and recognize the very beginning of the fight-or-flight response and make efforts to eliminate or hide its manifestations. This will provide additional resources for convincing deception.
Good liars stay themselves
Under normal circumstances, human behavior remains fairly constant and predictable. Internal restrictions determine which actions are characteristic of him and which are not. People are often caught lying precisely because they say or do something that is not natural for them. Parents expose children to clean water when they change their behavior patterns in an attempt to deceive. Husbands and wives determine lies by the “strange” actions of partners. Unusual behavior breeds suspicion.
The second tip: in order to reduce the chances of being caught in a lie, you need to be yourself. Speak and act like you always do. This is especially important if you are deceiving those who know you well. They can quickly feel that you are out of the ordinary.
In terms of the ability to tell lies, extroverts have an inherent advantage over introverts, because in the eyes of others they look more confident and pleasant. Self-confidence and the ability to please “disarm” suspiciousness. And external attractiveness and the ability to communicate increase the chances of any deceiver. People tend to notice inconsistencies much less and believe more in the innocence of those they like.
Third tip: if you are an introvert, watch extroverts, their facial expressions and behavior in order to increase your chances of becoming a good liar.
Good liars are quick to think
The art of deception requires the ability to think quickly. When speaking a lie, a person is often faced with unexpected questions, and his answer determines whether he is believed or not. The speaker may be given away by an inappropriate pause or an unconscious touch to the face.
Fourth advice: the ability to think quickly can be trained. Stand in front of a large full-length mirror and tell a lie, then ask yourself a surprise question and watch how you answer. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal displays and other possible clues. To imagine how the one you are going to lie to will feel, say: “My light is a mirror, tell me, who does not know the word of a lie, who is the most honest, sincere and true in the world?”
“As you can see,” Schafer concludes, “becoming a good liar is possible if you practice simple techniques and avoid showing typical signs of deception. Your life can become more comfortable without those embarrassing moments when you are caught lying.” “Of course, sometimes your conscience will wake up and you will spend many sleepless nights – but is that a big price to pay for becoming a real consummate liar?” he asks sarcastically.
About the Expert: John Schafer is a former special agent and current FBI consultant, and co-author of Turning on Charm the Secret Service Method (Mann, Ivanov, and Ferber, 2015).