Rules for getting rid of fear in sex, or the syndrome of waiting for failure.

In the article we will touch on a rather delicate topic, but this does not lose its relevance. I’ll tell you what it is failure expectation syndrome in sex and how to deal with it.

Reasons for the development of experiences

The problem is more widespread than it is customary to talk about it out loud. And if a guy strives to overcome or is not very worried about the failures that arise, then everything passes with time. But when the level of anxiety increases, and no measures are taken to solve the problem, everything can end with psychological impotence and the absence of sexual life in principle.

Before treating such a condition in men medical methods and techniques from a sex therapist, it is necessary to understand the causes of fear. Only in accordance with this should one look for ways to solve the problem.

alarming a state regarding one’s own sexual insolvency occurs in two cases:

1. in the absence of sexual experience;
2. in the presence of negative experience (sexual dysfunction, disappearance of erection, discontent of the partner).

The first option has exclusively psychological grounds, while the second one can be provoked by both emotional experiences and physiological problems. In any case, it is the psychological expectation of a possible failure that is due to personal factors and has nothing to do with biology.

The occurrence of an alarm sexual soil can be triggered by the following situations:

• Negative first sexual contact. Similar sensations can occur both with a more experienced partner and with a virgin. A big role here is played not by the actual side, but by emotional readiness, the level of trust and general sympathy between partners. The first sexual experience determines the attitude towards intimacy, if not for life, then for the near future. And this means that failures can shape behavior aimed at avoiding intimate relationships in general.
• Overwork, which is not perceived by a man as the norm, leads to unrealistically high demands. Here we can talk about insufficient attention to stressful situations, which also affect the functioning of the whole organism and the emergence of sexual desire. Social stereotypes require men to be fully prepared at any time of the day and under any circumstances, while the aspects of fatigue and stressfulness of life are not taken into account by the men themselves. From here, “sudden” failures can arise, which would not have happened if you were attentive to your condition.
• Excessive use of the porn industry not only distorts a realistic view of intimate relationships, but also changes the physiological functioning of the genitals, as a result of which fears and anxieties acquire a biological basis.
• An incorrect model of a woman’s behavior is the most common cause of experiences. This includes ridicule, bullying, provocation, dictatorial behavior and open statements about the partner’s sexual failure. Any sloppy word can cause the development of complexes and sexual dysfunction against this background.

Thus, we see that the main reasons are either the men’s own far-fetched fears, or the provocative behavior of the partner, which provokes the appearance of complexes.

What does the norm look like?

Treatment is not an absolute necessity in every experience. Moreover, in many cases, unrest is a sign of the norm and value of relationships.

It is perfectly acceptable to be excited in the following situations:

• the first sexual contact in a man’s life — experiences are justified by the unknown;
• the first intimacy with a particular woman — most often indicates the presence of feelings for a partner and the seriousness of the interaction;
• after a long break in sexual life;
• when using new sex toys, sex in a new environment or in an unusual state.

Such experiences are quite natural, so they usually do not affect the physiology. If, because of them, the very moment of sexual intercourse is delayed, the level of anxiety increases every day, then it is necessary to look for methods, how fight with this condition.

Rules for getting rid of the fear of waiting for failure

Not all men go to a psychotherapist to solve such problems, however, in chronic forms, one cannot do without the help of specialists. We will consider the main independent methods, how to get rid of from increased anxiety and expectation of failure:

1. A frank conversation with a partner is shown in any situation — when feelings began to arise after a sloppy phrase from a permanent partner, and also when relationships are just beginning to develop. This problem is not exclusively male, which should be solved alone, only a joint search for a solution can help the couple. This is especially relevant because most of the syndromes arise from a lack of open dialogue between partners.
2. Self-analysis will help a man get to the reasons that caused the state of expectation of a fiasco. Often, understanding that the last time was a failure due to high levels of stress at work or health problems helps to adequately assess the situation and move on. Moreover, remembering the first moments that give rise to anxiety helps to correct undesirable factors in the future.
3. Working with one’s own complexes becomes relevant after they were discovered in the causes of psychological discomfort. Among the most common are the myth about the size of the penis, inadequate assessment of the level of one’s sexual skills, the effect of religious and social prohibitions on satisfying needs in certain ways. To dispel such myths, one should delve into the study of biology, as well as in some anonymous forum to find out the true opinion of women. Reality suggests that many complexes are far-fetched and have nothing to do with reality.
4. Action instead of thinking. Anxiety manifests itself in such a way that the more time and effort a person devotes to thinking about failures, the less likely he is to accomplish something, but the level of fear grows quite rapidly. The only way to break the vicious circle is to take action. The main thing is to be attentive to the reaction of the partner and to your desires, do not rush and prove something to someone. The main goal should be to get pleasure, and in what way — you can agree with the woman in advance.
5. Timely access to specialists (psychotherapists, sexologists, physiotherapists) is the responsibility of a man. After all, the longer you brush off a problem that you can’t overcome on your own, the longer it will take to correct it.

While a man takes (or does not take) the above steps, the role of a woman in intimate relationships remains quite significant, so we will give some recommendations for those who are interested in the psychological state of their partner.

What should a partner do?

Advice, how to behave a woman whose man is very worried about his sexual viability:

• do not lie about your feelings and desires;
• choose the correct wording for expressing dissatisfaction (it is better not to criticize, but to offer other options);
• praise, compliment, celebrate moments that bring special pleasure;
• set up a man for a frank conversation and discuss possible solutions, take part in this process.

Remember that the higher the level of openness and trust in a couple, the less likely these problems are to arise and the easier they are to resolve.

Love one another and take proper care!

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Until next time!