Children already in the first year of life, especially starting from 6 months, may well learn the rules (understand certain relationships).
The newborn has no idea what is good and what is bad, what is desirable and what is not, but he is able to notice the reaction of parents to his behavior. He can draw conclusions from this and adjust his behavior. His means are still limited, but extremely effective: he quickly understands that his luminous smile melts our anger, and loud, furious crying makes us want to stop it as soon as possible.
The following rules are not something we tell a child. This is what he understands about our relationship with him in connection with what and how we do to him. Or how we react to what he does to us.
So, the Rules «Child is in charge, parents run errands»:
- If I pay, someone will take care of me.
- I only fall asleep if they carry me in their arms.
- If I want, always, at any time of the day or night, I will get to eat
- If I refuse the spoon, they will give me breasts.
- If I cry in a wheelchair, I will be picked up in 5 minutes at the latest.
Is your child learning these relationships? So he teaches the rule: “What I want always happens. My parents apparently have no other occupations and needs.”
There is another extreme, the Rules «Child is nobody, Parents are everything»:
- I must always drink the entire contents of the bottle. It doesn’t matter if I’m hungry or not.
- I have to lie in bed for 12 hours every night, although I cannot sleep more than 10 hours.
- After each feeding, they immediately put me to bed. Nobody works with me.
In this case, your child is teaching, “It always happens what my parents want. Nobody cares about my needs.»
The following Rules are more suitable for both parents and the child: “Respect for the child, respect for the parents”:
- My mom decides when she will give me food and what kind of food it will be. I can decide if I will eat it and if so, how much.
- If I am calm and in a good mood, my mother especially plays with me a lot and willingly.
- If I need something, I can say it by crying. But if I cry all the time, my parents will stop paying attention to me.
- My parents do a lot with me during the day. But if they have important things to do, I have to entertain myself, even if I don’t like it.
- At home, I can explore almost everything. But there are some things I shouldn’t touch.
Is your child learning these kinds of relationships? So at the same time he teaches: “I will get everything I need from my parents. But not necessarily everything I want. My parents respect my needs, but they have them too. And sometimes they know better what is good for me and what is not.”