PSYchology

Well, your child’s first birthday is over. What do you expect from the next two years?

In a year he can walk, starts to speak. At three he speaks perfectly. He sleeps all night, of course. Transferred from HB to regular food without any problems. Willingly plays with other children, shares toys, but if necessary, can achieve his own. He loves his brothers or sisters, treats them well. He always obeys, does not run away, easily breaks up with you, touches only permitted things, is always in a good mood and healthy. She has been going to the potty since the age of 2. Of course, you can already eat with your own hands. He loves all sorts of useful things, vegetables and fruits. Often plays in his room, can play alone for hours. He’s brave and doesn’t do anything dangerous at the same time. Always looks clean and tidy.

Do you know such children? I know at least moms who say, “This is how it should be. If something is wrong, I am a failure and a bad mother. But the reality looks different: And those children who later begin to walk or talk, at 3 years old are still in diapers, hate vegetables, and would gladly take their newborn brother back to the hospital, are also absolutely normal.

In this intense phase of development, each child expands the horizon at their own pace. He learns to run — and run away at the same time. He learns to speak — including the word «no». He can build and destroy towers. He learns to communicate with other children, if not with words, then maybe with strokes, or even hitting and biting. He knows how to eat himself — and can throw food with precision. He can hug mom — and he can kick. No child at this age can understand what is good and what is bad. But he can notice this in the constantly recognizable reaction of his parents and draw conclusions.

Rules “The child is in charge, the parents are on errands” (the premise is “Everything will happen the way I want. What does it feel like for others — I don’t care”):

  • If I snatch something from another child, I can keep it for myself.
  • If I don’t touch dinner, my mom will cook me something else.
  • If I fall to the floor and scream, I’ll get what I want right away
  • I already know exactly when I want to go to the toilet. But if I refuse the potty, my mother will wash me and put on a clean diaper.

Rules «Child is nobody, Parents are everything»:

  • If I snatch a toy from a child’s hand, I’ll get hit in the ass.
  • I have to sit on the potty until I do something.
  • If I don’t touch dinner, I’ll be force-fed
  • If I fall to the floor in a rage, I will be yelled at and beaten.

Here in the first place the wishes of the parents. They are not interested in what it is like for the child. And children who have to periodically comply with the first rule, then the second are very confused.

Rules: «Respect for the child, respect for the parents»:

  • If I snatch something from the hands of another child, my mother will take it from me and give it back to him.
  • If I don’t touch it before dinner, I’ll have to wait until the next feeding.
  • If I fall on the floor and scream, my mother immediately leaves the room.
  • They don’t put me in diapers anymore, even if I still pee in my pants often
  • During breakfast in kindergarten, everyone sits at the table. I have to sit only while I eat. I’m not allowed to walk around the room with food in my hand.

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