Rules for a child 3-6 years old (preschooler)

Children from 2 to 5 are curious and lively, running to you with funny eyes, hanging around your neck and excitedly telling you what they just saw. They ask you a bunch of questions that the smartest academics don’t have easy answers to. However, children do not always wait for your answers, it is more important for them to simply ask. Children from 2 to 5 are self-centered, focused on their own desires and needs, remaining completely indifferent to how inconsiderate they are to others. Some preschoolers also go through the «possessive» stage, interfering in their parents’ affairs without hesitation because they want absolute parental attention. What, do they want it?

What to do? Teach your kids to be reasonable.

Rules governing the relationship between parents and children, between the children themselves — there are in every family. The question is what are these rules? What are these rules? If you don’t set rules intentionally and thoughtfully, they set themselves, and not always well.

For example, in a family, the following problematic rules may actually be established: “If I don’t get dressed in the morning, my mother will dress me.” “If in the morning I dig and make a scandal, then I won’t go to kindergarten.” «If I refuse to clean my room, my mother will.» (The option is not better “If I refuse to get dressed, dig or do not clean up my toys, I will be yelled at or kicked in the ass.”) Perhaps you need more reasonable rules.

When a family has simple, clear and at the same time reasonable rules, life is easier for everyone. In this case, the child knows in advance what is expected of him, he himself knows when he broke the rule, and this does not need to be proved through a scandal. When the rules become habitual for a child, they become the natural norm of life, and then you can almost completely abandon «orders» or special prohibitions.

At preschool age, children still find it difficult to remind themselves of the rules, most of the rules live like the formulations of the elders, with which the children agree. “At 9 o’clock you go to bed!” — this is what dad says, it reminds mom, and the child gets used to it. The most important, the most general rules are usually rarely spoken, but one way or another, rather at the level of feeling, children also learn them. For a preschooler, these important rules are: «I have to entertain myself sometimes.» «Stubbornness won’t do me any good.» «I can fall asleep alone and sleep through the night.» «If it’s important, I have to do what my parents say.»

What should parents say about this? Here are some typical options.

Rise

• I wake you up — you smile at me and get up within a minute.
• No games in the morning, you need to quickly wash and get ready.
  
• We leave for kindergarten on time, even if you haven’t had time to fully dress.

Food

• I decide what’s for dinner. Either eat what mom cooked or stay hungry. This is not a restaurant for you. There is no other food.
• You decide whether you eat and how much. We don’t force feed anyone. If you don’t want to eat, don’t eat. If you don’t want to eat, leave it.
• Between meals, no snacks, Fanta and sweets. Eat badly — work up a healthy appetite.
  
• During the meal, we remain seated at the table. At this time, there is no place for toys on it.
• Incorrect behavior at the table while eating (feet on the table, smearing food, running out to look at something or play) = eating is over.
• After eating, we all say “Thank you” to mom! and take the dishes with us to the kitchen.

Security

• If there is a roadway nearby, you must stay close to me.
• If you walk and leave the yard, you must first inform your parents about it. One of us should always know where you are.
• If your parents are not around, you don’t talk to anyone around you, you don’t accept any invitations.

Relations with others

• Whether at home, on the playground or in the clubs, we are friendly to everyone. Hitting, taking away toys or throwing objects is prohibited. If something bothers us, we can tell about it.
• We talk to each other in a friendly manner, without swearing or shouting.

Parents

• If mom or dad calls, we come right away. If mom calls, but you haven’t completed something, come and explain it to mom. Maybe mom will let me finish it.
• We listen to parents. If you do not agree, then do it first, and then discuss it for the future. If you want to do it not immediately, but later, then first say that you will definitely do it, and then ask to do it later.
• Parents whining and crying do not understand. If you need something, ask in a calm voice.
• Request format: shoulders straightened, joyful face, eyes look into the eyes of the one we ask: «Appeal, please, the text of the request.» After completing the request, be sure to thank.
  
• We don’t mind rejection.
• We don’t pull our parents, we don’t shout to them from afar. If you need to say something to dad or mom — run up, stand next to you and only after that ask.

Games

• Fights start, games end. Use the «Stop!»
• First you remove the old game, then you take out the new one.
• You clean your toys yourself.

TV and computer

• I decide how long you can watch TV. We decide together what you can watch. You are only allowed to turn on the TV with my permission.
• Computer and iPad — only in the absence of fights, only half an hour a day and only until the elders need it. Only dad uploads new programs and games.

Dream

• At 9 o’clock the children go to bed.
• After the «bedtime story», mom or dad turn off the lights and leave the room.
  
• In bed, children do not scream, lie quietly, try to fall asleep.

Could the rules in your family be different? Of course they can: children are different, different families. In good families at this age, more serious rules can be introduced by parents. For example, see How Misha put his grandmother in a corner

Each family may have its own rules, it is only important to be able to formulate your own rules correctly. To do this, imagine more often how you would like the child to behave, then translate it into the language of specific actions, where it is formulated not only in the negative “What is not allowed”, but in the positive “How to do it right”.

It’s easy to say: “Never fight with your sister!”, But this is not a rule, because a smart child will ask: “What should I do if you are not there, and my sister took away my toy, does not give it away and teases?” Perhaps the “Stop!” Rule will help your children more in this situation, or maybe you will come up with something even more interesting.

How to introduce new rules? For skillful parents, this is easy, everyone else needs to first master the simplest rules of the format …​

The strength of the rules is in their stability — and at the same time in the ability to change when the situation changes (for example, you move to the country in the summer). It’s always better when the rules are written down. It is always more fun when you can say them all in unison and loudly. It’s great if they can be sung or told like poetry. At first, the rules live only because the parents remember them. Over time, the rules live on, because children are already used to them …

For kids from 3 to 6, the designation of intentions works very well. Lilia Smyslova writes:

“When you indicate to your children your intentions towards them, a certain program of upcoming actions, then they are much more obedient and calmer, even if this program of actions implies something unprofitable or undesirable for them. For example, when we were in the hospital with Vika, and I had to give an injection, I told her: “Now you will need to be patient a little, you will be given an injection here (she showed where), aunt will anoint here with a wet cotton swab, then it will hurt, and then we will We will quickly rub the place with a cotton swab and blow it, and everything will pass. But it will hurt a little. You can cry a little if you want. But the injection will still have to be done. And Vika almost did not cry and did not break out, so, she squeaked a little during the injection. Unlike all the other children in the ward. True, mothers are now all smart, this topic was immediately cut through, and the next day everyone began to talk like that too. And it worked for their children too.”