Rules for a child

There are rules governing the relationship between parents and children in every family. Rules are needed. Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) must be in the life of every child. Human life always follows certain rules, and by mastering the rules, the child grows up, from a young animal becomes a man.

It is curious: if the rules disappear, the child first rejoices, and then feels forgotten and unnecessary (“no one cares about me”).

Rules are what was once established and become habitual. It happens that the rules grow into us so much that we already forget that these were once rules, and we begin to call it a relationship between us. Bad relationships in the family are the result of bad rules in this family. If we do not set the rules for the child, the child himself sets them for us, and this is hardly good. “You are obliged to do everything that I will cry to you about!” is a bad rule. On the other hand, an angry parent: “Whatever it occurred to me now, then you should do it!” — is no better.

Unfortunately, in bad families, two distortions are possible in setting the rules — either this is the unspoken rule “The child is in charge, parents are on errands”, or the completely vowel “Child is nobody, Parents are everything”. In good families, rules are built on the basis of respect for children and the headship of parents.

In order for the rules in your family to work, they themselves must comply with some rules. Namely, the rules must be reasonable, take care of all family members; minimal (there should not be too many rules); understandable and clear; with the indicated stiffness (hard and soft); common, agreed between parents and — solid. Either smile and everything suits you, or say the rule firmly: not persuading, but formulating the requirement: “Turn off the computer, go to sleep.” See details →

Rules or contract?

The rules oblige one party, the contract obliges both parties. Should there be rules for children in a family or an agreement between parents and children? Or — is a contract fair, in which the duties of only the child are prescribed? In our opinion, none of this matters. You can call it the Rules, you can call it a contract, and the contract can specify the obligations of only the child — everything will be honest. Why? In many families, the requirements for children are either overestimated, or fuzzy and floating, while for what and how the child will be punished, no one knows, and the child cannot warn this. The same contract says that quite understandable and certain things are required from the child, the sanctions are also known, and this makes the situation more understandable for the child. Such an agreement can be called an agreement on the boundaries of friendly relations: if the child fulfills it, the parents are obliged to treat him only friendly, and not as it comes into their heads according to their mood.

An analogue is the rules of the road: they define the duties of the driver and indicate the sanctions for a particular violation. Fine. This is traffic rules, not a bonded contract between drivers and the state.

If the child suddenly asks what are the duties of the parents, then this point is easy: the parents undertake to take care of the child and educate him. This is a huge job, there are a lot of very serious points here, if you write down at least the main ones, then the work of being a parent will no longer seem small …

Model Rules for a child

Here are the rules that have proven themselves in many families and that you can try on your family. If you want to avoid especially frequent problems, you need to teach your child the following rules as early as possible:

• I have to entertain myself sometimes
• Stubbornness won’t do me any good
• I can fall asleep alone and sleep through the night
• If it’s important, I have to do what my parents say.

An example of family rules for a preschooler — see Article

Also interesting formulations for children from 7 years old:

• A good person does everything himself;
• A good man is not afraid of anything;
• A good man unties all the knots himself;
• A good person is patient. The one who cries always loses.
• There are still more good people around than bad people, it is only necessary that your resentment for life does not overshadow them.

​​​​​​​Examples of more detailed rules for children of different ages:

• Rules for a child under 1 year old
• Rules for a child from 2 to 3 years
• Rules for a child 3-6 years old (preschooler)
• Rules for a child 4-6 years old (kindergarten)
• Rules for a child from 6-7 years old (elementary school)
• Rules for a child 8-12 years old (Rules for a family with Katyusha)​
• Rules from 12 years old
• Rules for a teenager