Why do we remember some events and forget others? How to learn to replenish the piggy bank of pleasant memories and make life brighter?
Research shows that we remember events better that evoke strong emotions and are filled with meaning, such as your wedding day or your first public appearance. Such memories fill with happiness, pride or awe. How to make sure that there are as many of them as possible?
The brothers Chip and Dan Heath, the authors of the book “The Power of Moments. Why certain events have a surprising effect on us.” To make events more remarkable, four elements are needed.
Majesty: an opportunity to rise above everyday life.
Opening: the habit of questioning ideas about oneself and the world.
Pride: the ability to notice moments when we achieve something important or show courage.
Proximity: the ability to strengthen social bonds.
Imagine the first day of work for a new employee. Usually it is boring and full of paperwork. But you can provide him with a free parking space, greet him in the lobby of the office, introduce him to colleagues, invite him to dinner, decorate the workplace. The benefit is obvious: this day will be remembered by the employee. Moreover, he will understand that he is important and valuable, since the company takes such care of him.
Remember your childhood, school years, college. Surely at least once one of the teachers noted your strong trait. Most likely, it filled you with pride and motivated you to move forward. For example, I remember how my supervisor praised my dissertation. It gave me strength and confidence.
If we focus on self-discovery, not achievement, leaving the comfort zone is not so scary.
At the same time, it is worth avoiding formal ways of recognition, such as conferring the title of “employee of the month”. Instead, praise a job well done spontaneously but often. Rely on objective indicators: achieving work goals, improving the microclimate in the office.
Not only positive moments are stored in memory: studies show that we remember negative episodes longer. Therefore, it is especially important to learn from hard experience a lesson and discover something new for yourself. See every setback as an opportunity to get to know your strengths and weaknesses better. If we focus on self-discovery rather than achievement, stepping out of our comfort zone is not so scary.
If someone has had a positive impact on you and your life, write them a letter of thanks. This will be a bright moment for him, in which all four elements will converge: you will emphasize the greatness of a person, point out the importance of his kindness and nobility, recognize his talents and strengthen the bond between you.
These tips can be applied to any area of life. For example, I reconsidered my attitude to organizing a holiday in honor of the 25th wedding anniversary. We originally wanted to have dinner at a restaurant, but ended up having a photo projector screening and repeating our wedding vows. This made the holiday more vivid and memorable.
About the Expert: Jill Sutty is a psychologist.