By analogy with companies where there are no set business processes, I will assume that one of the main reasons for the “burnout” of a modern person is the lack of separation of roles. It is all the more important to define the roles and functions for each role that are involved in the process of achieving the goal, and to define behaviors and rules for each role.
Why is it important to define, and in fact — to separate the roles? The separation of roles will allow you not to “burn out”, switch from role to role on your own and voluntarily. If we do not do this ourselves, then reality forces us to change roles, usually with the help of “knocking out”, and this is a lot of stress. Switching roles helps you not get tired, because during the day you rest in one role from another. Rest, as we know, is a change of activity. In our case, these are different roles and different behaviors.
And the most important thing for which it is worth defining roles is to use time to the maximum. To make your life rich, without guilt, fear of not being able to do something, etc.
For example, for a long time I was focused only on my career, because of this, I spent little time on children, focusing on the fact that I need to earn as much money as possible in order to ensure their present and, most importantly, in my opinion, their future. I did not communicate with friends, because. I thought that this time was wasted, I didn’t go on vacation because I thought it was an extra waste of time, and all my “travels” and “vacations” were connected only with career necessity. When furtively, during breaks, I got acquainted with new places. I did not communicate with my mother and sister … And only with age you understand simple wisdom, for example, that children, having received material benefits, will never receive compensation for attention and simple, but such important conversations ….
Therefore, it is easier to immediately understand what you want on «all fronts» …
EXAMPLE 3.
The author writes all the functions of his personal life based on his own life position. Just like any other person can create their own functions.
Role | Main function | Behavior model | Rules |
Serve your husband. Serve in the classic version, i.e. predict desires, make life and life comfortable. Accept in any situation, be proud of your hero. Be nice to your husband. | Agree with husband. If I do not agree with something, be able to gently clarify and convey information. Be friendly. To be able to organize a comfortable life for the husband in the house. Delicious and on time to cook what the husband wants. Control the ideal state of the wardrobe. | 1. the husband is always right (to the right of all the right); 2. if the husband is not right, then I do not understand something; 3. do all things with joy and pleasure; | |
Love, care for the physical and moral needs of children, upbringing with the goal of raising an independent and socially useful individual. | Watch your children, see their talents and develop them. Listen to them with attention. I have to know my children very well, study changes in behavior, health, habits all the time. Answer questions in detail with examples. I must always lead by example. Control the quality of the incoming information and the quality of the conclusions they draw. Explain all your actions and decisions regarding them. Be tough and ruthless in training situations of any skill. It’s delicious to cook what they want. Control the state of the wardrobe. Buy beautiful clothes, shape the taste. | 1. everyone follows the same rules of conduct at home. Rules are corrected, supplemented jointly. 2. all children you do some housework. 3. All changes, events, etc. must be agreed in advance. 4. everyone has the right to their opinion, and this opinion can be both true and NOT true More details can be found here: http://www.triz-ri.ru/forum/mess.asp?thr=25050 This is a discussion on the TRIZ-CHANCE forum, where the topic is disclosed in as much detail as possible. | |
Caring for the preservation of one’s own beauty, dressing nicely, constantly changing, delighting those around you with your appearance, mood … | Eat right, sleep at least 6 hours a day, be aware of fashion, choose an interesting wardrobe, both for every day and for different occasions. Take care of your skin, do yoga. Visit different hairdressers. Read «fashionable» literature to be an interesting conversationalist and keep abreast of events. | 1. Spend at least 1,5 hours a day on yourself. 2. Update your wardrobe at least 2 times a year (I really don’t like shopping). 3. Go to bed no later than 23. | |
Organization, planning of the company’s work to achieve established business indicators, monitoring the implementation of established business indicators, etc. | Control all key points, intermediate results. Authoritarian-consultation style of behavior and leadership: Employees’ opinions are heard, but after decisions are made, they are carried out without elements of democracy | 1. no personal attachments when achieving a business result. 2. carry out all planned activities for organization and control. 3. allocate at least 2 hours a week to study materials on management, on the organization of business processes on the Internet. | |
Business consultant; business trainer | Advising Customers according to the scheme: clarification of the problem from the words of the Customer — setting a task or a system of tasks — proposing a system of solutions — implementing the selected solutions. | Listen carefully and carefully to the problem. Request refinements. Detachment from the customer’s problem. Focusing only on the result with the help of the Customer’s resources. At the same time, the result should be maximized, and costs should be minimal. Honesty. Studying information about how other business problems are solved. Organize experience. Train the brain constantly (solve at least 2 tasks a day). Participate in professional (rather than amateur) Conferences, forums, write Reports and articles. | 1. never sympathize with the Customer. Don’t get emotionally involved. 2. do exactly that and exactly as much for how much is paid and what is written in the Agreement and the Appendix. 3. control the fulfillment by the Customer of his actions within the framework of the signed documents. Never think that the Customer will «guess». 4. do their work with high quality, finalize until the Customer fully understands each stage and document. |
Determine the topic, make a plan in hours for all activities, collect material, collect examples, and write-write and write according to the plan. | Disciplined Execution of actions according to the plan. | 1. until what is planned is done, do not go to bed. | |
Help in resolving issues with their Partners through their connections. Request assistance in resolving your issues from Partners through their connections. Maintain and strengthen partnerships. | Listen carefully to the Partner’s request, look for solutions. Be interested in the outcome of the case in any case. | 1. remember your commitments and promises and always keep what you promise. 2. congratulate Partners on their birthdays and important calendar holidays. | |
Provide and receive support in any available form | Attentiveness, honesty, openness, love for a friend. | 1. never leave a friend unattended. 2. always invest work, soul in relationships. 3. remember that your friend is not a perfect person, so do not demand too much from him. |
In psychotherapy there is the concept of «wide role range», the presence of which determines the maturity and health of the individual.
It must be admitted that the role of a friend has become close to me quite recently. When I was able to optimize the main direction of my activity. Up until this point, I hadn’t been distracted by friendship.
The rules that are the same for all roles and which I can simply share, may be useful to some of the respected Visitors of the TREKO.RU portal:
1. Do not wait for praise and recognition for those functions that are performed in different roles. This is the main mistake many people make. You consciously created roles for yourself, took on the functions of each role, so do it. At the same time, do it not lazily and qualitatively. As my dad taught me: “If you take on a job, do it well so that you can be proud of the result. Or don’t take it at all.» You do not praise your masseur, or dentist, or cashier in a supermarket for the fact that he performs his functions qualitatively? Rather, you will express dissatisfaction if the above-mentioned Specialists do their job poorly. And you don’t need to say: “It’s not me, it’s them who are forcing me” — I beg you, you don’t need to shift the responsibility onto other people! You just need to do everything efficiently and conscientiously, in the time frame in which you need to enjoy, satisfy and increase your self-esteem only through the results of your work. Millions of women make a big mistake when they begin to demand praise and a “throne” from their children and husband for doing ordinary housework, in fact, their direct duties. An even bigger mistake is not understanding the roles of other people. In particular, many women think that a husband is a girlfriend who should listen, console, without correction for the fact that men are usually annoyed and suppressed by typical female chatter … Or children are used for the role of a girlfriend …
2. Do not feel sorry for yourself and others. Don’t do their work for others.
3. Never wait for someone (even the closest ones) to guess about the mood, state, desires. Always verbalize if you want to be heard in a language that your opponent understands. Always negotiate.
4. Never wait for someone «kind» to solve your problem or help.
Do you want to achieve the goal —
Don’t rely on people for help.
Don’t worry about someone else’s
Own your indifference.
Omar Khayyam
5. Remember that you are not the best and wonderful. Remember to give results and talk less. Remember that people do not need you, but the results of your activities, which is why it is important to ensure your future with results that will make it possible to live well until the end of your days.
6. Remember that you are often wrong (this is especially true for women). There is no need to act by analogy with the monologue (in my opinion, M. Zhvanetsky), performed (exactly) by R. Kartsev, where he says: “I left the bathroom — I got into a scandal” …
7. You can demand from others exactly as much and what you do yourself. For example, if you want respect, you must first of all respect others.
8. Always build comfortable relationships. To do this, always resolve conflicts, omissions, etc. in their infancy. Even better is to prevent such moments by negotiating right away.
9. Remember that all relationships (like people) deteriorate over time (I.L. Vikentiev), so you need to make efforts to maintain relationships.
And at the end of the block, a verbatim quote from I.L. Vikentieva: “If we make a beautiful woman out of an ugly woman, then we must form 4 behavior models for her, no more … If more, then men go crazy.”
The main thing to remember is that you yourself must choose roles, define behavior patterns and rules yourself. Nobody else will do this for you.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.