Robot and feelings. Do we want freedom of experience?

People who are good at managing their emotions are often called (more precisely, called names) robots. Is it so?

Firm «MIF» and regulated love

The ability to endure suffering is worthy of respect; but, apparently, it is more important to learn how to live in such a way as to save both yourself and others from suffering. As for love, it is formulated as a problem of controlling your feelings: do you own them or do they own you?

It is difficult to manage our feelings: both because we are not taught this, and because many consider it simply unnecessary, they are ready to literally push it away — I don’t want to, I won’t!

Let’s do a simple thought experiment: of course, this is a fairy tale, but imagine that a firm called MIF (Youth and Fantasy) has opened in your city, producing emotion regulators. This is a small box, it must be carried in a pocket near the heart. On the box there is a toggle switch “I love — I don’t love”, and next to it are volume controls (sorry, intensity) of love experiences and their coloring.

I wanted — I love, and if I’m not up to it — I turn off love. They expect it from me, and I don’t feel sorry for it — I give it; my love torments her — I will adjust and do what she wants.

Now a direct question: who would like to acquire such emotion regulators for themselves (or for their loved one, husband or wife)? I know that more than half are categorically against it. Are they right? — The question is obviously not simple. They are probably right that you do not want your feelings to be controlled by something external and mechanical. Man deserves a higher purpose than being controlled by a robot. But something else is alarming — after all, you can learn to manage your feelings yourself, without any fabulous emotion regulators from the MIF company.

In Sinton, you can learn this — it is quite real, and every person who is called a well-mannered, cultured person knows how to do this to one degree or another. Feelings are alive, they cannot be mechanically controlled, but it is possible and necessary to live with them in harmony and humanly control them. Push, stimulate, or dampen, or even prohibit — all this is in the power of man.

Uninvented Dialogue

A person who voluntarily experiences one thing now, and another minute later, is not a person, but a machine. Is this your ideal?

— And which of us is a machine:

You, who automatically gets upset when you get into trouble, or me, who has a choice?

You, who can only be offended or angry at an insult, or I, who freely determine my position?

You, whose experiences follow events as unequivocally as the sounds of a piano, or I, who myself write the melody of my life?

So which of us is mechanical, and who is a living and free person?

Do we want freedom of experience?

As far as I understand, the main obstacle on this path to freedom is our unwillingness (fear?) of this freedom.

A person can complain about his life, with inflamed eyes, tell how badly he lives; he may even want some improvement in his state of mind — but only improvement, and not the ability to control his emotions at all. He regards the possibility of experiencing, at his own will and desire, what he wants, or what he needs, as a strange and often blasphemous undertaking.

Is it natural to get upset when things go wrong? Of course, it is natural, but to think the opposite is just unnatural. Is it natural to grieve when you have lost a loved one? Weird question. Is it natural in such a situation to take care of a joyful state of mind? What are you, mind me, (holy! holy!), not a single moral person will even allow himself to think about it!

Your child’s temperature has risen under 40`, it’s bad for him and you. You are worried. If I give you a magic wand that can free you from these emotions with a single wave, would you use it? …Not. But then one should not deceive oneself: if someone is sad, despairing or irritated, he must be aware that these emotions are in him by his permission, with his (of course, unconscious) consent.

If your tape recorder has a cassette with music that you don’t like, then the cassette needs to be changed. But if you refuse to do this, then you have no one to complain about. It was your choice. Be consistent: YOU WANT to listen to this kind of music — so BE HAPPY with it.

Be consistent! You are grieving — so either be happy that you are grieving, or change the cassette.

The first reason is laziness. A lazy person will agree to stay hungry, just not to cook. Especially if you also need to learn how to cook …

To manage oneself, efforts are needed (and the greater, the less skill). You need attention, analysis, work and control. Need a will. You need to prepare yourself for different situations, adjust the apparatus of their comprehension accordingly, catch the first bursts of “wrong” emotions, develop an attitude towards them, fight internal resistance, expose internal lies, monitor subtle bodily reactions, and all this regularly!.. And if you still need to do mental gymnastics, physiological gymnastics, master auto-training, mental and dynamic meditation — well, no, thank you, I’m better out of it and that’s it — it will cost less.

By the way, there is common sense here. In some situations, it is really cheaper, «more economical» to let the matter of spiritual self-regulation «take its course», to worry and worry to the fullest, without making any conscious efforts. This is the rule of soul economy.

However, reasonable economy is one thing, and laziness is another, and there is no need to engage in internal self-deception.

The second reason why people do not change their emotional response programs is the conditional psychological gain, the internal benefits of negative emotions and states. Each, the most difficult and depressing experience, has its own intimate and hidden positive, sweet or comfortable side, hidden from prying eyes. What good is it that «everything is bad» (a very common form of experience)? When everything is bad, you can complain to yourself and others. And not just to complain, but to count on the fact that you will be pitied, to receive your portion of “strokes”; “stroke”, you will pity yourself, others will also pity.

An upset person is generally equated with a sick person and has a lot of advantages of a sick person. Special attention is paid to him, reduced demands, everyone indulges his whims, forgives a lot, and, most importantly, he can forgive himself a lot …

As a rule, a very upset state of mind opens the sweet path of reproaches and accusations. “Here, my husband is a scoundrel, he will never help in anything, he put everything on me alone, my son is also growing up a parasite, gu.e.t, the boss is a liar and a bastard, he takes advantage of the fact that I can’t answer him, the neighbor is a fool, finds fault little things … All bastards (and I alone am good and suffer innocently) ”.

The latter, however, is not necessarily said to oneself explicitly, but is always the goal of such internal monologues.

And, finally, it has long been known: coming home Angry and Evil is very profitable. You can yell at everyone and you can do nothing. Because I am Evil. And everything is simple.

The third reason why people are not inclined to give up a large part of negative experiences is the consideration of established traditions. Someone who reacts emotionally to a situation in a traditional way is considered normal. And those who do not want to experience decent situations of feeling will be condemned by high public opinion. In addition, many experiences give us a favorable reputation in the eyes of others.

For example, «Does not spare himself at work.» Work does not always benefit from this, and the person almost always loses. But it is gaining a flattering reputation.

Or: «Indifferent.» Option: «Thin and Sensitive». “I am not a cracker, not a piece of iron, but a real person. I have a soul, a heart, feelings!” And the fact that people suffer from his experiences and that things are worth it, worries him much less …

I lost my wallet and I worry all day long — it means I realized it. So, I value money. And if I don’t worry, but simply analyze the situation and draw the necessary conclusions, I won’t have such a reputation.

The child fell seriously ill — I can’t find a place for myself, I’m all torn and torn. Let me become stupid from this, in vain I pull others (and the child) — nothing, but no one will accuse me of insensitivity and, on the contrary, everyone will understand how much I love my child.

Naturally, it is necessary to take into account the established traditions within reasonable limits, there is no need to oppose them and shock those around you, but all your actions (including internal, mental ones) must be honest and rational.

The fourth reason is parental programming. The foundations of civilization are laid for us by our parents, and it is through them that we learn that in cases of failure we need to get upset (or get angry? Or smile? — as was usually the case in your family?); it is necessary to respond to the mistake of another with remarks (or swearing? or help? — how did you react in your family?). What was laid down in us by our parents in childhood is the basis of our picture of the world, these are the axioms of our personal existence. That is why it never occurs to us to criticize them, and that is why such internal resistance meets the call to revise them — the call to change the cassette.

And the last, fifth reason is the fear of becoming the Author of your life, the unwillingness to take on extra responsibility. Responsibility is the other side of Freedom. If I am a Victim, I feel bad, but I am not responsible for anything and it is easy for me to live — «warm and damp.» Whatever I experience in the role of the Victim, I simply suffer passively: I don’t have to choose, bear responsibility, or act. But as soon as I choose Freedom, Responsibility and Choice fall on me. I find myself alone in the face of life, and hard wind and rain are whipping into my face.