This word we most often call a love feeling. But you can also get carried away with an occupation, a business that will fill life with joy and meaning. Although our passions, the social psychologist recalls, have dark sides …
Psychologies : How did you get the idea to explore passion?
Pobert Vallerand Pobert Vallerand: I myself am a passionate baseball player, so I know firsthand about passion. In addition, 20 years ago, when I was just starting to teach, students asked me: is it possible that you love someone and this is bad for you? In science then there was only one theory – intrinsic motivation. It followed from it that if you passionately want something, strive for something, then this is always good. But we all know from experience that it happens in a different way – for example, with love. This is how our research began, which showed that passions are different. Harmonic passion fills a person’s life with joy and meaning. Passion-obsession destroys all human relationships outside of itself.
What is passion?
P.W. P.W.: Passion is an activity to which a person devotes his thoughts, time and energy, regardless of whether it coincides with the sphere of his professional interests. He defines himself through this activity and answers the question “who am I?” through her. That is, passion is not something external to us, it is a part of ourselves. I don’t just say, “I play basketball,” I say, “I’m a basketball player, a basketball player.” Or not “I play the guitar”, but “I am the one who plays the guitar, the one who loves it, the one who is ready to do it day and night.” Of course, such passion leads to achievements.
Is being a football fan, for example, a passion?
P.W. P.W.: Yes, if someone defines himself: “I am a fan”, if he goes to matches or watches them, waits and at this time it is better not to call him. He will not go with his wife to her parents if football is being shown at that time.
And can this passion become destructive?
P.W. P.W.: Of course it can. For example, when his wife says to him: “Football is more important to you than me!” – and they begin to quarrel. But our passion can be not only an occupation, but also another person. And here’s what’s interesting: if love is a harmonic passion, then the one to whom it is directed also feels it, our feeling helps him develop. And if it is an obsession, then it is not good for us and for our partner.
Where is the line between passion and obsession?
P.W. P.W.: Obsession is accompanied by a desire for control and various unpleasant feelings – anger, hatred, fear. If a person is possessed, he is no longer able to allow things to happen as they happen. He wants to subordinate everything to himself, not to miss anything, he begins to fear that something might go wrong …
It’s like an addiction…
P.W. P.W.: It seems. But there is a significant difference. Obsession is still when a person loves to do what he has a passion for. He only wants this. He is ready to give up everything else, but this is it – it still gives him pleasure and joy. Whereas addiction means that a person no longer wants to do it, he wants to stop, but cannot.
Does it happen that a harmonic passion turns into an obsession? And can you feel the moment of transition?
P.W. P.W.: Sometimes you can. For example, at some point I noticed that for the sake of playing basketball, I increasingly neglect other things. But I began to play to earn money during my studies, but a little more – and my studies would begin to suffer. And then I realized that I needed to switch, and focused on science. I don’t have sports channels on my home TV to avoid temptation. ‘Cause I can’t stop, can’t get off the gears.
I would like to clarify: what is the difference between passions and emotions?
P.W. P.W.: The difference is that emotions do not depend on us, it is a reaction to external events. Passion without emotions is impossible, but not limited to them. Passion is a combination of feelings, thoughts and activities that evoke and mutually support each other. And passion becomes an obsession if it acquires the character of compensation: many things do not work out in life, but this one does, and here is the whole force of despair. This is the last bet that must win, otherwise a complete collapse.
Is it possible to get rid of passion-obsession?
P.W. P.W.: My friend, a dietitian, says that his patients make the mistake of trying to give up certain foods. There is no need to refuse, he believes, you just need to use healthy foods more often, develop a taste for them. And they will gradually replace the harmful ones. This is true for our emotional life as well. We cannot simply turn off some feelings, leaving emptiness in their place. But we can replace them with others. Introduce something new into your life that brings joy to replace what took strength.
So you can still keep your passion under control?
P.W. P.W.: I’ll quote to you A: The mind cannot control the passion. Only another passion can control passion.
Tenacity and meaning
In the early 2000s, the founders of positive psychology posed the question: “How can we give value to human existence, make life worth living?” Robert Wallerand has shown that a possible answer to this question is to have passion and purpose in your life, to get involved in some meaningful activity. In addition to harmonious, creative passion-obsession, there is also a destructive, obsessive passion, passion-obsession. But even it is better than a complete lack of interests and desires: passion gives us perseverance and perseverance, brings meaning to life. O.S.