Contents
Rivalry is a special kind of relationship based on the struggle for value: power, prestige, recognition, love, financial success. Rivalry with a colleague at work, with a friend at the gym, and with a classmate in English class can be the engine of progress, and the spirit of competition can lead to victory and unexpectedly good results. But in a pair it is always destructive. Why should it be avoided and how to build partnerships?
The first signs of the spirit of competition appear in a child at the age of 5-6 and are associated with the struggle for parental love. If parents push the child away from time to time (for example, when he does not obey), he concludes: love must be fought for.
Jealousy of brothers and sisters also causes a desire to fight, especially if one of the parents shows that he loves the younger or older child more. The desire to fight also arises when the parents themselves show the child a strong desire for competition.
The future thirst for rivalry in a couple is formed in a child in conflict with a parent of the opposite sex. This happens, for example, when a girl wants her mother to divorce her father or stepfather, when the father drinks, he raises his hand to his daughter. As a result, the girl wants to push the man into the background. As an adult, she chooses just such a scenario for family relationships. In the same way, the desire to compete with a woman arises in a boy who has experienced serious conflicts with his mother.
Battle of the sexes
The rivalry of spouses is most often manifested in the desire to prove to the partner the significance of their achievements — in career and finances, in credibility with friends and children, in personal success. This pattern of behavior is destructive and gradually destroys relationships.
A woman can initially choose a weak man as a partner in order to surpass him externally, intellectually, financially and assert herself at his expense. Demonstrating her superiority to a man, she underestimates his male ego.
A man, in order to rise against the background of a woman, criticizes her for any reason, deliberately does not say compliments, does not do household chores, making it clear that this is her duty, because she is not capable of anything else.
The union of two leaders often turns into a daily competition: at work, at home, in the kitchen, in bed
For a woman, such a distribution of roles in the family is not as destructive as for a man who is forced to remain in the shadow of a strong wife. Sooner or later, he will get tired of proving something and either go to another who will listen to him, understand, praise him, or lie on the sofa and completely stop participating in family life.
The other extreme is when two strong and purposeful people enter into a relationship. The union of two leaders often turns into a daily competition: at work, at home, in the kitchen, in bed. The situation is aggravated if both hold leadership positions.
What to do?
1. Relationships are always collaboration. You need to learn to praise a partner, see his strengths, consult with him.
2. Partners should support and rejoice, and not envy each other’s successes. If a feeling of envy still arises, you need to reconsider what you are doing: develop your strengths, do what brings pleasure.
3. A man and a woman create a couple to complement each other. Someone is better in one, someone in another, and that’s fine.
4. It is important to learn to talk to each other, to immediately report what worries and offends in the behavior of a partner. Perhaps he does not even notice that, returning home from the office, he continues to speak in raised tones and lead.
The secret of a long-term relationship is that there is no main thing in such a pair. The contribution of both is valuable and important, and the partners understand, care for and support each other.