Reverse psychology is a technique of manipulation. It consists in asking an interlocutor resistant to your requests, to do the opposite of what you think. The goal is that he ends up doing exactly what you want out of a spirit of contradiction. In which cases to use this method? With who ? Why shouldn’t it be abused? Answers.

Convincing a person to do something by telling them to do the opposite is reverse psychology. How is it possible ? This passive manipulation technique appeals to the reactance and curiosity of our interlocutor. Reactance is a psychological defense mechanism that our interlocutor puts in place to maintain his freedom of action at all costs when he thinks it is threatened. Out of a spirit of contradiction, he will then want to do the exact opposite of what is asked of him. Hence the interest of asking him exactly the opposite of what you would like him to do. Be careful, for this to work, the person must have the impression that they are making the decision on their own. At no time should she feel influenced. If so, you have failed.

This technique is most often used with people who are difficult to convince. These are likely to have the spirit of contradiction. Using reverse psychology with a conciliatory person is unnecessary since that person is generally receptive to direct requests. 

Two qualities are necessary for the good practice of reverse psychology: patience and composure. Psychology is not a quick fix: it doesn’t always work and convincing the other person can take time.

Reverse psychology has proven itself in different fields: 

• In education. In the midst of construction, children and adolescents like to test adults and affirm their choices using the spirit of contradiction. As parents, using reverse psychology for small, everyday things can be very helpful.
• In psychotherapy. Wanting someone to change by constantly asking them to change is sometimes counterproductive. On the other hand, telling him that he is right to stay in this situation by subtly evoking all the negative consequences that it entails can on the contrary make him change his mind.
• In advertising / marketing. Marketers and advertisers often use reverse psychology to titillate consumers’ curiosity and urge to transgress. The goal is to attract them to a place where they wouldn’t normally go and behind which there is a product or service to buy.
• In the couple. You do not agree on a subject (purchase, choice of a movie to see at the cinema, problem with the children…)? Try to get the other to come to your side by telling them the opposite of what you think. His willingness not to give in to you will take him to the opposite of what you are expressing.

To better understand how reverse psychology works, here are some concrete examples. These are just possible applications of reverse psychology, that doesn’t mean they always work.

The situation : your child does not want to eat his vegetables. 

How to use the reverse psychology method? Tell him that vegetables are only for adults, that he can’t eat them (without making him another side dish instead). The child will then wonder why he cannot eat it and want to break this rule. Bingo, you (maybe) managed to get him to eat vegetables!

The situation : with your spouse, you are invited to two events on the same evening: a friend’s housewarming or the inauguration of a trendy restaurant. But you don’t agree on which one you will go to. He prefers the rack and you the trendy restaurant.

How to use the reverse psychology method? Pretend to want to go to the rack too while denigrating the opening of the restaurant but with arguments that, you know, will please him: “Yes, they will provide a whole bunch of fatty food. Besides, it’s open-bar, everyone will be drunk at midnight. And then as they bring this famous DJ, the music will be too loud, we will not hear each other speak”. And there you have it, you will have succeeded in making your option more attractive than his.

Like any type of manipulation, reverse psychology is not without risk. Indeed, it can have negative consequences on the relations which you maintain with the manipulated person (s). Better to use it sparingly and to ask for things that are of little importance. Using this technique on a regular basis with the same person is dangerous. Eventually, the manipulated person may notice this and no longer have confidence in you. By realizing that she is not free in her decision-making, the victim can develop resentment towards you. Mistrust eventually sets in and the relationship is weakened. Therefore, reverse psychology should not be seen as a means of communication but as a fallback in certain low-stake situations.