A primary reaction mechanism anchored in the human brain for millennia, revenge arises from an impulse from our unconscious.

From the very beginning of our life, we have felt the urge to make others feel what we are experiencing ourselves: guilt, fear, sadness, anger, etc.What we have experienced makes us want to send it back to whoever inflicted it on us, good or bad. From this principle of reciprocity can arise the desire for revenge. But what is the difference between these desires for reciprocity, waking up with the unconscious memories of our childhood, and the real revenge that we take following immense, unbearable pain, hurting us deeply? Where does the desire to take revenge and take action come from?

From the Latin “vindicare” (to claim in justice) and justice of “judicare” (to say the right), revenge, act of harming a person in order to obtain redress for an act deemed offensive, is a behavior rooted in humans since the primate era. Even our chimpanzee cousins ​​seem to know the rule of “reciprocal altruism”, rendering to the other the same services rendered that one could benefit from. But the rule of the rendering of acts is valid in positive as in negative, and they then patiently wait for the hour of revenge in order to reciprocate.

This rather negative reflex, acquired over thousands of generations, however, had the advantage of being able to defend oneself, at the time when hominids were organized into clans. Revenge, once applied as an act of justice by the law of Talion, has since evolved. A powerful instinctual and emotional force, it takes root in an unbearable pain, a deep wound, which we do not see how we could heal other than by returning the favor to the one who made it to us. It is also an emotion that crystallized after a bad experience, from which we came out upset, transformed. It is then the anger which arises, and which will mobilize us to repair the affront. This is the starting point for revenge.

Anger feeds the desire for revenge, but also soothes the wound in a way, since we are self-reassured that we will find a way to take revenge, without lulling the intolerable side of the affront to sleep. The imagination of revenge makes it possible to transform intolerable emotion into pleasant emotion. Even though the adage goes that “revenge is eaten cold”, there is an urgency to react, an obsession to fix what has offended us so deeply. We promise ourselves not to forget, nor to let everyday life, compromises or a lack of courage prevent us from following our revenge. We are still in violence, paralyzed in our desire for revenge.

Aristotle wrote: “Every movement of anger is followed by pleasure due to the hope of revenge. It is indeed pleasant to think that we will get what we want… A certain pleasure also follows anger because we mentally live our revenge: there is then a representation that causes pleasure, just like that of dreams ” .

It is the pleasure and the possibility of regaining confidence and coming out grown up that fuels the desire for revenge.

We often promise each other after having suffered an affront, undergone humiliation or violent acts, verbally or physically: we will return the favor, in order to make the other suffer at least as much as we do. This promise is relieving, but even more revenge, in the moment. Revenge makes it possible to relieve suffering at once, but only temporarily. We free ourselves from a weight, we feel lighter, almost proud to have been able to defend ourselves. Our confidence is boosted, and we feel a sense of justice, omnipotence and pleasure. But these feelings are largely transient and some time later, we face the anxious ruminations, sadness and frustration.

This urge to revenge would therefore only relieve in the short term, with the result, even more regret and suffering after having satisfied it.

Despite our strong urge to return the pain he inflicted on us to the sender, it would be beneficial to transform the anger we feel into more positive energy, in order to cut short all the negative effects of revenge.

As a first step, it is advisable to make a point, in writing or with oral assistance (with a professional or a friend) on the reasons of our anger, and our desire to pass to act to act. revenge. The fact of laying flat and identifying our suffering allows an expulsion of frustrations. Then, it is necessary to find a way to transform this energy, by deploying it towards something else: a sport, a passion, a hobby. This then allows us to assert ourselves, even in suffering and to be proud of having surpassed our primary drive. Being in revenge rather than revenge allows you to move on with more serenity. In revenge, we show the other, without making him suffer, that we are above the harm he has done us, by showing himself to be strong, in good physical and mental health, an actor in his life. Going forward, carrying out your projects, being worthy, will allow an exit from the top of the suffering felt.