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Change last name? Go on a long voyage? Sometimes we are seized by the urge to rewrite ourselves cleanly. We can ignore it – or we can listen and find a new meaning.
Many of us from time to time come up with the idea to change something in our lives, but few really dare to do so. We do not dare to change the familiar route, we do not want to sacrifice comfort, we are afraid of misunderstanding of relatives, friends, colleagues, we are afraid to simply find ourselves in an unfamiliar place.
The desire to escape from yourself may seem infantile. But, firstly, this is not always the case: sometimes we find ourselves in a perfectly tuned machine of our own life, and we get bored. There is no challenge.
We find ourselves in the position of the Hemulen collector from Tove Jansson’s The Wizard’s Hat, who suddenly realizes that his stamp collection is perfect and now he has nothing to strive for.
Secondly, finding a new “assembly point” helps if we have lost contact with our true desires. The very process of recognizing and “living in” a new role can help you discover unusual talents and abilities that were previously buried under the weight of habits and obligations.
Before you take action, it is important to prepare.
Realize if you really need to change
As with other major decisions (to get married, have a child, get an education), the decision to change lives can be forced. If you’re ready to give up your life because your partner doesn’t like it or doesn’t align with your peers, that’s cause for concern: Is it really valuable to you?
Ask yourself: who wants you to change? You or your parents, partner, friends? Why do you want to change? Do you find that you stand out too much from the background in which you live, and, on the contrary, want to pass for your own?
When you decide to break with the past, think about responsibility. If you move to another country, will you be able to take care of parents who need care? Do you have things to complete that need to be completed? Or maybe it is because of the unwillingness to solve these cases that you want to change the situation?
Make a plan
It is not necessary to schedule actions five years in advance. You are doing this for yourself and are only accountable to yourself. But a common plan of action is still needed. It will help keep the situation under control.
Think about what scenario would suit you. If you want to change jobs and build a career in a new field, determine for yourself what intermediate achievement will be significant for you.
Thinking of plunging into a new culture – make a list of books that will help you, and find the addresses of centers where you can get support and find like-minded people.
Get a Support Group
Doing things alone is always harder. It is good if there are those with whom you can share your thoughts, discuss doubts and fears, and from whom you can get feedback. It can be people from your past, an old friend you can rely on, a person whose opinion you value.
Even if you are far away, the very feeling of a reliable rear will relieve anxiety and give strength in moments of doubt.
Get ready for the unexpected
Feeling fear, apprehension, anxiety, standing on the threshold of change, is normal. The one who dared to change his life is waiting for numerous traps, and you need to be prepared for this.
Fear of leaving the familiar
Everything has its price. By abandoning old habits, we part with familiar sensations and can scare away those who shared these habits with us.
If you are determined to become a vegan, give up alcohol, or rebuild your life in accordance with any spiritual practice, talk to those who have already gone through this. Take small steps, don’t take on too much.
Remember: willpower can weaken, but even a small indulgence (if you do not plan it in your plan) can undermine confidence.
Fear of being branded as an eccentric
Many of us are afraid of cardinal changes, because they don’t want to hear from others: “What happened to you?”, “I don’t recognize you”, “And how long ago did you go overboard?”.
If you notice this fear behind you, think of misunderstanding or rejection as a sign of attention. You are singled out – it means that you have an individuality. You made a bold decision, and others appreciated it.
Think of answers to possible questions, but do not take this as an excuse. Let it be something like a press release for the curious: why did you make such a decision, what do you want and what can be expected from you.
Fear of getting lost
Often those who decide to drastically change their lives choose the most radical path. Pack your bags and move to another country by pointing your finger at the globe. To plunge headlong into a new environment, where everything is different, there are no annoying conventions and rules. Decorate the whole body with tattoos.
But some control is still needed. By devaluing your old attachments, experiences, those things that bring you joy, you can become a prisoner of your new image. Therefore, before you decide to change, accept your integrity.
Everything that you have done and are doing is your unique experience of mastering the world, and this is why it is valuable. By choosing to move in a new direction, you are not burning bridges – you are building them.
Where to start?
Sometimes we painfully want to get out of the hackneyed rut and plunge into a new environment. But where exactly can you find it? Dori Clark, author of Rethinking Yourself, offers a few steps to get you started.
Take a look around. What are people talking about around you? What do your friends repost on Facebook? What are your children interested in? We usually don’t notice opportunities because they are not relevant to us. But if you’re ready for something new, it’s time to start picking up the signals.
Become a student. The main problem that we face on a sharp turn is that we lose the feeling of experience and again feel like a beginner. It’s actually not that scary. Volunteering, internships, educational courses are a chance to plunge into a new environment. Surrender to the feeling of novelty, and inspiration will come by itself.
Look for resources within yourself. Many find the source of renewal in their past experiences. Perhaps you enjoyed doing something before, but then had to abandon it. Maybe some door was closed for you, and now life has given you the key (or you yourself made a master key). Think about what is left on the periphery of your life. If an old passion is ready to flare up with renewed vigor, throw some wood on the fire.
Engage old connections. People with whom you have not communicated for a long time may at some point turn out to be your guides. Do not lock them in chests with yellowed photographs – at some point, it is those who are not included in your inner circle that can become a source of new ideas.