Children stomp cheerfully one after another along the playground to the slide. There are solid wooden railings around, all mothers look at the children half an eye from a couple of meters.
One baby swayed on an inclined slope, she herself did not pay attention to it, but her mother … How she rushed to her daughter … Have you seen falconry? A frightening resemblance. And the voice acting is almost the same. Even I was scared, just standing nearby. What can we say about the girl!
The closest and most significant being to her, her mother, ran up to her with a strangled cry, took her small hands in her trembling hands and, looking into her eyes, asked with indescribable fear: “Are you all right? Aren’t you scared??»
For example, I was scared. And the baby, feeling the state of the mother, just burst into tears. Mom hugged her. Straight to my pounding heart.
Have you ever wanted to know how childhood fears are born? Often it is.
It happens that the child of a restless mother is frightened himself. If suddenly it remains for a couple of minutes without comprehensive patronage and vigilant supervision. Then the mother can only reinforce the fear that has already arisen with her attention (to fear), pity and sentences like “he is afraid of flies (birds, darkness, etc.) ..”
For a restless mother, raising a calm child is like teaching an antelope a pelican to fly. And catch fish 🙂
We determined to ourselves: yes, there is such a restless me. Do you want a child calm and without neuroses out of the blue? And what to do?
1. Remove all obvious causes of anxiety. Plugs into sockets, rearrange the vase, calmly talk with your mother-in-law about what the child can and cannot do. It will help slightly, situationally, but it will give you the opportunity to move on.
2. Teach yourself voluntary relaxation, such as autogenic training. Accustom yourself to relaxing all the muscles that are not involved in maintaining the posture — remember, emotions live in the body. They sat on a chair, squeezed and crumpled — you feel constrained and awkward. Teach yourself a bodily corset of calm confidence — Royal Posture. That is, we don’t “swallow a stake”, but we spread our shoulders like wings, we hold our heads high … Here are all breathing exercises and meditative practices, yoga, fitness, even morning exercises.
Just START. Take a notebook, describe in as much detail as possible your level of anxiety for today. The more numbers and concrete examples, the better. “Felt anxious about my son for two hours a day” or “quickened her pace to check what was happening to him five times” and so on.
For a month, start the day with light exercise or breathing exercises, walk (with your head held high! :), for example, yoga twice a week and do autogenic training in the evenings. Describe your level of anxiety again and compare it to the notes from a month ago.
The best motivator is your own success. Personally, we grow gradually, and often we ourselves do not notice it. Records are needed to see the dynamics, to realize this growth.
3. The most important thing is to occupy yourself with something other than caring for and supervising a child, often the only one or «the only little one at the moment.» Mothers of many children practically do not suffer from anxiety — they have no time. Even those who have a favorite hobby are less «obsessed». Most reliable are big goals that include but are not limited to children.
What did you dream about in your childhood, youth? Is it really just about restlessly running after the baby around the playground and blowing dust particles off him? Remember what you were aiming for. Build a bridge to your dream from specific plans and go! Take at least part of your head and soul with this. And the children … It is much better for them to go to the goal next to you than to watch the «dance» of their parents around them.
When parents are completely focused on raising their children and are only concerned with fussing over their interests, what will they teach children? That’s right — the fact that the whole world is obliged to revolve around them. Any other state of affairs is perceived as «wrong and unfair.» And it also begins to seem to children that mothers simply have nothing to do, so they «cling».
Teach your kids to be calm, fit, and confident by example.
Go to the goal, work on yourself, achieve success first of all yourself.
Let the children be there, watching, proud of your successes, and you are sure to be proud of them, even if they are small achievements.
Talk to them like adults, at any age.
You won’t have time to look back, as adults will be nearby — strong, smart, with their bold plans for life.
And a huge gratitude for those few hours of daily communication that you allocated to them in your busy schedule.