It is believed that mother’s love is she immediately. She is selfless, unlimited and unconditional. And dad’s instincts wake up later. Then his father’s work begins. But no. This is a myth that every family will have to destroy on their own.
Svetlana and Sergey very often discussed how their unborn baby would grow. They already knew: there will be a boy.
“We’ll go fishing with him,” Sergei dreamed. – Go to the park for a run, play football.
Sveta nodded in agreement. She liked everything her husband said.
Kirill is born. The parents were happy. But at some point, it seemed to Sveta that Sergei … let’s just say he was taking time off from his “parental” responsibilities.
– Maximum, maybe 15 minutes to look after him while I go into the shower, – the young mother complains to her friends. – Comes home from work, plays with him a little. And that’s all.
Sergei has his own truth. The man says: his paternal role will begin when the baby grows up a little.
“Now what can I do,” he shrugs. – He needs something to eat and sleep. This is for mom. He’ll grow up a little, and I’ll take care of him.
Indeed, it is believed that a man does not immediately penetrate his paternity. But our expert is sure: the parents simply could not agree.
– Even before giving birth, you need to discuss who is ready to do what. If it is easier for you, make a general list, advise that a man is ready to take on from this. Yes, you spend more time with your baby. But in return, your husband can relieve you of some of the household responsibilities. Moreover, the list should be clear, if necessary – with instructions.
“He’s so small and fragile, I’m even afraid to touch him,” our hero voices another classic male fear. – God forbid, I will drop or break something. It will grow up a little, get stronger, and then it will not be so dangerous.
For the same reason, young dads are afraid to stay with the crumbs at home, especially if this is their first such experience in their life. Why is he crying? How to feed him? How to heat milk? No, let the wife herself be better …
– Let dad help you in every little thing: hold, change, bring. So he will get used to it faster. If possible, it is better to send a man in advance to courses for young fathers. I can say from my own experience that now they are becoming more and more popular. Once in an environment where there are all the same young fathers around and the occupation, as in our case, is led by a man, the future father perceives information better. In addition, she masters all the same basic skills of caring for a baby as a mother, which means she can deal with a child on an equal basis with her.
Here is another typical situation. In the first weeks of the baby’s life, the mother turns almost into a tigress, not allowing anyone to approach him. All by herself, only herself! As a result, when the darkness subsides and the woman begins to really need help, there is no one else to wait for her. And here it makes no sense to be offended by your husband: you yourself taught him to be “independent.”
– Don’t wait for dad to figure out what needs to be done. Do not be offended. Just ask him for help. Yes, of course, you’d better wash the floor, dust off, change the diaper. But now it is more important that this has been done at all. And do not forget to simply and sincerely thank him. Yes, this is his duty, but gratitude will be pleasant.
Before…
1. Give the man bags of groceries, do not move anything heavier than a chair, and even more so do not start a rearrangement yourself. This is at least dangerous.
2. Delegate the order in the apartment to your spouse. And this is not a joke, but a very urgent problem for the third trimester of pregnancy. For some, washing the dishes turns into a nightmare due to the heaviness in the legs, while for some it is hard to clean the floor.
3. By the way, the heaviness in the legs makes it difficult to stand in lines. In addition, in all bureaucratic places it can be hot, stuffy and generally not very pleasant. Therefore, if the question, for example, payment of receipts has not yet been transferred online, then transfer this task to the man.
4. If there are older children in the family, hand over the responsibilities regarding their circles and sections. It’s not so easy to dash around the city all day, especially when there is no personal car. Well, at least you will exclude situations when the fights begin between the wrestling section and the music school.
…and after
5. General cleaning while a young mother with her baby is in the hospital. Don’t worry, dad can handle it. Well, and then, as we said above, help around the house.
6. Registration of documents and manuals. Obtain a birth certificate, issue some payments. Yes, your personal presence is often needed, but the young father can definitely prepare the necessary documents, find out the work schedule.
7. Baby bathing. This is communication, which is so lacking for a baby with a dad, if he works, and a guarantee of the health of your back. Because the task is physically difficult.
8. Shopping. At first, it is better to bypass them with the side of the stroller, especially if the baby was born in the “cold” period.
9. Evening walks with the baby. If the regime allows and dad’s state after work, then feel free to hand the stroller in your hands, and you have an hour of free time for yourself. The same thing on the day off. Maybe they noticed: on Saturday mornings there are only men in parks with strollers?
10. Classes with older children. Lessons, read, play. And the point is not even that children should not feel left out. A baby is a baby, but you will not forget about their affairs either. And the young mother really does not have enough time for this.