Resilience Workshop V: How to learn from what has been lived in a constructive way

Resilience Workshop V: How to learn from what has been lived in a constructive way

Psychology

In this fifth installment of his Resilience Workshop, the psychologist Tomás Navarro teaches the readers of ABC Bienestar the steps to learn constructively from the experiences we have lived

Fourth installment: This is the attitude that really helps to overcome problems

PM3:10

Experience is useless if we are not able to learn from the experience. Well, learning we always learn, but sometimes we don’t learn constructively. From a disappointment in love, some people learn to analyze people better and others learn that love hurts and that it is not worth loving intensely.

One of those two learnings is constructive, the other does not. But what do we need to do to learn from what has been lived in a constructive and resilient way? Depending on the evaluations we make of what happens to us, we can extract constructive learning or rush to our conclusions, adopt a tremendous attitude or fall into desolation or self-pity.

Nothing of the

 what happens is in vain if we are able to learn from it, from what happened to us, from suffering what we feel and about pain what caused us; But sometimes we ourselves are our own worst judge, judging and punishing ourselves mercilessly from a hasty conclusion. We believe that we deserve to suffer for some adversity that we are suffering or that we believe we have caused and we abandon ourselves to suffering.

I would like to share with you some steps to learn from what has been lived in a constructive and resilient way.

1. Give a new meaning to what has been lived

It gives a new meaning to what has been lived free of guilt and shame. The emotions they are born from our perceptions and also from our inner dialogue. So what is your inner dialogue? What do you say to yourself? Are you blaming yourself? Well, you should know that, if so, you are punishing yourself senselessly. Look at what happened to analyze what happened with the perspective you have now and thus be able to definitively close the drawer in which you keep what happened.

2. Greet yourself nicely

There is no worse judge than yourself. We punish ourselves with an unrealistic demand, we apologize to others for what we are unable to forgive in ourselves, and we treat each other badly. Pay special attention to your intimate reports, to your inner language, to the questions you ask yourself, to the origin and cause of what has happened to you, as well as to what you have to understand, learn and do in order to overcome adversity.

3. Reinterpret your past

You are now wiser, so you can reinterpret your past with more perspective. Redefine your past and contextualize what happened to you. Try to understand what you experienced with a new perspective.

4. Forgive and forgive yourself

Save the good memories and the rest is obvious. It is better than that time that you are going to spend in removing vague memories, distorted images and confusing facts mixed with opinions and confabulations you dedicate to drawing your future.

5. Recognize yourself and give yourself a chance

Recognize yourself, rebuild yourself and give yourself a chance. The past, past is. What you have lived explains some things in your life, but it is only an influence, do not forget it. Do not consider that your past conditions your whole life. The lived does not have to condition your present nor your future.

6. Review the routines that you have integrated

Sometimes we do strange things to show ourselves that we are strong, that we were able to overcome a situation and that we will not go through it again. Be careful with the routines you incorporate, as they may seem good on the surface, but sometimes they don’t. If you need to, do a symbolic act that reminds you of how strong you have been, but never how much you have suffered. Your routines have to be positive and show your ability to compose yourself.

What have you learned from what happened to you? Before incorporating something as a lesson make sure that what you incorporate is real, that is, that it is free of biases and distortions. Learn well from what happened, since what you conclude you will incorporate into your inner dialogue and will become part of your frame of reference before life as the official version of events.