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“When for the kids?”, “And the second, third … do you want the fifth?”, “You have a girl, now for your son!”. Tactless people everywhere, always sticking their noses into other people’s business. It would never occur to them that one such question could be a real blow to a single girl who dreams of meeting her love and becoming a mother. For those who have been struggling with infertility for many years or consciously choose to live without children. Let’s see why a woman is not obliged to give birth.
Reason number 1 — medical
In 2018, a statistic caught my eye: in our country, for every 100 thousand women from 18 to 49 years old, 274 have infertility. That is, there is a great chance that your interlocutor wants, but cannot have children. Every time you open your mouth to ask: «When for a baby?» — think. You show not only tactlessness and bad manners, but also cruelty.
Reason number 2 — mental
Suppose a woman does not want children. Her body is her business. She has the right to decide for herself. And there is nothing terrible in this. For demographics, of course, not very good, but nothing — those who want and can do it.
Reason #3 — Evolutionary
Now they give birth later, especially in large cities. The trend comes from European countries. First get on your feet, then start a family, buy a house, and only then — children.
In addition, in the online world, loneliness has become an acute problem. The pandemic has exacerbated the situation. Young (and not so young) people sit at home and suffer from loneliness. And then a neighbor, aunt or “kind” classmate climbs with questions about personal and children. Unpleasant.
Reason #4 — financial
Children are very expensive, I tell you as a mother. And it is logical that many are afraid to take on such responsibility. Of course, government support measures to help, but you can’t go wild on them.
The reason №5 is the fashion for childlessness
Yes, childfree communities are not numerous, but they are quite active in propaganda.
What to do if you are constantly asked tactless questions about children?
Learn to uphold personal boundaries. For example:
“I won’t answer this question, I think it’s too personal”
“And for what purpose are you interested?”
“Tell me, when are you behind the third, fifth, tenth? ..”
Most likely, your answer will cause indignation. But on the other hand, the one who asked will remember that it’s better not to climb on you. From the point of view of psychology, tactless questions are asked by those who have a strong inner critical parent. They teach life, give advice, condemn — not only you, but also themselves.
Some ask out of curiosity, being in the position of “I am a child”, for which (supposedly!) there are no taboo topics. These people love to be offended. But you shouldn’t feel guilty about not living up to someone else’s expectations. The higher the degree of your self-confidence, the less intrusions of outsiders into your life.
Finishing this article, I want to wish everyone to be more sensitive to others. Instead of idle questions, compliment the person and wish them luck.
As for my motherhood, this is the best thing that happened in my life. At the same time, I am terribly annoyed by the question: “Do you want more children?” I want happiness, love and a number of harmonious people who don’t poke their noses where they shouldn’t.