“Relax and start working on yourself”

Having mastered different types of meditation for 25 years, our expert is now engaged in the practice of mindfulness. It is an opportunity to bring our attention back to the present moment and stay in it relaxed and nonjudgmental. These activities reduce anxiety and help you stay in touch with yourself. We asked psychologist Anastasia Gosteva to explain how and under what conditions it works.

Psychologies: Peace in the ordinary sense and tranquility in meditation – are they different things?

Anastasia Gosteva: In ordinary life, for many, peace is a mode of disconnection from active life. We are tired, we have no strength, and then we lie down on the sofa or go for a walk in the park. That is, we take our attention away from the world and thanks to this we become calmer – there are fewer contacts, fewer emotions. At first glance, it looks like meditative peace – many go on retreats to be silent, meditate and reduce activity to a minimum. But this is at first glance. Because the peace that we can come to in the course of meditation is the mode of full inclusion in life!

This is a productive and resourceful state in which consciousness is not turned off, but simply works in a different mode.

And suddenly we discover that we are in the world, but not of the world – we are at peace even in the midst of the crowd. It takes years of meditation to live like this, but we can feel brief glimpses of this peace even at the beginning of the practice.

But sometimes meditation itself becomes a source of anxiety. A person wants to achieve peace, but instead he panics: “I do not feel peace! It’s not possible to meditate “correctly!”

It happens often. The problem is our cultural attitudes. We are convinced that in order to develop, you cannot stand still, you need to do something all the time. In a highly competitive world, it seems that if you stop, you lose. From early childhood we do not know peace, we do not know how to be alone with ourselves.

When we are offered: “Just sit and watch the wall of your stomach move during breathing for 15 minutes,” we immediately begin to feel guilty and anxious because we are wasting time or not getting an instant effect.

But development always comes from a point of rest. Zen master Suzuki Roshi told his students in America, “You are already perfect. But a little work on yourself won’t hurt. This is a very important message: you are already all right. There is no cause for alarm. Relax and, if you decide to work on yourself, do it easily and joyfully.

Is being on your own helpful?

Complete solitude can be very effective if we are prepared for it. Many today are so dependent on visual stimuli, on social networks, that they are simply not able to be alone with themselves. I know cases when, after cutting off all contact with the outside world and going into retreat, a person experienced a panic attack or found himself in a state of nervous breakdown.

Once I talked with an Orthodox monk in Montenegro. He is an icon painter, single-handedly restored and painted a monastery of stunning beauty. And he said: if you go into seclusion, there must be a craft. Because if you don’t know what to do with yourself, the mind confuses you. It seems to me that this is sound advice – in solitude there should be time for both practice and work. Then it will bring peace.

Are there any other ways to restore your peace of mind?

Communication with nature, any bodily practices that return our attention to the sensations of the body and allow us to retrain the nervous system through work with it – yoga, Hanna’s somatics, the Feldenkrais method. But if you are doing yoga, and at the same time thinking about a work project, this mental work will not give you rest.

How to include practice in your schedule if time is short?

Everyone is looking for their own ways. Customize your practice. Love sports and movement – master the meditative movement. Walk in the woods with your dog, go home every day for an hour on the train – meditate in this environment. Organize situations in which the practice becomes not just another burden in a busy life, but moments of peace and joy.

And create a supportive environment: look for people and social circles that will help you find this peace. For example, arrange with your husband or wife, children, friends to practice together. Start going to group classes. Study with a teacher online. The environment affects our way of life – this is confirmed by research.

What should you pay attention to when starting classes?

I am close to the integral approach, which offers to consider any phenomenon systematically. There are your personal beliefs, psyche, values. Do you believe that you have to work hard from morning to night and earn everything you can? Or that harmony and health are more important, and you are ready to miss something for this? Finally, do you feel like an authentic, whole person, or do you feel inner anxiety, emptiness, trouble?

Philosopher John Welwood sees the cause of this anxiety in the “trauma of dislike”: a person who did not receive unconditional love and acceptance in childhood does something all his life and runs somewhere to get this love.

And then the practice of meditation also becomes deeper.

There are objective factors: health, hormonal levels, the state of the autonomic system, age. And it can also be useful to pay attention to them: if you have anemia, then there will be little strength for meditation. And then, starting practice, you need to take this into account. Someone is easily excited, while the other is calm by nature. Studying these factors, changing diet, sleep patterns, and exercise can be supportive.

How long do you have to meditate to feel peace?

It’s very individual. But there is such scientific evidence: 30 minutes of daily practice in a month changes the way the brain works. It becomes easier for us to be at rest. Sitting down to meditate, we already feel less anxiety and more peace, clarity and harmony.