Relationships after a breakup: how to build them?

Enough time has passed since the moment you broke up with your partner, and it seems like you could think about a new relationship. But! Just the thought of meeting another person terrifies you. Familiar situation?

It takes a lot of courage to start a new relationship after a breakup, divorce, or a difficult breakup. Perhaps you are in a state of “I want to fall in love, but I’m afraid.” Or it’s just that a lot of time has passed since you last met or met someone.

Letting a stranger into your life is not easy, but according to our experts, there are undeniable advantages in this. It is at this time that the opportunity arises to create for oneself a different, happier future.

Assess the prospect

Before you plunge headlong into the maelstrom of a new relationship, you should take a break and evaluate the possible prospects. To do this, you need to analyze previous relationships, understand what exactly went wrong and why the relationship broke up. By doing so, you increase the chances that you will be able to avoid it next time.

“It is very important to evaluate your role in the fact that the relationship did not work out,” explains Elena Ulitova, a family therapist. Ask yourself: when did you and your partner have the most serious misunderstandings? What was the most common cause of quarrels? Could you now, when the emotional intensity is lowered, do something differently? Honest answers will help build a relationship after a breakup so that you don’t make the same mistakes.

Think about what strengthened the relationship and what hindered it. People tend to change everything at once, but you don’t want to destroy everything at the same time, do you? Therefore, it is extremely important to analyze not only the problems and difficulties, but also to carefully consider the good that was in the relationship.

“And also to understand what of what the partner gave you, we can get today ourselves, and why we need other people,” comments Elena Ulitova. There is something in any love connection that allows it to be, even if after a while the relationship breaks up.

What did you like about your ex-partner? Why did you choose it? Which of his positive qualities would you like to see in your new partner? The more clearly you imagine the image of the one you want to see next to you, the easier it will be for you to understand when meeting a new person whether you have a joint future or not.

Prepare for a meeting

Meeting a new worthy partner is always good luck, and you can’t know exactly when it will happen. But it is up to you to prepare for this meeting.

Start small. For example, register on a dating site, tell your friends that you are ready for a new relationship, announce to everyone your new status – “I want to fall in love”! .. The more people know that you are in search, the more likely it is that among the circle their acquaintances may turn out to be an interested person.

Come up with a profile that you could post on a dating site. Do it anyway, even if you don’t want to register there: it will help you feel like a person who is ready for a relationship. The next stage of work: ask your friends to make your portrait. Let them, without false modesty, describe all your virtues.

You need to work on increasing self-esteem, remembering those moments in your biography that were successful.

And also set yourself realistic goals. “Don’t demand grandiose success from yourself,” says the therapist. “Sometimes it’s enough to wash the dishes or go on business to feel like a winner. Don’t be afraid to praise yourself. Look for confirmation that everything is in order with you.

The next step: try to determine what you want from a relationship, what you can give to another, what is fundamentally important for you at a new stage in life … If you take these questions seriously, the answers to them will help you understand yourself and protect yourself from those with who is not on your way.

Open to new

Perhaps your heart has already been broken once. Perhaps the breakup was due to the fact that the ex said or did unpleasant things. Make the decision to leave it in the past and move on. It may take some time, but once you allow yourself to leave the burden of problems and suffering and turn the page, the “I want to fall in love” plan, with all the ensuing consequences of romantic dates and meetings, will begin to materialize.

Try not to be defensive when meeting a new person. If, out of fear of rejection or self-doubt, you do not allow yourself to open up, to be yourself, it will be difficult for another to understand what you want. Be open, friendly and relaxed. Try not to think only about what impression you make.

Your companion most likely feels just as anxious and insecure. If you show your interest in meeting, be attentive to the interlocutor, start asking questions, you will certainly make a good impression.