“Am I creating more problems for my partner or am I more of a problem solver? From me they become less or more?
This is one of the most important questions in a relationship. Ideally, it should be asked by each of the partners. And preferably as often as possible.
Paying attention to your role and your contribution to the relationship will already move you forward. In doing so, you increase your mindfulness and awareness. This means that you will be able to see the value of this role and the consequences of its application. If everything is good — fix and strengthen. If you would like better — correct or completely change.
Notice I’m talking about an opportunity for change, the first step of which is to see what’s going on. But I’m not saying that this question alone will solve your problems.
What are the difficulties and how to solve them?
The wrong way of thinking is to fall into self-flagellation and despondency that you do not correspond to the level of an ideal person who never creates problems for anyone. Such people simply do not exist, relax.
We are all different. We have different priorities, different desires, needs are manifested in different ways. One way or another, in contact with each other, conflicts of interest are created, which people call problems (not to be confused with tasks). Therefore, we do not strive to become problem-free. We strive to have a significant advantage on the “problem solving” side, and not on the “problem making” side. Do you get the gist? Fabulous!
At the first stage of work, it is important to ask yourself: “What can I do today so that there are fewer problems from me?” Determine at least five points and systematically begin to implement it. Competent people will write it down in a diary, checklist, or other reminder that suits them best.
For example, these could be the following items:
- stop complaining (or at least reduce complaints from ten to five a day);
- wash the dishes behind you so as not to put it on the partner’s shoulders
- think about something good before entering home, so that you come already with a smile
- reduce the number of disputes
- agree more with partner, object less
- stop pressing and demanding, more asking and encouraging;
… etc.
After a week, write down five more points, answering the question: “How can I help my partner solve his problems?” It doesn’t have to be something over the top. Some small but useful actions will do. Believe me — taking five small steps, but regularly, is much better than deploying a huge rescue operation, but for a couple of days. Turn off maximalism, wisdom is in simplicity!
- stop distracting your partner over trifles when he is busy with important things
- ask if my help is needed and what it can be
- take on some of the simple routine work
- inspire confidence in a partner, reinforce his success with his joy
- give the partner the right gifts (useful and necessary for the partner, and not those that you like).
It is enough to write down five simple points, simple things. And most importantly, put it into practice every day. And then positive changes will not keep you waiting!