Building relationships is a creative process and not an easy one, especially when it comes to the limitations of family life.
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When a relationship is bad, people want to fix it. But usually people build them up to the level of good relationships, not to the level of well-established ones. There are no conflicts, there is sympathy — hooray! And the fact that you do not understand each other well, there are no clear expectations and agreements — so far no one is worried.
To improve your relationship
- Figure it out, decide what you want: your goals and values in a relationship.
Common family goals are one of the main elements of strength, which at some stage becomes the main one. For example, do you feel loved when you are told this? Or when they give you gifts? Or maybe you don’t need gifts, but just to be around and receive signs of attention? Keep in mind that someone does not need this for love, but something completely different: help in business, worldly care. See →
- Understand, decide in what specific forms and scenarios you need all this,
Basically, you got sick. And what should relatives do at this time? One patient needs and wants to be approached every minute, brought hot tea, sat next to him and taken care of, another — so that everyone leaves him behind and does not touch him: “I am not sick, I will recover soon!” For a tutorial on this, see The Monsieur Amilcar Project
- Tell it to your partner in such a way that he understands it, and understand what the partner needs,
There is a convenient form for this: the questionnaire “Fundamentals of the Family Contract”.
- Agree on mutually acceptable options so that restrictions for each are only reasonably necessary.
And learn to keep agreements. It may very well be that the Family Constitution can help you a lot for this. “All this is very reminiscent of a civil law agreement on joint activities,” you say. — Exactly. After all, we are talking about a family, which is not only a union of two loving hearts, but also an economic unit. So, we need to negotiate.
- Decide on the power in the family and learn to lead
No one asks you whether you like to lead or not, in a family the ability to lead is simply a necessity. You need to decide on the power in the family and learn to lead. See →