When we are going through difficult times, we turn to music, books, favorite films for help. Psychotherapist Mihaela Bernard was inspired by the movie “For Once in a Lifetime” and wrote about what exactly helped the heroine cope with the loss of love.
I recently watched a wonderful movie about coping with loss and separation. It’s called “For Once in Your Life”. The film touches on the themes of love, betrayal, parenthood, but most importantly, it shows how you can direct the energy of a broken heart into creativity, which can become a healer in this difficult life period.
I myself went through a period of transformation in my private practice, during which I had to part ways with many clients. This was necessary so that later there would be time and space for new tasks and clients. I decided to use the movie as an example of how to deal with loss and breakups.
Listen to the music. “That’s why I love music. The most banal scene is suddenly filled with deep meaning. All these banalities suddenly turn into beautiful, shining pearls. It’s all thanks to the music” – a wonderful quote from the film’s protagonist Dan, a surly but talented music producer who drowned his grief in wine until he met Greta, a broken-hearted, charming songwriter, and decided to develop her talent. Unfortunately, words cannot describe how wonderful the music in this film is, better listen for yourself.
Create. Creativity is a great way to turn feelings of loss into something meaningful, tangible that others can see, hear, and appreciate. In the movie (spoiler alert!) we see Greta doing it, she writes a song about her ex-boyfriend and sings it to his answering machine.
Focus on work. If creativity is not for you, try to immerse yourself in work, it helps a lot to get distracted for a while.
Watch good films. We usually identify with one or more characters in the film, experiencing their life on screen as our own.
Go in for sports. By investing energy in physical activity, you improve your condition on an emotional and physiological level. An hour on the treadmill or class in an aerobics group or sports section will help activate the endorphin production centers in the brain.
Chat with friends. Obviously, in order to overcome loss, it is important to keep in touch with friends and try to spend more time with those who love and appreciate you.
Don’t call your ex. When we experience a loss, it can be natural to relive previous losses, so it’s not uncommon for us to start calling an ex. Should not be doing that. Leave the past in the past and focus on the present.
Do not drown sorrow in wine. Of course, if you drink one or two glasses to ease the pain, nothing bad will happen. But it is important to remember that alcohol never solves problems, but only exacerbates them. Ultimately, it contributes to depression, and you don’t want to get worse than you are now, do you?
Change something in your life. After finishing my last day of work at the medical center, I went and got a new haircut, symbolizing the changes in my life. So I kind of left the old behind and moved forward. Many people after a breakup change their hairstyles, grow beards or change the situation in the house. This allows you to somehow tangibly mark the beginning of a new stage in life.
Do not immediately rush to look for someone else. Often after a breakup, we try to find solace in someone’s arms, but, frankly, in the end it will only make us worse. It is worth fully experiencing the grief of parting before you start looking for a new partner.
Give yourself time to grieve. Grief is a natural part of life. We grieve when we lose a loved one, when we say goodbye to someone, when we move into a new home, when we leave the past behind. Sometimes someone appears in life and very soon disappears from it. The important thing is that you overcame together, and only fully survived the grief, you can forever keep all the good that was in yourself, leaving the bad behind.
About the author: Michaela Bernard is a psychotherapist and author of the online journal Mental Health Digest.